Do you and friends talk about your salaries? How does it come up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have never talked about salaries, ever. I get that it’s possible that a friend is secretly struggling or secretly extremely rich, but in the case of our friends, it seems unlikely. Everyone’s job title/industry/education kind of clicks exactly with their home/cars/lifestyle. I started my career later than many of my friends, and when I got my first FT salaried job I began to notice how infrequently work came up in conversation once it was a big part of my life. Like no one ever said, man I got a shitty review or yay I got a bonus.

That is true for the spenders, but not the savers. In my group people might think I am just doing ok if you look at those things, but what they don't know is how I save and how much I have in my investment accounts.

Definitely can't judge on those things.

I am not into showy things like jewelry, handbags, clothes, cars, but I do like to take nice vacations.

[Anonymous]

Guys don’t talk to each other about salaries either. Would be too divisive. For what it’s worth the only acquaintance (other than my wife) who I have ever known the salary of was a girlfriend who worked at an investment bank and it was bonus season; and a guy who is self employed who had his first 100k year

Guys may do other things (or be perceived as the bread winner) in ways that help their salary negotiations, but talking about it, in my experience, isn’t one of them

[Anonymous]

My friends are too competitive to reveal this.

[Anonymous]

Yes, but only with one friend from college. We’ve tracked the same salary projection, but in entirely different industries. We only discuss it with each other and we used it as a way to celebrate milestones for each other because we were single late into our 30s. So things like ‘I got a 20% bonus this year!! Woohoo!’ It gave us an opportunity to celebrate each other’s financial milestones.

She just got a new job that’s giving her a 50% pay raise, which really is life changing (gets her well into the 300s). She called me once she accepted the offer.

My sister has a ballpark idea of my salary because we’ve also tracked each other pretty closely too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have never talked about salaries, ever. I get that it’s possible that a friend is secretly struggling or secretly extremely rich, but in the case of our friends, it seems unlikely. Everyone’s job title/industry/education kind of clicks exactly with their home/cars/lifestyle. I started my career later than many of my friends, and when I got my first FT salaried job I began to notice how infrequently work came up in conversation once it was a big part of my life. Like no one ever said, man I got a shitty review or yay I got a bonus.

That is true for the spenders, but not the savers. In my group people might think I am just doing ok if you look at those things, but what they don't know is how I save and how much I have in my investment accounts.

Definitely can't judge on those things.

I am not into showy things like jewelry, handbags, clothes, cars, but I do like to take nice vacations.

But wouldn’t people be able to roughly estimate your salary based on all the aspects associated with your job? And assume you are frugal? Do you know people who have shockingly high salaries that would be totally unexpected based on the company and title?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine is high and my friends have no idea. I don't let on because some of the women in my group are really struggling. I kind of wish I could let one of mine know because she is always trying to get me to come work at her company at significantly below my current salary. She has told me about three openings in her company and I always just say I am not interested. I kind of wish I could say that is half of what I am currently making, but I don't want her to feel bad.

NP this is part of what the PP is referencing. You earn twice what her company pays and obviously she thinks what her company pays is good money and fair compensation. You sharing your income might make that woman rethink her choices and explore some different options, but instead you pity and feel sorry for her because she doesn't have the information you won't give her. So dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guys don’t talk to each other about salaries either. Would be too divisive. For what it’s worth the only acquaintance (other than my wife) who I have ever known the salary of was a girlfriend who worked at an investment bank and it was bonus season; and a guy who is self employed who had his first 100k year

Guys may do other things (or be perceived as the bread winner) in ways that help their salary negotiations, but talking about it, in my experience, isn’t one of them

The 40-something we were at dinner with wasn't being divisive or putting down any old friends. He just seemed casually super plugged into the salaries of his old pals. It was fascinating, to us, because I just couldn't understand how that starts. But as some of you in this thread suggest, I bet it began back in college, like senior year FT offers, and just casually continued since. Maybe some competition, but also a lot of congratulatory and maybe insightful as you let other friends understand the lay of the landscape. Can be helpful if you're really plugged into the comp structure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine is high and my friends have no idea. I don't let on because some of the women in my group are really struggling. I kind of wish I could let one of mine know because she is always trying to get me to come work at her company at significantly below my current salary. She has told me about three openings in her company and I always just say I am not interested. I kind of wish I could say that is half of what I am currently making, but I don't want her to feel bad.

NP this is part of what the PP is referencing. You earn twice what her company pays and obviously she thinks what her company pays is good money and fair compensation. You sharing your income might make that woman rethink her choices and explore some different options, but instead you pity and feel sorry for her because she doesn't have the information you won't give her. So dumb.

+1. The old frat boys sharing all this info has added benefit of heightening acuity, prevents "brothers" from getting low-balled.

[Anonymous]

Some of our friends are specialist doctors, some are law firm partners, some are government workers etc. So we don't explicitly discuss salaries but its an easy guess, especially coupled with some of their lifestyles.

[Anonymous]

Never, but my DH is a named officer of a public company so it's easy to see how much he makes but no one ever mentions it.

[Anonymous]

I have a general idea because most of my friends work for the government, and we know what GS levels people are. No one asks about steps.

[Anonymous]

No but amongst my 3 closest DC friends we all have an idea based on where they work plus lifestyle. As in -- the SEC attorney is in the 200k range and doing much better than that salary would suggest because she made her money in 10 years of biglaw and was/is a big investment person (we talk about investments big picture); the DOJ attorney is in the 160k range and complains about money constantly despite the fact that she takes no big vacations/no fancy car etc. so we think it’s big law school loans and mortgage and no real investing; the law firm partner is easily in the 750k range etc.

IDK if we’d ever talk about it. I feel like the SEC attorney and biglaw partner would talk if it was about – hey I’m getting an offer to return to biglaw, this is the money I should expect, right? But none of us would ever involve the DOJ person in this conversation because she’s the type who is always counting others’ money, makes comments about how easy others’ lives are because of money etc. (not sure who is holding a gun to her head to stay in DOJ but I think it’s a martyr complex thing).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure if the PP are women or not, but women talk about salaries less than men and there is a theory that it contributes to the wage gap because women go into negotiations with less knowledge.

Yes, I have heard this too and me and my girlfriends tend to be extremely transparent with our salaries to combat this. Particularly when moving to a new job and negotiating salary, we talk a LOT about what we should be asking for and encourage each other to aim high and not low-ball ourselves. I have one friend in particular who is in my industry and talking with her about salary expectations or the decision to go back to grad school has been priceless. She comes to the conversation with data points and runs the numbers for benefits, stock options, etc. It's really amazing and I do the same with her when she's made career leaps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure if the PP are women or not, but women talk about salaries less than men and there is a theory that it contributes to the wage gap because women go into negotiations with less knowledge.

Yes, I have heard this too and me and my girlfriends tend to be extremely transparent with our salaries to combat this. Particularly when moving to a new job and negotiating salary, we talk a LOT about what we should be asking for and encourage each other to aim high and not low-ball ourselves. I have one friend in particular who is in my industry and talking with her about salary expectations or the decision to go back to grad school has been priceless. She comes to the conversation with data points and runs the numbers for benefits, stock options, etc. It's really amazing and I do the same with her when she's made career leaps.

Yes! I don’t know why more people don’t do this. I say this as a woman and as someone who wants to be/is tracking to be in management.

I once found out that a guy who was not as good as me made several thousand more. This was after I left the company. He apologized. I looked at him and said I wasn’t upset at him (and good for him for getting that salary). I was mad at the partners I had asked for a raise and was told ‘no’.

I never understood why this is a divisive issue.

[Anonymous]

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