Has anyone pulled back on the number of kids they think they want?

[Anonymous]

We wanted 3. We dealt with several years of infertility, associated treatments and cost just to have one. We've since suffered a loss, further treatments have failed, and now I'm 40. I've started to make peace with having an only child (I am one myself, so I have lots of feelings, both positive and negative, about it). DH wants to try another round of IVF. I'm not sure I have it in me, though.

[Anonymous]

I'd have liked 3-4 but with two close in age DH and I felt pretty maxed out. I think if we were younger when we started our family, we might have gone for a much younger 3rd, but two has been good.

[Anonymous]

I always wanted 4 kids. Due to age, finances, and work status we stopped at 2. I had pangs for a third until my youngest was about 2,and then the feeling was replaced by excitement over the new, non-baby phase of our family life. I no longer have that primal, biological urge for another baby that I assumed I'd always have in one form or another. Imagining myself with 4 kids is like imagining an alternate universe, and I'm happy where I am.

[Anonymous]

Oh yeah, I definitely did. But kids in theory are a lot easier than kids in reality. No regrets.

[Anonymous]

I would have liked four but I wanted all my kids by a certain age, and my third pregnancy did a number on my body, so we stopped at three. I got a second dog instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Always thought I would want 2. But I'm very happy with 1.

+1

I realized that my previous "desire" for two was actually a social pressure and not my own authentic feelings.

same here. and now that she is older, I have no regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Initially wanted three but pregnant with #2 now (third trimester) and this will be it for us. I can't handle the mental or physical demands of another pregnancy.

OP here. I love pregnancy (except for first tri). First year is a bit of a marathon. I guess I waver because if someone would tell me you can have your third child as a two year old I’d be tempted. But then imagining that child growing into their own set of activities and so on, for some reason juggling all three schedules of non-driving little people — that seems like a lot.

I wanted three but after two felt like we’d have a really rough time handling the first two years of three kids. Busy the time I felt like I could handle a third I felt too old. Now with both kids are well into elementary school I am so glad we stopped at two. One had baseball 5 days a week plus a music lesson once a week. The other has soccer three days a week and swimming once a week. It is crazy. The kids never have a game/recital/etc. that does not have at least one parent but there have been enough times that they overlapped that I know with 3 that wouldn’t be possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always wanted 4 kids. Due to age, finances, and work status we stopped at 2. I had pangs for a third until my youngest was about 2,and then the feeling was replaced by excitement over the new, non-baby phase of our family life. I no longer have that primal, biological urge for another baby that I assumed I'd always have in one form or another. Imagining myself with 4 kids is like imagining an alternate universe, and I'm happy where I am.

That’s exactly it. As the youngest is about to age out of naps in a year, I can’t wait to do more fun road trips or all day outings on the weekend. Even weekend trips will be much easier, not to mention overseas travels. I really look forward to that. I guess I just wonder how I’ll feel when they are in their 20s or 30s, will I wish we had just gone for it so we could have that larger extended family feeling. But maybe I’m not the type to stay at home cooking for a crowd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Initially wanted three but pregnant with #2 now (third trimester) and this will be it for us. I can't handle the mental or physical demands of another pregnancy.

OP here. I love pregnancy (except for first tri). First year is a bit of a marathon. I guess I waver because if someone would tell me you can have your third child as a two year old I’d be tempted. But then imagining that child growing into their own set of activities and so on, for some reason juggling all three schedules of non-driving little people — that seems like a lot.

I wanted three but after two felt like we’d have a really rough time handling the first two years of three kids. Busy the time I felt like I could handle a third I felt too old. Now with both kids are well into elementary school I am so glad we stopped at two. One had baseball 5 days a week plus a music lesson once a week. The other has soccer three days a week and swimming once a week. It is crazy. The kids never have a game/recital/etc. that does not have at least one parent but there have been enough times that they overlapped that I know with 3 that wouldn’t be possible.

OP here. Thanks for the flash forward. I wonder how parents of three (without a SAHP) do it. I am guessing maybe car pools and extended family.

[Anonymous]

Before I had kids I wanted 3, DH wanted 2. I'm pregnant with #2 and this is absolutely my last for many reasons... Mainly my first trimester have been horrible but especially it was bad while trying to keep the show going with one needy kid already muchless two.. Also financially 3 would require a bigger car, bigger home, just a lot more money. Last my ovarian reserve stinks, it was a huge question mark if this baby would even happen so I doubt there'll be much left by the time I deliver, wean etc.

[Anonymous]

Wanted 3, stopping at 2. It feels right for us. In 10 years I may look back and think I should have gone for a 3rd, but the me-right-now who has to do the work is not interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Initially wanted three but pregnant with #2 now (third trimester) and this will be it for us. I can't handle the mental or physical demands of another pregnancy.

OP here. I love pregnancy (except for first tri). First year is a bit of a marathon. I guess I waver because if someone would tell me you can have your third child as a two year old I’d be tempted. But then imagining that child growing into their own set of activities and so on, for some reason juggling all three schedules of non-driving little people — that seems like a lot.

I wanted three but after two felt like we’d have a really rough time handling the first two years of three kids. Busy the time I felt like I could handle a third I felt too old. Now with both kids are well into elementary school I am so glad we stopped at two. One had baseball 5 days a week plus a music lesson once a week. The other has soccer three days a week and swimming once a week. It is crazy. The kids never have a game/recital/etc. that does not have at least one parent but there have been enough times that they overlapped that I know with 3 that wouldn’t be possible.

OP here. Thanks for the flash forward. I wonder how parents of three (without a SAHP) do it. I am guessing maybe car pools and extended family.

But even with a SAHP they struggle. When both kids have practice at 5 across town from each other, sure it is nice that one parent is home but it doesn’t solve getting two kids to two places at once. Add a third and even parent #2’s flexible schedule can’t solve that. So yes you carpool or get help from grandparents or all of the above. But for me (work full time from home, DH works from home a couple of days a week, both have flexible schedules,
No nearby family), I don’t want the answer to be a carpool for game days. Ideally I want to be there. But if o can’t becaise I am at the other kid’s game, I sure want DH to be there. It’s not just the logistics of getting them there. It is the being there that made me glad we stopped at two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Always thought I would want 2. But I'm very happy with 1.

+1

I realized that my previous "desire" for two was actually a social pressure and not my own authentic feelings.

Same. Especially because I had an easy, drama-free pregnancy and easy baby (breastfeeding was easy, he slept well very early on, perfectly healthy and happy). I actually loved being pregnant and I think that led to people assuming we would have more, and initially we were like, yeah, 2 sounds nice. But when I was honest with myself when the questions kept coming and coming about when we’d try again, I realized that I had a great experience I didn’t want to repeat again. For some reason, I received so much social pushback about that— including hints that I was somehow being selfish for not tempting fate and possibly having it not so easy the second time around. Now, my little boy is 6 and life is nice for us a family as we all get our needs met (I was going to say my dh and I split everything “evenly” so we never feel overwhelmed, but truthfully, he probably does more than I do, especially the emotional labor part) without feeling stretched. I like to travel or just enjoy our area and go here and there at the drop of a hat (thankfully DS just rolls with traveling and is a lot of fun), I like owning my own business, having time to work out, spend what I want, etc. I just can’t imagine having another one and feeling as free. I enjoy my friends’ and relatives’ kids and think the sibling dynamics are cute, but want zero part of a larger family day to day.

[Anonymous]

Wanted 2 then had 1 and was done. No regrets

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Always thought I would want 2. But I'm very happy with 1.

+1

I realized that my previous "desire" for two was actually a social pressure and not my own authentic feelings.

Same. Especially because I had an easy, drama-free pregnancy and easy baby (breastfeeding was easy, he slept well very early on, perfectly healthy and happy). I actually loved being pregnant and I think that led to people assuming we would have more, and initially we were like, yeah, 2 sounds nice. But when I was honest with myself when the questions kept coming and coming about when we’d try again, I realized that I had a great experience I didn’t want to repeat again. For some reason, I received so much social pushback about that— including hints that I was somehow being selfish for not tempting fate and possibly having it not so easy the second time around. Now, my little boy is 6 and life is nice for us a family as we all get our needs met (I was going to say my dh and I split everything “evenly” so we never feel overwhelmed, but truthfully, he probably does more than I do, especially the emotional labor part) without feeling stretched. I like to travel or just enjoy our area and go here and there at the drop of a hat (thankfully DS just rolls with traveling and is a lot of fun), I like owning my own business, having time to work out, spend what I want, etc. I just can’t imagine having another one and feeling as free. I enjoy my friends’ and relatives’ kids and think the sibling dynamics are cute, but want zero part of a larger family day to day.

Yes to all of this. When kids were a far off dream I thought I would want 3. Once it became something we were actually going for 2 sounded more realistic. Now that we have 1 we are very content being done. I am an only child and never felt robbed of a sibling growing up or now. Our decision is 100% right for us and allows us to be the best parents we can be to our lovely little guy.