Has anyone pulled back on the number of kids they think they want?

[Anonymous]

We initially thought we might want three or more. But now it seems like we’re good with the two we have. I am trying to mentally adjust and wonder if anyone has gone through this. Ours are still young (5 & 2) and the reasons for stopping would be that we feel fulfilled with them, we want to give them a lot of individual time/time to pursue their own interests, easier to travel and do things out of the house, etc. Will this be something I regret? I also see friends who went to three sort of going over the deep end in terms of sanity, marriage, time for older kids, personal sleep/health and that doesn’t seem appealing.

[Anonymous]

I thought I would like 4 but I am happy with 3. I feel like I don’t quite give enough attention to my middle child and 4 would be too much unless spread across 15 years.

[Anonymous]

Yup, starting to think I’m one and done. Wanted 2 but just don’t have the energy for it.

[Anonymous]

Always thought I would want 2. But I'm very happy with 1.

[Anonymous]

Initially wanted three but pregnant with #2 now (third trimester) and this will be it for us. I can't handle the mental or physical demands of another pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Thought I wanted three but after two, that feeling went away - I felt like the family was complete, I didn't have money/energy/emotional bandwidth for more.

In my case, DH was fine with any number of children as long as we had at least one and not more than three, so it was pretty much my decision. It may be different if the spouses disagree on the number.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Always thought I would want 2. But I'm very happy with 1.

+1

I realized that my previous "desire" for two was actually a social pressure and not my own authentic feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Initially wanted three but pregnant with #2 now (third trimester) and this will be it for us. I can't handle the mental or physical demands of another pregnancy.

OP here. I love pregnancy (except for first tri). First year is a bit of a marathon. I guess I waver because if someone would tell me you can have your third child as a two year old I’d be tempted. But then imagining that child growing into their own set of activities and so on, for some reason juggling all three schedules of non-driving little people — that seems like a lot.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 and wanted 4 for a long time but age is getting me. Coming off that 1st year of no sleep and think I may be done. With my first 2 kids if we didn't sleep well we could catch up with naps or early bedtime. Now my older kid has school, sports, religious school etc etc and his day after that and dinner and hw never ends early and there is also no sleeping in because it repeats the next day. I remember with the baby stage of my 2nd on real bad days I would just have my oldest (than 3) skip preschool and we would rest and lounge all day. That is not an option in grade school. DH also has taken on more case loads that require travel. I work from home 2 days a week and can't cut back further without being totally out if the workforce which scares me. Just doesnt seem like a 4th would work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 and wanted 4 for a long time but age is getting me. Coming off that 1st year of no sleep and think I may be done. With my first 2 kids if we didn't sleep well we could catch up with naps or early bedtime. Now my older kid has school, sports, religious school etc etc and his day after that and dinner and hw never ends early and there is also no sleeping in because it repeats the next day. I remember with the baby stage of my 2nd on real bad days I would just have my oldest (than 3) skip preschool and we would rest and lounge all day. That is not an option in grade school. DH also has taken on more case loads that require travel. I work from home 2 days a week and can't cut back further without being totally out if the workforce which scares me. Just doesnt seem like a 4th would work.

Yeah I think the lack of downtime/recuperation time is drastically decreased with each child. It makes the margins feel very thin whenever anyone gets sick or other life stuff comes up. That is a good point. I tend to think about best case days but most days are not those.

[Anonymous]

I wanted four, I got married in my late 30's so I dropped that to 2. I gave birth at 40 and after a year of sleep deprivation (DS was an awful sleeper) and sleep interruptions and continuing to age, I had the 1 child.

I don't regret having 1 child. I waited to find someone I loved to marry. We have a great child together, he is amazing and fun and loving and wonderful, even if he continues to be a crappy sleeper. If I had gotten pregnant a second time, I would have been fine with having a second child. It didn't happen and we did not want to try to increase the likelihood of having a baby so child 2 didn't happen. I got to the point where I did not want to risk a pregnancy, for my health and a potential child's health, so we have the one.

[Anonymous]

I thought I wanted a big family, but it turned out I'm not so good at the carrying to term thing, so we counted ourselves blessed with two living children and decided not to temp fate further. Way too much drama and trauma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wanted four, I got married in my late 30's so I dropped that to 2. I gave birth at 40 and after a year of sleep deprivation (DS was an awful sleeper) and sleep interruptions and continuing to age, I had the 1 child.

I don't regret having 1 child. I waited to find someone I loved to marry. We have a great child together, he is amazing and fun and loving and wonderful, even if he continues to be a crappy sleeper. If I had gotten pregnant a second time, I would have been fine with having a second child. It didn't happen and we did not want to try to increase the likelihood of having a baby so child 2 didn't happen. I got to the point where I did not want to risk a pregnancy, for my health and a potential child's health, so we have the one.

Not risking health of child — good point. I think about this beyond pregnancy also, because I know the more the kid:adult ratio rises the more risk of accidents goes up. Also overall health and safety, whether that is taking the time to teach them how to navigate situations or building up strong immunity through good nutrition...all that takes a lot of time.

[Anonymous]

Years ago I had strong physical urges to have children and now I have equally strong physical urges to never have another kid. I see a sweet cute baby and the thought of having another makes my stomach tighten and I go tense and queasy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Initially wanted three but pregnant with #2 now (third trimester) and this will be it for us. I can't handle the mental or physical demands of another pregnancy.

This