How to deal with an anxious and sensitive child?

[Anonymous]

My son is anxious, and what works for us (although he's 10 not 4) is paraphrasing when he's upset - so no lecturing about why the rule is what it is, but "I hear you're upset that you have to stop your game in the middle because screen time is over", "I hear that you're frustrated because you made so much progress", "I hear you think its unfair and that I'm being mean". I don't change the rule, I don't change the outcome (the screens go away), I literally just paraphrase what he's saying so that he feels heard.

The other thing that helps, and it sounds counter productive, is to NOT engage in the argument. The expectations are made clear, I say one time why I'm doing whatever it is I'm doing, and then I start paraphrasing but I do NOT negotiate. This was especially helpful when my son was much younger (in the 4-6 age range) because when a 4 year old is given too much power over their life they literally don't know how to handle it. They aren't ready.

[Anonymous]

Yes to stating the expectation once. Calmly. That worked well for our son.

Another was to get to his level when he first started ramping up. Speak calmly, reassure that she can handle it.

If she's already beyond that just hold her for a few minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP this piece on child anxiety came out on NPR today.

https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2019/04/15/711213752/for-kids-with-anxiety-parents-learn-to-let-them-face-their-fears

You should search the archives of the Special Needs forum for more information from parents who are farther down the road than you are.

I was going to recommend that too! I listened to that this morning.

I hope this doesn't get moved to the special needs forum. I don't think it's that severe and I think you'll get more responses here. My DD is similar and I too am searching for ways to help her. We've been reading a lot of books on anxiety. I believe that my DD is more sensitive than us and DH and I need to give her what she's missing to help her feel good inside (Maybe the way I always felt lonely my entire childhood). Similar to how people approach relating to others' 5 love languages. When she's very anxious and overwhelmed, we ask her if she needs a hug. The first few times it felt forced (Really? A hug when she's grumpy and feeling overwhelmed?) but then it worked so well. It helps her calm down and realize we're there to help her. Her behavior has really turned around. We also have been talking through things a lot before they happen and then after they happen and weren't as awful as she thought.

My child is 7. We've been working with a school based counselor and using the method described in the article. It's been really amazing for my daughter. In 6 months she's gone from multiple crying, shaking anxiety attacks each day, to maybe one a month that takes her a half hour to recover from. And, what I thought was just a high strung personality has really toned down-less whining, less worrying, less social conflict. It's amazing and I wish we had started addressing it sooner.

Can you talk more about the method? I did listen to the news article too

We completely stopped reassuring. Reassurance was soothing her for a minute but then she just needed another hit so it was making her more anxious. Instead of saying "don't worry" "it's okay" "you'll be fine" we say "you sound worried, what are you worried about?" "do you feel nervous? why?" "Well, if that happened what would happen next? what would you do?" "that sounds hard, what do you think you can do to feel better" So, really helping her slowly build the tools to self-soothe and to talk herself down when she starts catastrophizing.

[Anonymous]

https://www.amazon.com/Out-Sync-Child-Recognizing-Processing/dp/0399531653

https://www.amazon.com/Orchid-Dandelion-W-Thomas-Boyce/dp/0670070106

[Anonymous]

She sounds adhd to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds adhd to me.

Hi, Dr. Mommy Troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds adhd to me.

Hi, Dr. Mommy Troll.

Why am I a mommy troll? That is exactly how my dd used to act. Hyper adhd diagnosed. Everything was a huge deal, her way or the high way. Oh, and my DS has insane anxiety, none of the behavior op is describing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds adhd to me.

Hi, Dr. Mommy Troll.

Why am I a mommy troll? That is exactly how my dd used to act. Hyper adhd diagnosed. Everything was a huge deal, her way or the high way. Oh, and my DS has insane anxiety, none of the behavior op is describing.

NP. My child is sensitive with anxiety too, and doesn’t sound like OP’s kid either. Not all sensitive kids are the same. Mine is more of a people-pleaser and wants to follow the rules, she wouldn’t ever throw a tantrum.

OP’s kid might have more OCD tendencies with nail picking. Assuming OP has already exhausted discipline and consistency.