Interested in learning about your experience wrt open marriage/relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Open marriage" means your partner interviews your replacement right in front of you.

Usually this is a better deal for the woman, because all she has to do to get sex is post a profile on Tinder.

Any DH who agrees to open marriage is an idiot.

Totally different strategies though. True, any (non obese) DW can get 100 sex dates per day if she wants. Typical DH can't go for numbers but must instead focus on 1 or 2 steady partners. For most men, this is actually quite easy to arrange. Because most married women are totally bored with her DH and (without even realizing it) quite receptive to the new exciting guy showing overt interest in her. A week or 2 of flirting, talk about her day, progress to arm touches, invite her for coffee, falls right into bed.

[Anonymous]

OP - no judgement and I'm not in your shoes but I have know those that are. The situations where open marriage tends to work is when the couple agrees the marriage is sexually dead but they want to stay together for other reasons (usually kids). They tend to get along fine outside of intimacy. That doesn't sound like you. It sounds like you are more looking for adventure.

If I am correct then maybe check out fetlife or similar sites and look for other couples that you might be interested in meeting. Maybe agree to try same room sex without the swap to start so you can get a feel for how far you both are comfortable taking this. You can progress from there and get as adventurous as you'd like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We wanted to push beyond the traditional and decided to not go “open” but instead moved to being with other like minded couples. It took a long time to find a couple we were both interested in but once we did it was a very good experience. Over a ten year period we were with four other couples but then we sort of aged out for a variety of reasons. It was a great experience for us but I know it’s not for everyone. Neither of us wanted an open marriage for a long list of reasons nor did we want to join any groups.

So did you guys 'play' as a couple with other couples or one on one with the couple in separate rooms etc. Very curious about this set up.

Initially it was in separate rooms but we both wondered what was going on in the other room. Eventually we’d be in the same room and sometimes all together but just M/F so I might be with my husband and the other man on the same night. One couple only wanted separate rooms which was fine with us because they were both very good. We stopped about eight years ago and our married sex life continues to be very good. I’m glad we did it but I’m also glad it’s in our past given the risk we were taking with our relationship.

[Anonymous]

No one wants your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We wanted to push beyond the traditional and decided to not go “open” but instead moved to being with other like minded couples. It took a long time to find a couple we were both interested in but once we did it was a very good experience. Over a ten year period we were with four other couples but then we sort of aged out for a variety of reasons. It was a great experience for us but I know it’s not for everyone. Neither of us wanted an open marriage for a long list of reasons nor did we want to join any groups.

So did you guys 'play' as a couple with other couples or one on one with the couple in separate rooms etc. Very curious about this set up.

Initially it was in separate rooms but we both wondered what was going on in the other room. Eventually we’d be in the same room and sometimes all together but just M/F so I might be with my husband and the other man on the same night. One couple only wanted separate rooms which was fine with us because they were both very good. We stopped about eight years ago and our married sex life continues to be very good. I’m glad we did it but I’m also glad it’s in our past given the risk we were taking with our relationship.

Did you or your husband ever start to get emotionally attached to the other people? If so, how did you deal with it? We’ve been married 17 years and our sex life, while frequent, has become predictable and I do wonder after all of these what it would be like to be with someone new but I have no desire for either an affair or an open marriage. I can’t even imagine starting the conversation with my husband about being with another couple.

[Anonymous]

Read the book More Than Two

[Anonymous]

A friend of my DH has started doing this with his new wife (second marriages for both) and it seems totally gross. They have a tinder profile as a couple, looking for a third (female only) and when their kids are with their exes they go on dates with tinder matches. I honestly don’t think the new wife likes this arrangement and is only go along with it to keep him. It is just wrong. I don’t understand why he got remarried if he wanted this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Open marriage" means your partner interviews your replacement right in front of you.

Usually this is a better deal for the woman, because all she has to do to get sex is post a profile on Tinder.

Any DH who agrees to open marriage is an idiot.

Totally different strategies though. True, any (non obese) DW can get 100 sex dates per day if she wants. Typical DH can't go for numbers but must instead focus on 1 or 2 steady partners. For most men, this is actually quite easy to arrange. Because most married women are totally bored with her DH and (without even realizing it) quite receptive to the new exciting guy showing overt interest in her. A week or 2 of flirting, talk about her day, progress to arm touches, invite her for coffee, falls right into bed.

Where were you when I needed you??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We wanted to push beyond the traditional and decided to not go “open” but instead moved to being with other like minded couples. It took a long time to find a couple we were both interested in but once we did it was a very good experience. Over a ten year period we were with four other couples but then we sort of aged out for a variety of reasons. It was a great experience for us but I know it’s not for everyone. Neither of us wanted an open marriage for a long list of reasons nor did we want to join any groups.

So did you guys 'play' as a couple with other couples or one on one with the couple in separate rooms etc. Very curious about this set up.

Initially it was in separate rooms but we both wondered what was going on in the other room. Eventually we’d be in the same room and sometimes all together but just M/F so I might be with my husband and the other man on the same night. One couple only wanted separate rooms which was fine with us because they were both very good. We stopped about eight years ago and our married sex life continues to be very good. I’m glad we did it but I’m also glad it’s in our past given the risk we were taking with our relationship.

Did you or your husband ever start to get emotionally attached to the other people? If so, how did you deal with it? We’ve been married 17 years and our sex life, while frequent, has become predictable and I do wonder after all of these what it would be like to be with someone new but I have no desire for either an affair or an open marriage. I can’t even imagine starting the conversation with my husband about being with another couple.

I’d like to say no but there were times when both of us had concerns and that is what led to us breaking it off with a couple. I think the concerns were more sexual than emotional.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't do it (I'm not built for it) but I agree this is a very puritanical and pearl clutchy place and not the best one for the kind of conversation you are trying to have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't do it (I'm not built for it) but I agree this is a very puritanical and pearl clutchy place and not the best one for the kind of conversation you are trying to have.

+1. This is not my speed or something I'd be into, but I have seen it work. DCUM is about the last place I would come to advice on navigating this. The pearl-clutching here is pretty intense on even the mundane (30 year old independent daughter is living in sin with boyfriend, how can I stop it!!), you should look to other sources for advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We wanted to push beyond the traditional and decided to not go “open” but instead moved to being with other like minded couples. It took a long time to find a couple we were both interested in but once we did it was a very good experience. Over a ten year period we were with four other couples but then we sort of aged out for a variety of reasons. It was a great experience for us but I know it’s not for everyone. Neither of us wanted an open marriage for a long list of reasons nor did we want to join any groups.

So did you guys 'play' as a couple with other couples or one on one with the couple in separate rooms etc. Very curious about this set up.

Initially it was in separate rooms but we both wondered what was going on in the other room. Eventually we’d be in the same room and sometimes all together but just M/F so I might be with my husband and the other man on the same night. One couple only wanted separate rooms which was fine with us because they were both very good. We stopped about eight years ago and our married sex life continues to be very good. I’m glad we did it but I’m also glad it’s in our past given the risk we were taking with our relationship.

Did you or your husband ever start to get emotionally attached to the other people? If so, how did you deal with it? We’ve been married 17 years and our sex life, while frequent, has become predictable and I do wonder after all of these what it would be like to be with someone new but I have no desire for either an affair or an open marriage. I can’t even imagine starting the conversation with my husband about being with another couple.

I’d like to say no but there were times when both of us had concerns and that is what led to us breaking it off with a couple. I think the concerns were more sexual than emotional.

Was that because the sex was better than with your spouse?

[Anonymous]

Open marriages are always much better in your fantasy. The reality: married men get less action than they think, married women far, far more.

[Anonymous]

Like i said before, no one wants your husband. Once he realizes this, he will back out of the arrangement.

Men fantasize about all different kinds of women, the different shapes, sizes, skin tones, etc. Women normally want one thing, the tall, well built, and handsome. Unless he is that, he's yours to have

[Anonymous]

I had married friends who did this and the husband ended up leaving the wife for a woman he had relations with.