Sahms

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You define success through your kids! Larlo won his chess tournament last week, and Larla came in second in the science fair. I take credit for it, and can’t wait to post on Facebook to let everyone know what a successful mom I am!

troll? either way, don’t be this person....

[Anonymous]

Stay off of social media! I'm happy most of the time, but there are times that I've scrolled and seen old colleagues/work peers shattering glass ceilings while parenting (albeit doing it differently) and I feel inadequate, like "Why couldn't I have done it ALL?!"

I have to remind myself why I made the choices I did and that I love my life and that those moms and dads out there killing it in my old profession have their own set of challenges that I know nothing about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You define success through your kids! Larlo won his chess tournament last week, and Larla came in second in the science fair. I take credit for it, and can’t wait to post on Facebook to let everyone know what a successful mom I am!

I'm pretty sure you're being facetious and I certainly hope you are.

[Anonymous]

be thin. seriously it helps

[Anonymous]

I'm in my early 50s and am basically a SAHM (I do the very occasional short work project a few times a year). You just have to own who you are fully. This is me, full stop. Message: DEAL WITH IT. Don't hide, don't shirk, don't explain it. Just do it, always moving forward.

If somebody doesn't like your "choices", well that says more about them than it does about you. Don't let other people's opinions live in your head rent free. If somebody says, "You're a SAHM? I could never do that" simply say, "Well, you don't have to." Then change the subject.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You define success through your kids! Larlo won his chess tournament last week, and Larla came in second in the science fair. I take credit for it, and can’t wait to post on Facebook to let everyone know what a successful mom I am!

Exactly this. Then when they resent me in high school, I retreat and/or turn to MLM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my early 50s and am basically a SAHM (I do the very occasional short work project a few times a year). You just have to own who you are fully. This is me, full stop. Message: DEAL WITH IT. Don't hide, don't shirk, don't explain it. Just do it, always moving forward.

If somebody doesn't like your "choices", well that says more about them than it does about you. Don't let other people's opinions live in your head rent free. If somebody says, "You're a SAHM? I could never do that" simply say, "Well, you don't have to." Then change the subject.

+1. Late 40s, same deal. This is who I am. I’m happy with my decisions, my family is, too. That’s what matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now that I sah full time, I’ve been trying to redefine how I feel success and confidence. What exactly are other sahms using to judge this about themselves? I need some way to determine this without just feeling badly.

It really is so personal to each person, OP. There is no one-size-fits-all for any aspect of parenting and absolutely no better or worse choices either. For me, my mother died when I was a tween and it affected and shaped me greatly. Obviously. One way was that I was acutely aware of how much my mom missed and decided that when I had children, if possible, I did not want to miss a minute with them.

[Anonymous]

Am I happy?
Are my kids happy? Husband?
Did I/we have a good day?
Did I help someone today?
Did I have a good workout?

I’m in a book group, I have several writing projects, I volunteer, I hike/camp ice a month so I always have something to look forward to. The kids and I set goals (visit this place, get this number of steps in a week). We make a lot of “bucket” lists because it feels good to check things off. I am starting lessons for a sport I have always wanted to learn soon. Having real, good, close friends helps a lot.

[Anonymous]

Grass is always greener ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my early 50s and am basically a SAHM (I do the very occasional short work project a few times a year). You just have to own who you are fully. This is me, full stop. Message: DEAL WITH IT. Don't hide, don't shirk, don't explain it. Just do it, always moving forward.

If somebody doesn't like your "choices", well that says more about them than it does about you. Don't let other people's opinions live in your head rent free. If somebody says, "You're a SAHM? I could never do that" simply say, "Well, you don't have to." Then change the subject.

Or when people say they could never SAHM with kids you could tell them that it does take a special kind of person to embrace and be successful at nurturing and appreciating the wonder and delight of infants and children. You could tell them that you are sad and sorry they aren't able to do that but maybe someday they will manage to develop those skills if they try hard. In the meantime they could just work at some job and let the professionals maintain their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get a hobby outside of the kids. Seriously, saved my sanity. The thing with raising kids is they are not going to appreciate the magnitude of all you do for them until they are much much older so you need to feel some immediate gratification elsewhere. Not that your SAHM work is not valuable, you will know this in your heart and that may need to be your guiding compass. Because often times that may be the only place you can return to to know your sacrifice is worth it. And don’t get me wrong there will be beautiful loving moments you would Give the world for, but engaging in other thing you are objectively good at that others openly appreciate will do wonders for maintaining sanity and self-worth.

+1 and now that my kids are teens, and with the rebelling and all, it's hard to feel like a success with your kids. It's a rough time; it's such a grind, and some days I'm worried that my kids won't fledge and will end up in my proverbial basement forever. Teens can be like small spot fires; you are stomping one problem out and you look up and there are two more fires off to your left.

As a SAHM, it's easy to have all your eggs in one basket (the eggs being Dh and kids) and that can really wear you down when something is not going right. When they are teens, there are many opportunities for something to not go right!

So it becomes more important to have something for yourself, something for you that is not you as Wife or Mom. And I'm NOT talking about your workout program or things that you do for yourself because "you should take care of yourself"...I'm talking about something you really like.

So for me, I'm talking about hiking--but NOT to keep in shape. Just to hike and wander and to not use it for cardio unless I feel like it. And I do duolingo (on the computer, not on the iphone--it's better on the computer). I kept my expectations very low on the language...to be able to decipher. In the old days I was going for a fluent conversation...but that was undermining me. Baby steps!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You define success through your kids! Larlo won his chess tournament last week, and Larla came in second in the science fair. I take credit for it, and can’t wait to post on Facebook to let everyone know what a successful mom I am!

Calm down, bit**! Bitter much?!

[Anonymous]

Aren't first ladies usually Sahms?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in my early 50s and am basically a SAHM (I do the very occasional short work project a few times a year). You just have to own who you are fully. This is me, full stop. Message: DEAL WITH IT. Don't hide, don't shirk, don't explain it. Just do it, always moving forward.

If somebody doesn't like your "choices", well that says more about them than it does about you. Don't let other people's opinions live in your head rent free. If somebody says, "You're a SAHM? I could never do that" simply say, "Well, you don't have to." Then change the subject.

Or when people say they could never SAHM with kids you could tell them that it does take a special kind of person to embrace and be successful at nurturing and appreciating the wonder and delight of infants and children. You could tell them that you are sad and sorry they aren't able to do that but maybe someday they will manage to develop those skills if they try hard. In the meantime they could just work at some job and let the professionals maintain their children.

And they can pay into their own futures rather than depending on income of a spouse who may or may not be around in the future. We've all seen it.