Daughter calls her stepmother “mom”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be bother me too, but in the end be grateful she is close enough to her "bonus mom" to use that terminology. A child can never have too much love.

This. If a kid chooses to call a stepparent “Mom” or “Dad,” it would be foolish for anyone to correct that. Kids know who their parents are. And if they choose to call a stepparent a term of endearment, then great. It means they feel loved and safe and close. Those are all good things. Anyone, be it parent or stepparent, who steps in to correct that is being petty and making it about the adults. No kid asked for their parents to split up. To then try to control what labels they give the adults around them is selfish.

Agree with this. I really don’t like when parent tries to pressure their kid to call the step mom or dad, but if they call her mom naturally she has probably earned it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be bother me too, but in the end be grateful she is close enough to her "bonus mom" to use that terminology. A child can never have too much love.

This. If a kid chooses to call a stepparent “Mom” or “Dad,” it would be foolish for anyone to correct that. Kids know who their parents are. And if they choose to call a stepparent a term of endearment, then great. It means they feel loved and safe and close. Those are all good things. Anyone, be it parent or stepparent, who steps in to correct that is being petty and making it about the adults. No kid asked for their parents to split up. To then try to control what labels they give the adults around them is selfish.

No, its selfish to call a parent a parent when they are not. Kids have two parents and that should be respected. They can have a good relationship with a stepparent and call them by their first name. How would you feel if you were replaced and your child called someone else mom or dad?

It’s. Not. About. You.

[Anonymous]

My stepdaughter calls me “dad” and her real dad “daddy.” Even after her mother and I divorced!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be bother me too, but in the end be grateful she is close enough to her "bonus mom" to use that terminology. A child can never have too much love.

This. If a kid chooses to call a stepparent “Mom” or “Dad,” it would be foolish for anyone to correct that. Kids know who their parents are. And if they choose to call a stepparent a term of endearment, then great. It means they feel loved and safe and close. Those are all good things. Anyone, be it parent or stepparent, who steps in to correct that is being petty and making it about the adults. No kid asked for their parents to split up. To then try to control what labels they give the adults around them is selfish.

No, its selfish to call a parent a parent when they are not. Kids have two parents and that should be respected. They can have a good relationship with a stepparent and call them by their first name. How would you feel if you were replaced and your child called someone else mom or dad?

Got it. A kid whose parents couldn’t figure out how to stay together get to tell their child that they’re being selfish for calling another person “Mom” or “Dad.” And what’s most important is that respect is maintained for these parents who blew up their family with divorce. That respect trumps everything, including what the child wants.

As to how would I feel? Yeah, I’d probably feel sad and maybe jealous. It would sting. But guess what? I’m the adult and sometimes I have to set my feelings aside when it comes to how my kid is cared for. If I REALLY want the best for my kid, then I want a strong network of support and love surrounding my kid. It’s just not all the grown-ups all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be bother me too, but in the end be grateful she is close enough to her "bonus mom" to use that terminology. A child can never have too much love.

This. If a kid chooses to call a stepparent “Mom” or “Dad,” it would be foolish for anyone to correct that. Kids know who their parents are. And if they choose to call a stepparent a term of endearment, then great. It means they feel loved and safe and close. Those are all good things. Anyone, be it parent or stepparent, who steps in to correct that is being petty and making it about the adults. No kid asked for their parents to split up. To then try to control what labels they give the adults around them is selfish.

No, its selfish to call a parent a parent when they are not. Kids have two parents and that should be respected. They can have a good relationship with a stepparent and call them by their first name. How would you feel if you were replaced and your child called someone else mom or dad?

Got it. A kid whose parents couldn’t figure out how to stay together get to tell their child that they’re being selfish for calling another person “Mom” or “Dad.” And what’s most important is that respect is maintained for these parents who blew up their family with divorce. That respect trumps everything, including what the child wants.

As to how would I feel? Yeah, I’d probably feel sad and maybe jealous. It would sting. But guess what? I’m the adult and sometimes I have to set my feelings aside when it comes to how my kid is cared for. If I REALLY want the best for my kid, then I want a strong network of support and love surrounding my kid. It’s just not all the grown-ups all the time.

Ok, what if it is one parent who cheats, moves in with the AP, (doesn't marry) and then has kids call AP Dad? Or vice versa? You really think that's ok and the parent cheated on should be ok with the AP not only taking their marriage away but replacing them as a parent while they get to write a huge check each month in alimony and child support?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be bother me too, but in the end be grateful she is close enough to her "bonus mom" to use that terminology. A child can never have too much love.

This. If a kid chooses to call a stepparent “Mom” or “Dad,” it would be foolish for anyone to correct that. Kids know who their parents are. And if they choose to call a stepparent a term of endearment, then great. It means they feel loved and safe and close. Those are all good things. Anyone, be it parent or stepparent, who steps in to correct that is being petty and making it about the adults. No kid asked for their parents to split up. To then try to control what labels they give the adults around them is selfish.

No, its selfish to call a parent a parent when they are not. Kids have two parents and that should be respected. They can have a good relationship with a stepparent and call them by their first name. How would you feel if you were replaced and your child called someone else mom or dad?

Got it. A kid whose parents couldn’t figure out how to stay together get to tell their child that they’re being selfish for calling another person “Mom” or “Dad.” And what’s most important is that respect is maintained for these parents who blew up their family with divorce. That respect trumps everything, including what the child wants.

As to how would I feel? Yeah, I’d probably feel sad and maybe jealous. It would sting. But guess what? I’m the adult and sometimes I have to set my feelings aside when it comes to how my kid is cared for. If I REALLY want the best for my kid, then I want a strong network of support and love surrounding my kid. It’s just not all the grown-ups all the time.

Ok, what if it is one parent who cheats, moves in with the AP, (doesn't marry) and then has kids call AP Dad? Or vice versa? You really think that's ok and the parent cheated on should be ok with the AP not only taking their marriage away but replacing them as a parent while they get to write a huge check each month in alimony and child support?

You seem really angry and bitter. Maybe you need to step off the internet for a bit.
Peace to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long has this been going on?

I’m not sure, yesterday was the first time I heard her say it.

How long has stepmom been in her life?

Five years.

To the PP that asked, my daughter is almost 11.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be bother me too, but in the end be grateful she is close enough to her "bonus mom" to use that terminology. A child can never have too much love.

This. If a kid chooses to call a stepparent “Mom” or “Dad,” it would be foolish for anyone to correct that. Kids know who their parents are. And if they choose to call a stepparent a term of endearment, then great. It means they feel loved and safe and close. Those are all good things. Anyone, be it parent or stepparent, who steps in to correct that is being petty and making it about the adults. No kid asked for their parents to split up. To then try to control what labels they give the adults around them is selfish.

No, its selfish to call a parent a parent when they are not. Kids have two parents and that should be respected. They can have a good relationship with a stepparent and call them by their first name. How would you feel if you were replaced and your child called someone else mom or dad?

It’s. Not. About. You.

Exactly. You teach your kids appropriate boundaries on who is mom and dad and who is not. You may replace your spouse but you cannot replace your child's parent. I'm going to assume those ok with it are parents who got remarried and replaced their spouses and make up all kinds of nonsense about the other parent when they are to blame for the failed marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long has this been going on?

I’m not sure, yesterday was the first time I heard her say it.

How long has stepmom been in her life?

Five years.

To the PP that asked, my daughter is almost 11.

Yes, it hurts. It’s okay to feel that. Just keep it to yourself and take comfort in the fact that she feels close to her stepmom. She knows that you’re her mother. Don’t doubt that.

Hugs to you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Have any of you saying mom and dad should be reserved for the bio parents ever been the child of divorce and had stepparents?

Doesn’t sound like it. As long as it was the kid’s decision then I don’t see the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be bother me too, but in the end be grateful she is close enough to her "bonus mom" to use that terminology. A child can never have too much love.

This. If a kid chooses to call a stepparent “Mom” or “Dad,” it would be foolish for anyone to correct that. Kids know who their parents are. And if they choose to call a stepparent a term of endearment, then great. It means they feel loved and safe and close. Those are all good things. Anyone, be it parent or stepparent, who steps in to correct that is being petty and making it about the adults. No kid asked for their parents to split up. To then try to control what labels they give the adults around them is selfish.

No, its selfish to call a parent a parent when they are not. Kids have two parents and that should be respected. They can have a good relationship with a stepparent and call them by their first name. How would you feel if you were replaced and your child called someone else mom or dad?

Got it. A kid whose parents couldn’t figure out how to stay together get to tell their child that they’re being selfish for calling another person “Mom” or “Dad.” And what’s most important is that respect is maintained for these parents who blew up their family with divorce. That respect trumps everything, including what the child wants.

As to how would I feel? Yeah, I’d probably feel sad and maybe jealous. It would sting. But guess what? I’m the adult and sometimes I have to set my feelings aside when it comes to how my kid is cared for. If I REALLY want the best for my kid, then I want a strong network of support and love surrounding my kid. It’s just not all the grown-ups all the time.

Ok, what if it is one parent who cheats, moves in with the AP, (doesn't marry) and then has kids call AP Dad? Or vice versa? You really think that's ok and the parent cheated on should be ok with the AP not only taking their marriage away but replacing them as a parent while they get to write a huge check each month in alimony and child support?

Np here.

If you really want to point fingers, there are still none to point at the children. The parent who did not cheat chose the other parent. So let them deal with it. Putting a burden on children to take sides is as selfish as it gets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have any of you saying mom and dad should be reserved for the bio parents ever been the child of divorce and had stepparents?

Doesn’t sound like it. As long as it was the kid’s decision then I don’t see the issue.

+1 I would be so thankful my child is happy and felt so loved.

[Anonymous]

That would hurt my feelings a little too OP. It's okay to feel threatened and protective of something so important to you.

My friends kids call me "mom number 2" because that's what our relationship is like.

I also wonder if dd wants to feel like the other kids there, and not be the odd one out and calling attention to herself everytime she says name instead of mom.

Maybe can try mom #2 out if it sticks and dd keeps saying it, maybe that dots better with you?

It could be a brief phase too, like exercising her rights to call whoever whatever name. My 12 year old step cousin calls my uncle dad occasionally, but normally in passing (my mom and dad xyz) but to his face or in a group calls him name.

Over there she has a parent unit of dad and wife. So it can be mom-ish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It would be bother me too, but in the end be grateful she is close enough to her "bonus mom" to use that terminology. A child can never have too much love.

This. If a kid chooses to call a stepparent “Mom” or “Dad,” it would be foolish for anyone to correct that. Kids know who their parents are. And if they choose to call a stepparent a term of endearment, then great. It means they feel loved and safe and close. Those are all good things. Anyone, be it parent or stepparent, who steps in to correct that is being petty and making it about the adults. No kid asked for their parents to split up. To then try to control what labels they give the adults around them is selfish.

No, its selfish to call a parent a parent when they are not. Kids have two parents and that should be respected. They can have a good relationship with a stepparent and call them by their first name. How would you feel if you were replaced and your child called someone else mom or dad?

Got it. A kid whose parents couldn’t figure out how to stay together get to tell their child that they’re being selfish for calling another person “Mom” or “Dad.” And what’s most important is that respect is maintained for these parents who blew up their family with divorce. That respect trumps everything, including what the child wants.

As to how would I feel? Yeah, I’d probably feel sad and maybe jealous. It would sting. But guess what? I’m the adult and sometimes I have to set my feelings aside when it comes to how my kid is cared for. If I REALLY want the best for my kid, then I want a strong network of support and love surrounding my kid. It’s just not all the grown-ups all the time.

Ok, what if it is one parent who cheats, moves in with the AP, (doesn't marry) and then has kids call AP Dad? Or vice versa? You really think that's ok and the parent cheated on should be ok with the AP not only taking their marriage away but replacing them as a parent while they get to write a huge check each month in alimony and child support?

Np here.

If you really want to point fingers, there are still none to point at the children. The parent who did not cheat chose the other parent. So let them deal with it. Putting a burden on children to take sides is as selfish as it gets.

Usually the one parent has the stepparent called mom or dad to push out the other parent, especially if they have primary custody. The children greatly suffer when they basically lose the other parent. You take away and dismiss the other parent, it takes away greatly from the kids. You may not see it now, but there is a huge impact on kids and much more later on. You are selfish to think its ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long has this been going on?

I’m not sure, yesterday was the first time I heard her say it.

How long has stepmom been in her life?

Five years.

To the PP that asked, my daughter is almost 11.

Yes, it hurts. It’s okay to feel that. Just keep it to yourself and take comfort in the fact that she feels close to her stepmom. She knows that you’re her mother. Don’t doubt that.

Hugs to you, OP.

Since she’s known her since age 6, that feels like forever to a child. Try to let the hurt go and don’t say anything about it.