Do you miss your ex even if you’re over them?

[Anonymous]

Divorced PP here. I don’t know that I’m happy, but I’m at peace. I don’t have the constant low level simmering anger of unmet expectations, disappointment and resentment. I feel at peace in my own home. Of course I have a whole new set of problems but I don’t regret the split (not that it was 100% my idea in the least). Maybe I will be happy someday? But there will always be a shadow of grief for what was lost or never meant to be. Such is life.

[Anonymous]

I'm divorced. I don't miss my ex-husband at all. I cannot even remember any of the good times anymore because of how awful he's been since. When someone argues with you about paying for their children's expenses and proves to be a subpar parent, they just stop being attractive. Funnily enough, him cheating on me and hitting me were less deterrents to missing him than him being not a good parent. That's what broke any love I had for him.

I miss an old boyfriend though. I think of him a lot. Of how he made me feel, of how wonderful he was, and I often find myself wishing him well. I genuinely want him to be happy and loved. We didn't work out, but it had nothing to do with him, I was not ready. If our paths cross again, that would be lovely, but I genuinely want him happy, and if that's not with me, it's not with me.

[Anonymous]

I used to miss and dream about my ex, and he would call or email. He said the same / I’d call out the blue and he’s dreamt of me the night before. I love him and always will. I’ve accepted that even though we are both single, we may never be together again, and if that’s the case I’m happy just being able to have his true friendship there was a time when that I didn’t have that and my heart would literally hurt. This went on for years.. I used to struggle with the affection vs love, but I finally feel normal and gratitude for who we are now. True friends.

But if he asked me, I would say yes.

The best thing to do if you have a rare love like this is brace it in it’s form, give it thanks, keep it healthy, and don’t let it blind you to the good traits in others because you will never replicate something so organically powerful and pure. Best not to compare, force titles, force expectations trying to recreate a zing. Just be thankful you actually experienced s zing and then be bored in a relationship with s good person like most other normals.

[Anonymous]

I don't miss nay of them. I do, however, miss the better sex I had with some of them. A few really had some talents that developed over the course of our relationship that are hard to match.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Sometimes I might remember the good sex we had a bit wistfully, or the things we did together...but that’s more about missing my lost youth than missing them. The pain and longing is gone. I might occasionally feel curious about what happened to them.

This. I don't miss my ex, I miss the period of my life that he represents. Sometimes I think about how much more interesting and exciting my life would be if we had stayed together, but rationally I know it would be a disaster.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't seem like anyone answering is "over them", including OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. Sometimes I might remember the good sex we had a bit wistfully, or the things we did together...but that’s more about missing my lost youth than missing them. The pain and longing is gone. I might occasionally feel curious about what happened to them.

This. I don't miss my ex, I miss the period of my life that he represents. Sometimes I think about how much more interesting and exciting my life would be if we had stayed together, but rationally I know it would be a disaster.

+100 Although I know that my life would be awful now if I had stayed with him. No question. There is no regret breaking up with him although we did have a lot of wild and crazy times together that I do remember with fondness. But I remember the bad times and betrayals, too, and lord knows I am so, so glad to be free of that.

[Anonymous]

Hell to the no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am newly divorced (18 months since we separated in word, 7 since he moved out). We were together 15 years. I do not miss him per se but I do miss having a person, and also the idea of being an intact family unit. I sometimes feel like a misfit in a world made for couples / families now. Kid events are really difficult. I don’t miss being his romantic partner in the least though. So I guess my answer is kind of?

Great answer. This is why I stay married, why I endure it. You're braver than me.

Are you happy?

Don't endure it. I left - finally. Been divorced for 2 years. Engaged to be married now. Now my kids get to see a real relationship and a how a man can really love a woman. I am grateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am newly divorced (18 months since we separated in word, 7 since he moved out). We were together 15 years. I do not miss him per se but I do miss having a person, and also the idea of being an intact family unit. I sometimes feel like a misfit in a world made for couples / families now. Kid events are really difficult. I don’t miss being his romantic partner in the least though. So I guess my answer is kind of?

Great answer. This is why I stay married, why I endure it. You're braver than me.

Are you happy?

Don't endure it. I left - finally. Been divorced for 2 years. Engaged to be married now. Now my kids get to see a real relationship and a how a man can really love a woman. I am grateful.

[Anonymous]

I miss my ex's parents but not him (I'm the one who left, but it was due to finding out he was cheating). They were absolutely delightful and I loved spending time with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm divorced. I don't miss my ex-husband at all. I cannot even remember any of the good times anymore because of how awful he's been since. When someone argues with you about paying for their children's expenses and proves to be a subpar parent, they just stop being attractive.

This is me, 100%. When we were married, I was able to get past the awful financial decisions and the ADHD-related mess and screw-ups. When I really started despising him was when he started undermining our kids. I could list the multiple ways he undermined the kids, but I might out us, so just suffice it to say that one kid barely talks to him anymore.

Yep, I’m just really glad he’s gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm divorced. I don't miss my ex-husband at all. I cannot even remember any of the good times anymore because of how awful he's been since. When someone argues with you about paying for their children's expenses and proves to be a subpar parent, they just stop being attractive. Funnily enough, him cheating on me and hitting me were less deterrents to missing him than him being not a good parent. That's what broke any love I had for him.

I miss an old boyfriend though. I think of him a lot. Of how he made me feel, of how wonderful he was, and I often find myself wishing him well. I genuinely want him to be happy and loved. We didn't work out, but it had nothing to do with him, I was not ready. If our paths cross again, that would be lovely, but I genuinely want him happy, and if that's not with me, it's not with me.

+ 1

[Anonymous]

I only miss the sex. She was a very, very dirty girl.

[Anonymous]

Been divorced for a long time. I do miss the person who was my best friend before everything went to sh8t. Problem is I know now that he can't be trusted, so although I'll always love him, I know that he is capable of awful things and I can't put myself in harm's way again. It's sad.