Interested in learning about your experience wrt open marriage/relationship
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Anonymous
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We're both relatively young (late 30's), average couple, 2 kids, suburban life, decent jobs. While monogamy is where everything stops for most, we would like to push the traditional way of viewing relationships in an ethical way.
While we've talked about opening up our marriage, there is a fear of the unknown. A lot of what if's...so that brings me here - asking anonymously for your experience. When you opened up, how did it go? Did you stop for any reason? Did you have boundaries or rules? Did your relationship with your spouse change, for the good or bad? Are you still in an open relationship? I'm also aware that it's probably going to be very easy for DW to get dates versus myself if we decide to open up - how did you DH's deal with that? Don't bother telling me to get a divorce. It's not what we want. No we're not already cheating on each other and trying to open up to legitimize an affair. We're really talking about it and wondering what we might not be thinking of... |
Anonymous
| Polyamory is the millennial trial separation. Just a stop on the road to splitting up. I’ve had several (7 or 8) friends try it and none have made it to 5 more years together. |
Anonymous
| Anyone who has time for this is being a half assed parent. I mean, you both work full-time and you want to add excess relationships? Better start saving for your kids therapy now. |
Anonymous
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I have one female friend who is in such a relationship. Her husband suggested it and they both have partaken in this new arrangement. It has not saved the marriage...
I think people who suggest this into their marriage are emotionally unavailable and the partner who accepts this is being emotionally abused. Btw, there are guys on dating apps that put this info in their profile and I always really appreciate the info because -> swipe left |
Anonymous
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Open marriage is short for your marriage is over, but you are pretending otherwise or you just stopped trying and sonehow this seems better.
It's best to spend the energy on the actual marriage rather than the sham that's being created. |
Anonymous
| Can't offer advice as I haven't done this and wouldn't do it. I just don't think DCUM is the best place for advice like this; it's not the right demographic. I think it's probably possible to figure out this type of relationship, but you'd get your best advice elsewhere. Good luck. |
Anonymous
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"Open marriage" means your partner interviews your replacement right in front of you.
Usually this is a better deal for the woman, because all she has to do to get sex is post a profile on Tinder. Any DH who agrees to open marriage is an idiot. |
Anonymous
I'm not sure that describes all open marriages, but probably a lot (and I don't think the genders tend in any direction in the emotional abuser/abused dynamic in this kind of situation.) My feeling is that if this was going to be a legitimately stable option, the relationship would have been open *before* they got married/had kids. I do know people in (apparently) healthy marriages that had open relationships, but that was prior to kids. I think it's much more common for a stable to relationship to evolve in that direction rather than the reverse, and maybe open up again when life gets less challenging. Otherwise, yeah, I have major skepticism about a couple deciding to open their marriage while they have young kids for the first time. |
Anonymous
| We wanted to push beyond the traditional and decided to not go “open” but instead moved to being with other like minded couples. It took a long time to find a couple we were both interested in but once we did it was a very good experience. Over a ten year period we were with four other couples but then we sort of aged out for a variety of reasons. It was a great experience for us but I know it’s not for everyone. Neither of us wanted an open marriage for a long list of reasons nor did we want to join any groups. |
Anonymous
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I would only do this if you are willing to lose your marriage and put your kids through divorce, "blending", and all the struggles that cone with it.
Relationships have a way of changing when you spend your time and energy elsewhere and it's naive to expect otherwise. People do a lot of wishful thinking and then act so surprised when their marriage gradually collapses, like it was not forseeable or preventable. But the open marriage hastened the process. The grass grows where you water it. Also can you afford divorce, two homes, forever? |
Anonymous
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I would only do this if you are willing to lose your marriage and put your kids through divorce, "blending", and all the struggles that cone with it.
Relationships have a way of changing when you spend your time and energy elsewhere and it's naive to expect otherwise. People do a lot of wishful thinking and then act so surprised when their marriage gradually collapses, like it was not forseeable or preventable. But the open marriage hastened the process. The grass grows where you water it. Also can you afford divorce, two homes, forever? |
Anonymous
So did you guys 'play' as a couple with other couples or one on one with the couple in separate rooms etc. Very curious about this set up. |
Anonymous
| Your kids may find out and they will likely hate it, especially if it involves the parents of their friends. They will perceive it as a threat to their family staying intact and they will be right. |
Anonymous
| It seems to only work with couples that are intensely intimate emotionally with each other and have amazing communication skills. It will bring out each other's worst side (jealousy) and you have to be able to work through that together. Find a therapist that works with couples wanting to open up there marriage. Make sure your marriage is ROCK SOLID, then decide to open it up. |
Anonymous
| The only people I know who do this are the type who enjoy the chronic drama. And yes they did end up divorcing. Surprise! |