When to give wedding gift to child and new spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most wedding gifts arrive before the wedding so I’d give it to them before.

What’s an appropriate wedding gift for a kid? We are spending over $70k on the wedding (their choice) so I wasn’t planning to do a significant gift.

My parents both gave us some money for the wedding (20k and 1k). There wasn't an additional gift. Both moms gave me big gifts at my showers (Kitchenaid mixer and a Le Creuset set).

[Anonymous]

If you are contributing to a wedding - do it much before the wedding during the planning phase. Same goes for contributing for a honeymoon, major appliance, car, home down payment, grandkids education - you give during the planning phase and you give to both the adult offspring and their spouse/intended spouse.

If you want to give only to your own child, you can do that too. But, that gift or inheritance is not given in the context of a wedding or anything else that would be a joint expense or investment for the adult offspring and their spouse. That is not done.

If you give a gift, you have no control of how it will be spent or if the spouse has a say in it. That is why it is important for gifts for a specific purpose to 1) set limits and 2) pay the bill. For example - you may wish to pay for the tuition of your grandkid in a particular school. You can directly pay the tuition, as well as make it clear that you will pay up to x amount and you may choose or not choose to pay for incidentals like field trips or gym uniforms.

Similarly for weddings - you could pay the bill for flowers - up to x amount of money etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is probably a silly question and I'm sure I'm overthinking - but please help.

When your child gets married and you want to gift the new couple a sizable monetary gift (well...maybe not to DCUM lol)...when exactly does the transaction take place?

I feel like the wedding will be busy busy busy and awkward - I don't need the entire wedding to witness or anything.

Do I pull them aside on rehearsal dinner night? Do I do it after the ceremony or reception? I've never been in this situation or witnessed it so I'm not sure the best - and easiest approach that won't take away from their day.

I would tell them that you want to give them a wedding gift but that you want to do that once they come back from the honeymoon so that it is not hectic and when you can take them both out for dinner. That way they know that the gift is coming and it gives you a chance to spend time with them and give them the gift in a more serene way.

Otherwise, you can take them both for dinner BEFORE the wedding, or even have them over for a meal or tea and give them the gift before the wedding. Make the check out to your child though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - it's not to pay for the wedding.

Wedding was paid by couple and bride's family. Rehearsal dinner paid by groom's family.

Wedding is pretty much paid for.

This would serve as wedding gift to couple - to either pay for honeymoon or save or pay down whatever they want.

2-4 mos before the wedding . They have a lot to pay for, save for, and plan for - house, travel, other wedding stuff.

[Anonymous]

OP I just got married and my ILs did this. FIL came over to our house on Sunday after the wedding and gave it to us then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is probably a silly question and I'm sure I'm overthinking - but please help.

When your child gets married and you want to gift the new couple a sizable monetary gift (well...maybe not to DCUM lol)...when exactly does the transaction take place?

I feel like the wedding will be busy busy busy and awkward - I don't need the entire wedding to witness or anything.

Do I pull them aside on rehearsal dinner night? Do I do it after the ceremony or reception? I've never been in this situation or witnessed it so I'm not sure the best - and easiest approach that won't take away from their day.

I would tell them that you want to give them a wedding gift but that you want to do that once they come back from the honeymoon so that it is not hectic and when you can take them both out for dinner. That way they know that the gift is coming and it gives you a chance to spend time with them and give them the gift in a more serene way.

Otherwise, you can take them both for dinner BEFORE the wedding, or even have them over for a meal or tea and give them the gift before the wedding. Make the check out to your child though.

Don't do this. It makes a big deal out of it and it might set them up to expect a larger amount than you are going to give, at which point their surprise may register on their faces when they see the check which will ruin the whole thing.