Has you child ever taken a medical leave of absence for mental health issues?

[Anonymous]

As the title suggests, someone close to me has a child leaving school for a medical leave of absence. The kid has struggled with anxiety that has manifested in cutting, anorexia, bulimia and some non-prescribed drug abuse.

It seemed like this person was doing well. The student’s father, who is close to me, is really struggling with this decision. I would love some advice on how to help him. Any advice on how to help the student would be great too, but I’m not family and not that close (I’ve only met the kid a few times) so I don’t think I really have a role to play there.

Have you had a child leave school for mental health reasons, and if so, how did it turn out? It seems to me like it’s a good sign that the kid knows to ask for help, and that taking a semester or two off to get help rather than gut it out is a good thing? Thanks in advance for any help you have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the title suggests, someone close to me has a child leaving school for a medical leave of absence. The kid has struggled with anxiety that has manifested in cutting, anorexia, bulimia and some non-prescribed drug abuse.

It seemed like this person was doing well. The student’s father, who is close to me, is really struggling with this decision. I would love some advice on how to help him. Any advice on how to help the student would be great too, but I’m not family and not that close (I’ve only met the kid a few times) so I don’t think I really have a role to play there.

Have you had a child leave school for mental health reasons, and if so, how did it turn out? It seems to me like it’s a good sign that the kid knows to ask for help, and that taking a semester or two off to get help rather than gut it out is a good thing? Thanks in advance for any help you have.

I know someone who did this. Went home. Daily (group) therapy for a few months, I think. Ended up going back to a different college. Thinks time out/change of environment was really life-saving. This was a two year (maybe 1.5 year) process — in part because of change of school. Can be hard on parents who are wondering what comes next, when will kid be ready. But with love and patience it worked out.

Another friend with a similar story about one of his kids says that in group they’ve gotten to know families where the kid/parents hesitated to take a leave and waited til they had no choice. At which point the kids were in much worse shape. He says it’s kind of tragic because these are typically the most talented/successful kids — aka those whose parents felt that they had a lot to lose by admitting there was a problem and taking time off. Because the context he’s talking about involves addiction, the road back is rockier and some of the damage may be permanent.

[Anonymous]

My son had to leave HS for almost a year due to MH issues. The year and a half before that were pure hell with many hospitalizations and lots of treatment, self harm, violence and suicide attempts. It’s turning out ok. We found effective treatment and were now all rebuilding our lives.

Where the illness is mental, people don’t step in and help. What I would have appreciated is some help with carpools. Someone volunteering to take my younger kid overnight when things were really bad. Someone telling me I could drop younger kid off on the way to the hospital so they didn’t have to spend the night at home alone. And some meals would have been really nice because we had so much on our plates. I am embarrassed to admit that ramen noodles were dinner most nights for a very long time.

[Anonymous]

Actually, my friend did the opposite and kept their kid in school, although they did not have the amount of issues you posted. They had some known anxiety and depression, but suddenly the kid was giving off signals that things were going downhill and still they stayed. They ended up with a suicide attempt. It felt like at the time the parents wanted to keep up appearances (kid was in a top school) rather than have to explain why the kid was home. Obviously, it didn't turn out well. Your friends are smart bringing the kid back home.

It's kind of hard to give advice in this situation, especially since you don't really know the kid, but from my observations, keeping the kid somewhat busy is helpful. Have them take a hobby class in something fun and interesting or do some volunteering work with youth sports or animals if there is an interest there or get a part time job, that sort of thing. I think it helps to have a routine and a place to go where they aren't just sitting around staring at the walls while everyone they know is in school. Have the dad engage and do some of these things with the kid if possible. Spending some real time together supporting them and not bringing up everything they did wrong seemed helpful with my friend. If the kid is reluctant to get behind peers in school, compromise and have them take 1 or 2 CC classes and commute, so that they can keep an eye on them while they get the help they need.

As far as what to say, it's really nobody's business, but nosy people will probably ask. My friend asked me what to say when her large family started asking a bunch of questions, and I told her just to say that it turned out the school just wasn't a good fit and they are taking a semester off looking at their options.

[Anonymous]

I know a kid who left a HYPSM school after one year - dad didn't agree with the decision because, you know, how can you give up such a great opportunity? But it may have saved the kid's life - he stayed at home for a year, getting therapy and stabilized on medication. Then went to a large state school where an older sibling was, and has done very, very well there - will be graduating this year and going on to a great grad school. Seems happy and stable.

[Anonymous]

I think mental health issues are health issues. They are the same as any medical issue. I would encourage the father to see it as if his child were taking some time off to deal with cancer. Clearly dad would not have a problem with the child taking a medical leave of absence because he or she had cancer. Correct? Anorexia is every bit as serious as cancer, in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think mental health issues are health issues. They are the same as any medical issue. I would encourage the father to see it as if his child were taking some time off to deal with cancer. Clearly dad would not have a problem with the child taking a medical leave of absence because he or she had cancer. Correct? Anorexia is every bit as serious as cancer, in my opinion.

+1 This. At my Ivy undergrad, I can think of 2 people who left during freshmen year to get mental health issues under control. Both came back after a year and graduated.

[Anonymous]

I had severe mental health issues in college and took a medical leave. I probably would have died if I didn’t (had a suicide attempt).

After hospitalization, meds, extensive therapy, I came back to school eventually.

It was amazing to me how much “clearer” everything became after I returned and was stable. Classes were easier, less weight on my shoulders.

I am an adult now with a family and career. It has been a journey. But recovery is possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the title suggests, someone close to me has a child leaving school for a medical leave of absence. The kid has struggled with anxiety that has manifested in cutting, anorexia, bulimia and some non-prescribed drug abuse.

It seemed like this person was doing well. The student’s father, who is close to me, is really struggling with this decision. I would love some advice on how to help him. Any advice on how to help the student would be great too, but I’m not family and not that close (I’ve only met the kid a few times) so I don’t think I really have a role to play there.

Have you had a child leave school for mental health reasons, and if so, how did it turn out? It seems to me like it’s a good sign that the kid knows to ask for help, and that taking a semester or two off to get help rather than gut it out is a good thing? Thanks in advance for any help you have.

Recommend taking advantage of the school's professionals for their perspective. Privacy is a concern, but they should be able to provide background information and a support system.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As the title suggests, someone close to me has a child leaving school for a medical leave of absence. The kid has struggled with anxiety that has manifested in cutting, anorexia, bulimia and some non-prescribed drug abuse.

It seemed like this person was doing well. The student’s father, who is close to me, is really struggling with this decision. I would love some advice on how to help him. Any advice on how to help the student would be great too, but I’m not family and not that close (I’ve only met the kid a few times) so I don’t think I really have a role to play there.

Have you had a child leave school for mental health reasons, and if so, how did it turn out? It seems to me like it’s a good sign that the kid knows to ask for help, and that taking a semester or two off to get help rather than gut it out is a good thing? Thanks in advance for any help you have.

I had a friend who started freshman year a year before me, and then re-started again with me as a freshman. Eating issues, and needed to go into rehab. I can't imagine how she wold have coped "on her own" in that environment without doing the year off.

[Anonymous]

These answers have been really helpful. My friend (the student’s dad) is going to go over and have a talk today with both his child and his ex. Hopefully everyone is really supportive of the kid, especially right now when I’m sure emotions are high. I talked with my friend about the positive side of this - how it’s a chance for this child to finally deal with the issues that clearly haven’t been resolved yet and then move forward into life with stable footing.

I’m sure I’m preaching to the choir here but...there’s so much currency placed on your kids and their accomplishments. It’s no wonder some of them can’t handle that pressure. I wonder if the pendulum is going to swing back at some point. This level of pressure put on kids seems truly unsustainable.

[Anonymous]

There is absolutely nothing to gain by trying to stick it out when you are too unwell (for any reason) to do the academic work and deal with the responsibilities and pressures of life on campus. Take time off, get better and then come back and actually enjoy the experience and show what you are capable of.

[Anonymous]

As an RA, 3 of the residents I referred to Crisis Center ended up taking mental health leave. That was about 30% of my referrals in 18 months. The university had a pretty simple process for taking leave (a one page form) and a very complex one for being cleared to come back (lots of forms, a meeting with the Dean, another with the RD if you wanted to live on campus again). The only student I referred who I know returned was a girl who had been sexually assaulted the first week of classes. She came back after a year. Another student with anorexia and one with a drug problem I never saw again.

[Anonymous]

I went to an ivy undergrad and saw it happen a handful of times for issues including depression, bipolar, alcohol abuse and anorexia. All but one finished their degree at the ivy at some point and they were all in much better shape. The one who didn't finish at our U, lived at home and finished at a college closer to home.

I also knew someone there who I later found out had bipolar. He had gone off his meds and after a manic phase started sinking into a dark depression. I only knew him as a happy and brilliant guy. He refused any help and insisted his fine. He went home for Spring Break and killed himself.

I applaud any student brave enough to take leave to take care of mental health. It is so much better than the alternative.

[Anonymous]

I have also seen this subject matter on College Confidential/parents forum. Some people there talked about the logistics of leaving a school. For example, medical withdrawal vs simply packing up and leaving.