Has you child ever taken a medical leave of absence for mental health issues?

[Anonymous]

When I was at college a guy in my dorms had a huge nervous breakdown and threatened to kill some random people he was passing in corridors as it was playing out. He then spent the next semester in a mental institution. But he came back to school and when he did, he apologized to everyone he had threatened. He was a genius and finished top of his class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the title suggests, someone close to me has a child leaving school for a medical leave of absence. The kid has struggled with anxiety that has manifested in cutting, anorexia, bulimia and some non-prescribed drug abuse.

It seemed like this person was doing well. The student’s father, who is close to me, is really struggling with this decision. I would love some advice on how to help him. Any advice on how to help the student would be great too, but I’m not family and not that close (I’ve only met the kid a few times) so I don’t think I really have a role to play there.

Have you had a child leave school for mental health reasons, and if so, how did it turn out? It seems to me like it’s a good sign that the kid knows to ask for help, and that taking a semester or two off to get help rather than gut it out is a good thing? Thanks in advance for any help you have.

Yes, my DD took off this past fall semester due to her depression & anxiety getting worse. She’s a college junior. It was the toughest call I had to receive back in September that she was struggling & needed to take a break, but I knew the right thing to say and told her we’d pick her up (university is 5 hours away). Emotionally, though, I was guilty about feeling torn, because I wanted her to be mentally healthy but I also wanted her to get her college degree. I posted a thread on DCUM at the time—maybe in Special Needs, I can’t remember.

Anyway, we jumped into rescue mode. For 4 months until the end of December, my DD saw her regular psychiatrist, visited a cognitive behavioral therapist weekly, changed her meds, and focused on nothing but her well-being. I’d been tempted to ask her to get a job (you know, the whole “you need to be productive!” mindset, but the psychiatrist said to treat her as if she’s ill. Just as a physically sick person would need to rest her body, in the same fashion my DD needed to rest her mind.

The university (a top 25 public...not to be overly specific) was helpful in preserving DD’s academic path. They allowed a late withdrawal with all funds returned, though she was just past the no-cost withdrawal period. It wasn’t a medical withdrawal, just a leave. They kept her academic scholarship on ice, as long as she’d go back full-time within a year. And they let us know that she could come back without needing to be readmitted as long as she didn’t miss 3 consecutive semesters.

It’s gone better than we hoped, although I always have anxiety about what’s to come. After the 4-month healing break, during which her meds were tweaked to a more effective level, my daughter returned to a modified semester. We paid for her to live in an apartment near campus, and we paid for a couple of part-time classes. She also took on a volunteer role working with animals, which gives her joy. She’s far better than she was, though I check in with her daily, per her therapist’s recommendation.

She’s still on schedule to be a senior by the fall, but I don’t think she’ll be able to go full-time. That means she’ll lose her academic scholarship, and she won’t graduate in 4 years. My DH and I have reassured her that it’s okay, but her perfectionism is such that it could exacerbate her depression. We can only hope that we’re putting the right supports in place, and everyone has to go at her own pace. We’ve also told her that it’s okay to come home if she needs to, even if it means not finishing her degree. Nothing is more important than her health. That’s something I used to say, but now I feel it in my bones.

Good luck to your friend.

[Anonymous]

This is not an uncommon problem. Many kids these days take 5-6 years to graduate. It's hopefully just a bump in the road.

[Anonymous]

I went to MIT and this is what they called it when people were failing out. They would force them to take leave, reassess and welcome them back. I knew several able to pull it together and graduate that way. None were for actual mental illness.

[Anonymous]

Come to think of it, this happened to my mom. Her parents hired a smart boy in the community to tutor her during this time off. She finished her degree(s). And they got married. There is room in life for more than just a single path. Best wishes to this student and family.

[Anonymous]

My anxiety disorder manifested my first year in college during spring semester. I battled through at first, but by the end of the semester I was emailing professors and making alternate arrangements because the anxiety attacks I got in class were so severe. The mental health center on campus was a big help with facilitating these arrangements as well.

That summer I ended up deciding to apply for a leave of absence with the university. It was a simple process and I was able to enroll at NOVA while we figured out which meds worked best for me so I didn't fall behind. I did NOVA for a year while I got my anxiety under control and then was able to go back to my university for my Junior year.

At first I was a bit embarrassed by it but then I learned that students leaving for a year was much more common than I thought. My on campus counselor I met with told me that kids going to ivies take their gap year before starting college but those going to other universities are more prone to take gap years after the first year or between junior and senior year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As the title suggests, someone close to me has a child leaving school for a medical leave of absence. The kid has struggled with anxiety that has manifested in cutting, anorexia, bulimia and some non-prescribed drug abuse.

It seemed like this person was doing well. The student’s father, who is close to me, is really struggling with this decision. I would love some advice on how to help him. Any advice on how to help the student would be great too, but I’m not family and not that close (I’ve only met the kid a few times) so I don’t think I really have a role to play there.

Have you had a child leave school for mental health reasons, and if so, how did it turn out? It seems to me like it’s a good sign that the kid knows to ask for help, and that taking a semester or two off to get help rather than gut it out is a good thing? Thanks in advance for any help you have.

Yes, my DD took off this past fall semester due to her depression & anxiety getting worse. She’s a college junior. It was the toughest call I had to receive back in September that she was struggling & needed to take a break, but I knew the right thing to say and told her we’d pick her up (university is 5 hours away). Emotionally, though, I was guilty about feeling torn, because I wanted her to be mentally healthy but I also wanted her to get her college degree. I posted a thread on DCUM at the time—maybe in Special Needs, I can’t remember.

Anyway, we jumped into rescue mode. For 4 months until the end of December, my DD saw her regular psychiatrist, visited a cognitive behavioral therapist weekly, changed her meds, and focused on nothing but her well-being. I’d been tempted to ask her to get a job (you know, the whole “you need to be productive!” mindset, but the psychiatrist said to treat her as if she’s ill. Just as a physically sick person would need to rest her body, in the same fashion my DD needed to rest her mind.

The university (a top 25 public...not to be overly specific) was helpful in preserving DD’s academic path. They allowed a late withdrawal with all funds returned, though she was just past the no-cost withdrawal period. It wasn’t a medical withdrawal, just a leave. They kept her academic scholarship on ice, as long as she’d go back full-time within a year. And they let us know that she could come back without needing to be readmitted as long as she didn’t miss 3 consecutive semesters.

It’s gone better than we hoped, although I always have anxiety about what’s to come. After the 4-month healing break, during which her meds were tweaked to a more effective level, my daughter returned to a modified semester. We paid for her to live in an apartment near campus, and we paid for a couple of part-time classes. She also took on a volunteer role working with animals, which gives her joy. She’s far better than she was, though I check in with her daily, per her therapist’s recommendation.

She’s still on schedule to be a senior by the fall, but I don’t think she’ll be able to go full-time. That means she’ll lose her academic scholarship, and she won’t graduate in 4 years. My DH and I have reassured her that it’s okay, but her perfectionism is such that it could exacerbate her depression. We can only hope that we’re putting the right supports in place, and everyone has to go at her own pace. We’ve also told her that it’s okay to come home if she needs to, even if it means not finishing her degree. Nothing is more important than her health. That’s something I used to say, but now I feel it in my bones.

Good luck to your friend.

This is extremely helpful (as are all of the other replies). I'll pass along to my friend. Interestingly they talked about her getting a job to stay active (inactivity, I think, has added to the depression for this person) but it's really good to think of the down time as healing the body. Everything you said was helpful. Thank you so much - glad to hear your daughter is healing and that you're all doing better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Anyway, we jumped into rescue mode. For 4 months until the end of December, my DD saw her regular psychiatrist, visited a cognitive behavioral therapist weekly, changed her meds, and focused on nothing but her well-being. I’d been tempted to ask her to get a job (you know, the whole “you need to be productive!” mindset, but the psychiatrist said to treat her as if she’s ill. Just as a physically sick person would need to rest her body, in the same fashion my DD needed to rest her mind.

The university (a top 25 public...not to be overly specific) was helpful in preserving DD’s academic path. They allowed a late withdrawal with all funds returned, though she was just past the no-cost withdrawal period. It wasn’t a medical withdrawal, just a leave. They kept her academic scholarship on ice, as long as she’d go back full-time within a year. And they let us know that she could come back without needing to be readmitted as long as she didn’t miss 3 consecutive semesters.

It’s gone better than we hoped, although I always have anxiety about what’s to come. After the 4-month healing break, during which her meds were tweaked to a more effective level, my daughter returned to a modified semester. We paid for her to live in an apartment near campus, and we paid for a couple of part-time classes. She also took on a volunteer role working with animals, which gives her joy. She’s far better than she was, though I check in with her daily, per her therapist’s recommendation.

She’s still on schedule to be a senior by the fall, but I don’t think she’ll be able to go full-time. That means she’ll lose her academic scholarship, and she won’t graduate in 4 years. My DH and I have reassured her that it’s okay, but her perfectionism is such that it could exacerbate her depression. We can only hope that we’re putting the right supports in place, and everyone has to go at her own pace. We’ve also told her that it’s okay to come home if she needs to, even if it means not finishing her degree. Nothing is more important than her health. That’s something I used to say, but now I feel it in my bones.

Good luck to your friend.

We’re doing the exact same Rescue Mode with my Junior Stepson this semester. I’ve been spending Sunday’s prepping healthy meals and snacks and bringing them to his moms house. He takes walks with his mom. I’m glad your daughter is on the upswing. I hope my stepson takes a similar path.

[Anonymous]

OP here. She’s been home for about a month now and it is not going well at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She’s been home for about a month now and it is not going well at all.

NP: I'm so sorry to hear that. Healing wishes to her and your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She’s been home for about a month now and it is not going well at all.

What's not going well? What therapy is she having?

[Anonymous]

From the perspective of a professor, I say get your child out of the stressful college environment if the MH issues are severe. College can be really tough for kids who are struggling. They don't get enough sleep, eat poorly, and feel a tremendous amount of social and academic stress. Take a semester or year off to get well and then come back. There is no harm or shame in taking time off to get well.

[Anonymous]

I’m an attorney for a large company and handle employment. Many people take leave for mental health issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She’s been home for about a month now and it is not going well at all.

What's not going well? What therapy is she having?

She’s deep in her bulimia again. She is going to therapy but according to her mom she is going begrudgingly. It’s hard on my friend and his ex, obviously. They’re not sure what to do- they’ve been dealing with her bulimia for years, both been in therapy and family therapy too and they’re at their wits end right now. Her mom wants her to stay with my friend, but he’s hesitant because he travels so much for work. I offered to stay at his house with her he’s gone. We’re going to give it a shot for a few days next week. I really like his daughter even though we don’t know each other very well - hopefully I can be a friend to her. But I guess the main point is that she’s not really getting help or the help hasn’t been effective and the older she gets the more frustrated her parents are.

[Anonymous]

I think that’s worth noting that for anxiety and depression, the average hospitalization is a week. Eating disorders, substance abuse, self-harm (cutting), and schizophrenia or any psychosis will likely be longer. But still not months and months usually. So the question becomes what does the college student do with the rest of their leave. Partial hospitalization programs with intensive therapy are a good short term plan, but then there needs to be a way of reintroducing light duties and normal activities.