What is wrong with these parents ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thing is, you have to parent your kid the way that you believe is right for your child and accept that others are doing the same. You can’t dictate the parenting decisions of others. Clearly those parents see the situation different than you do and are acting on what they know.

I have reason to doubt what you say about that house. But I also know in my own kids’ friends groups there are very different views on what the parents allow the kids to do. And their are some hand wringers and overprotectors in the parents each of my kids’ friend groups. Everyone is free to make their own decisions and they have to deal with the consequences of what they decide.

Yes but then we all have to deal with the massive emotional group drama from our own kids when a “friend” dies in a car wreck or overdoses. Parents are certainly most welcome to look the other way and parent their own kid as they choose, but others deal with the consequences too. Outsider kids are also affected when things go bad as they are ones left to pick up the pieces and contribute to the GoFundMe drives

You are just dramatic. If OP is the only parent who sees danger either her kid hangs with kids who have really stupid or naive parents or OP wants way more supervision than most people think is necessary. Regardless, it doesn’t matter. If OP doesn’t like it, her kid doesn’t have to go. But she isnt going to change everyone else’s parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Freshman kids, well known party house with no supervision, and a large group of parents are letting their 15 year olds hang there all the time and sleep over. They all know what’s going on but don’t care. I’m pissed as these are my kid’s friends and I have reached out to the parents to see if we can be on the same page, and no-go. It’s craziness. Makes it very hard to parent and be the only one in the friend group not allowing it, which I have to do.

Oh well...everyone makes different choices, and you need to live with yours or, as others have suggested, your kid needs to find new friends. I'm so tired of parents wanting other parents to change their approach to parenting so that your job is easier.

This is the same debate that goes on about MS kids and cell phones. The parents who don't let their kids have cell phones just can't believe that the other parents are permitting it because it makes it so hard to say no. Oh well....either continue to say no and suck it up, or let your kid have a cell phone (or go to the party or whatever it is you are resisting). The parents who are letting their kids go to the party aren't pressuring you to let your DC go too (I assume), so where do you get off pressuring them not to let their kids go? Parent your own child. Being a helipcopter/overly cautious parent is really hard, but that's your choice. But you know what? Being a parent that gives their kids' some freedom to make decisions/choices is also very hard. Stop being so judgy and focus on your parenting decisions, not other people's.

[Anonymous]

The most critical point is that each child is different and may be safer or happier or both with rules that are tailored for him or her.

My 8th grader has a lethal nut allergy and because of this I always try to chaperone field trips. In the future I don’t want him to become impaired at a party one night and forget to check a list of ingredients!

The goal is for all these kids to be independent one day, but some may take longer to get there, and need a different environment than other kids.

[Anonymous]

OP, I see you're getting a lot of these "they have to grow up sometime" and "you can't tell others how to parent" posts. Very predictable on this forum.

Don't waste time wondering what the party parents are thinking. The "I'd rather they drink/smoke/ hook up under my own roof" parents are condoning things you don't like so it's high time for your son to be too busy to be hanging out with these friends. The one PP who said that the teen years were ones where friend groups changed is right. Is your son in activities that he likes and which keep him busy? Does he give schoolwork its full due? I find that teens who are genuinely busy don't have time for hanging out with the party house crowd--and often lose interest in doing so anyway. DC and DC's close friends are all very involved in activities they enjoy, are in classes at school that require a lot of time, and have family events etc. that all mean they don't have time for former friends who in high school started making hanging out their primary extracurricular.

And DC and friends do have social lives--they just don't do random last-minute weekend meet-ups or sleepovers, other than pretty rare sleepovers at homes where the parents know each other well anyway.

Don't let the "kids are gonna do what they want somehow anyway" people on here make you feel you have to "let this go." Of course you don't. Teens make crappy choices sometimes but that doesn't mean crappy choices must be a rite of passage aided by their parents. Active kids who have interests and whose parents have rules turn out just fine too, and don't need the supposed "life lesson" of sleepovers at the party house to help them mature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Freshman kids, well known party house with no supervision, and a large group of parents are letting their 15 year olds hang there all the time and sleep over. They all know what’s going on but don’t care. I’m pissed as these are my kid’s friends and I have reached out to the parents to see if we can be on the same page, and no-go. It’s craziness. Makes it very hard to parent and be the only one in the friend group not allowing it, which I have to do.

Oh well...everyone makes different choices, and you need to live with yours or, as others have suggested, your kid needs to find new friends. I'm so tired of parents wanting other parents to change their approach to parenting so that your job is easier.

This is the same debate that goes on about MS kids and cell phones. The parents who don't let their kids have cell phones just can't believe that the other parents are permitting it because it makes it so hard to say no. Oh well....either continue to say no and suck it up, or let your kid have a cell phone (or go to the party or whatever it is you are resisting). The parents who are letting their kids go to the party aren't pressuring you to let your DC go too (I assume), so where do you get off pressuring them not to let their kids go? Parent your own child. Being a helipcopter/overly cautious parent is really hard, but that's your choice. But you know what? Being a parent that gives their kids' some freedom to make decisions/choices is also very hard. Stop being so judgy and focus on your parenting decisions, not other people's.

Yep, it didn't take long for someone to call OP a helicopter parent. That's pretty judgy in itself.

She never said her kid should have no freedoms at all. She just doesn't see the freedom to try pot and drink and have sex as freedoms a 15-year-old should have the choice to make. OP, stick to your guns. Parent as YOU see fit.

The only mistake you made here, OP, was daring to frame this as "What are those parents thinking." God forbid anyone should vent here about parents who are lax but call it giving their kids freedom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are two houses in my neighborhood next door to each other, a sophomore boy lives in one and a sophomore girl in the other. Both houses will host sleepovers on the same night. The kids all hang out and then are supposed to separate at a certain point. I trusted the girls parents so my daughter went to one sleepover. She said the kids were sneaking back and forth after hours. There was drinking and weed, but what made her uncomfortable was the pairing off and hooking up, and the implied assumption that each girl would hook up with one of the boys. She felt very uncomfortable. I spoke to the parents and they pretty much said they’d rather have their kids at home than out and so they turn a blind eye, and that they tell parents that they check on the kids and supervise. That’s why I let her go - I never imagined parents would lie to other parents.

I get that these kids will be off at college in a couple years, but there’s a big difference between 15 year olds and 18 year olds. I’m fine with kids hanging out and learning to set limits themselves but I don’t think we should make it so easy.

What struck me about this was that your daughter stuck to her own choices and preferences, rather than just giving in to what the group was doing. Bravo to her! Especially since we're talking sexual activity, not a fashion choice or hairstyle.

There's a difference between (1) kids sneaking in their sexual activity (whatever it is) here and there and (2) parents facilitating all-night encounters. PP and OP, you have to stick to your guns and make sure your DDs develop the ability to stick to their guns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I see you're getting a lot of these "they have to grow up sometime" and "you can't tell others how to parent" posts. Very predictable on this forum.

Don't waste time wondering what the party parents are thinking. The "I'd rather they drink/smoke/ hook up under my own roof" parents are condoning things you don't like so it's high time for your son to be too busy to be hanging out with these friends. The one PP who said that the teen years were ones where friend groups changed is right. Is your son in activities that he likes and which keep him busy? Does he give schoolwork its full due? I find that teens who are genuinely busy don't have time for hanging out with the party house crowd--and often lose interest in doing so anyway. DC and DC's close friends are all very involved in activities they enjoy, are in classes at school that require a lot of time, and have family events etc. that all mean they don't have time for former friends who in high school started making hanging out their primary extracurricular.

And DC and friends do have social lives--they just don't do random last-minute weekend meet-ups or sleepovers, other than pretty rare sleepovers at homes where the parents know each other well anyway.

Don't let the "kids are gonna do what they want somehow anyway" people on here make you feel you have to "let this go." Of course you don't. Teens make crappy choices sometimes but that doesn't mean crappy choices must be a rite of passage aided by their parents. Active kids who have interests and whose parents have rules turn out just fine too, and don't need the supposed "life lesson" of sleepovers at the party house to help them mature.

Hi smug parent. I guarantee your kids have done far more than you know. Because you’ve buried your head in the sand of believing that you have it all figured out, you won’t find that out until they’re in crisis. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thing is, you have to parent your kid the way that you believe is right for your child and accept that others are doing the same. You can’t dictate the parenting decisions of others. Clearly those parents see the situation different than you do and are acting on what they know.

I have reason to doubt what you say about that house. But I also know in my own kids’ friends groups there are very different views on what the parents allow the kids to do. And their are some hand wringers and overprotectors in the parents each of my kids’ friend groups. Everyone is free to make their own decisions and they have to deal with the consequences of what they decide.

Yes but then we all have to deal with the massive emotional group drama from our own kids when a “friend” dies in a car wreck or overdoses. Parents are certainly most welcome to look the other way and parent their own kid as they choose, but others deal with the consequences too. Outsider kids are also affected when things go bad as they are ones left to pick up the pieces and contribute to the GoFundMe drives

Puh-lease. Dealing with emotional fallout is part of parenting. Bad things happen to people. Sometimes it's random (like cancer in a kid), sometimes it's a freak occurrence, sometimes it's because of regrettable choices. If you can't handle it, you shouldn't have had kids.

[Anonymous]

You can parent your own kid but you cannot expect other parents to agree with you. I know it makes it more difficult. But how others parent is not up to you.

[Anonymous]

Kids can make incredibly lousy choices. Drugs, including alcohol, don't help. That's why you keep your kids away from them. We're light drinkers and so DC thinks that light drinking is ok and that getting drunk is gross. We're encouraging that point of view.

[Anonymous]

If you don't like the "party house" and your kid is going there then what's the problem? Part of parenting is being the mean parent who doesn't let their kid do what "everyone else" is doing. That's certainly happened to everyone, OP. This is not unique to you. Set your rules and keep it moving. Don't call the police unless you have evidence or have witnessed illegal activity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don't like the "party house" and your kid is going there then what's the problem? Part of parenting is being the mean parent who doesn't let their kid do what "everyone else" is doing. That's certainly happened to everyone, OP. This is not unique to you. Set your rules and keep it moving. Don't call the police unless you have evidence or have witnessed illegal activity.

+100. I made a point of having a good idea of how other parents feel about drinking, smoking and leaving their teens home alone on the weekends. Those homes where I don't agree with the style of parenting is where my dc is not allowed to hang out. I can't dictate to those parents how to raise their children but it doesn't stop me from parenting in my way and setting certain boundaries for my dc.

[Anonymous]

Would you tell another parent (who is a good friend of mine) that their DC is getting into mischief? I tend to mind my own business, but am torn b/c I "think" I would want to know if it were my child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thing is, you have to parent your kid the way that you believe is right for your child and accept that others are doing the same. You can’t dictate the parenting decisions of others. Clearly those parents see the situation different than you do and are acting on what they know.

I have reason to doubt what you say about that house. But I also know in my own kids’ friends groups there are very different views on what the parents allow the kids to do. And their are some hand wringers and overprotectors in the parents each of my kids’ friend groups. Everyone is free to make their own decisions and they have to deal with the consequences of what they decide.

Yes but then we all have to deal with the massive emotional group drama from our own kids when a “friend” dies in a car wreck or overdoses. Parents are certainly most welcome to look the other way and parent their own kid as they choose, but others deal with the consequences too. Outsider kids are also affected when things go bad as they are ones left to pick up the pieces and contribute to the GoFundMe drives

You are just dramatic. If OP is the only parent who sees danger either her kid hangs with kids who have really stupid or naive parents or OP wants way more supervision than most people think is necessary. Regardless, it doesn’t matter. If OP doesn’t like it, her kid doesn’t have to go. But she isnt going to change everyone else’s parenting.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are two houses in my neighborhood next door to each other, a sophomore boy lives in one and a sophomore girl in the other. Both houses will host sleepovers on the same night. The kids all hang out and then are supposed to separate at a certain point. I trusted the girls parents so my daughter went to one sleepover. She said the kids were sneaking back and forth after hours. There was drinking and weed, but what made her uncomfortable was the pairing off and hooking up, and the implied assumption that each girl would hook up with one of the boys. She felt very uncomfortable. I spoke to the parents and they pretty much said they’d rather have their kids at home than out and so they turn a blind eye, and that they tell parents that they check on the kids and supervise. That’s why I let her go - I never imagined parents would lie to other parents.

I get that these kids will be off at college in a couple years, but there’s a big difference between 15 year olds and 18 year olds. I’m fine with kids hanging out and learning to set limits themselves but I don’t think we should make it so easy.

Those parents are stupid and disgusting. I am sure the parents of the kids who hosted the party up in Rockville where the kid drove drunk and killed all his friends would advise against this attitude. These parents are a HUGE problem.