How to get DH to make peace with his sibling who has terminal cancer?

[Anonymous]

Tell DH that if he has something he ever wants to say to his brother, now is the time.

He doesn’t have to reach out; he doesn’t have to say something nice and loving if he does reach out. Your goal should not be to resolve the conflict, but to make sure that your DH is settled with where things are. It’s fine if they never interact again as long as that what DH feels settled with.

[Anonymous]

This is not your fight, OP. Let your DH have his feelings, and then he will have to deal with them after his brother is gone. Maybe he will be happy he's gone? Men are not as emotional as women in general, so don't project your feelings on him.

[Anonymous]

I was in a similar situation, although minus the terminal cancer. I maintained my independent relationship with my BIL, because I don't let my DH tell me who I can and cannot be friends with. Eventually their mother was able to get them together under the guise of discussion family estate issues. But they had to let a few years go past for things to calm down. I disagree with people saying to drop the issue - you can't force them together, but I certainly would not hold back telling my DH that I disapproved of what he was doing. This is assuming that it was a "normal" estrangement and no abuse or stealing involved; just disagreement.

And, I practice what I preach, too. I recently made up with an estranged sibling because I wasn't willing to let it get in the way of family stuff.

None of this is to say that estrangements are wrong -- I very much believe that estrangement is the right choice, sometimes. But from what OP wrote, it sounds more like there are unresolved childhood issues and stubborness involved, not something that was thought through carefully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in a similar situation, although minus the terminal cancer. I maintained my independent relationship with my BIL, because I don't let my DH tell me who I can and cannot be friends with. Eventually their mother was able to get them together under the guise of discussion family estate issues. But they had to let a few years go past for things to calm down. I disagree with people saying to drop the issue - you can't force them together, but I certainly would not hold back telling my DH that I disapproved of what he was doing. This is assuming that it was a "normal" estrangement and no abuse or stealing involved; just disagreement.

And, I practice what I preach, too. I recently made up with an estranged sibling because I wasn't willing to let it get in the way of family stuff.

None of this is to say that estrangements are wrong -- I very much believe that estrangement is the right choice, sometimes. But from what OP wrote, it sounds more like there are unresolved childhood issues and stubborness involved, not something that was thought through carefully.

But after you voice your opinion once, would you keep pestering about it or would you drop it and respect his decision?