Tell me all the worst things about ivf

[Anonymous]

The worst part is the worrying. Really, nothing about the process is as bad as the part where you think about whether or not to do it, worry about side effects, research all the things you "should" be doing to help it work, etc.

If I had to say just on physical side effects -- honestly, again, nothing is worse than the difficult phases of pregnancy. The hormones might give you some side effects but your hormone levels will be SO much higher in pregnancy. Shots are not fun, but it's only two weeks or so. Early morning monitoring sucks, but again, finite. I think if you have a doctor you trust it all goes quite smoothly and you will never know unless you try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The worst part is the worrying. Really, nothing about the process is as bad as the part where you think about whether or not to do it, worry about side effects, research all the things you "should" be doing to help it work, etc.

If I had to say just on physical side effects -- honestly, again, nothing is worse than the difficult phases of pregnancy. The hormones might give you some side effects but your hormone levels will be SO much higher in pregnancy. Shots are not fun, but it's only two weeks or so. Early morning monitoring sucks, but again, finite. I think if you have a doctor you trust it all goes quite smoothly and you will never know unless you try.

This. Physicallly, IVF is a cakewalk compared to pregnancy. Emotionally both are challenging. When you’re pregnant you can worry something will go wrong or about childbirth. Both are very hard. Both are worth it. I feel very bad for women who give up having children simply because they don’t want to do IVF.

[Anonymous]

I said I’d never do IVF. I tried naturally for 3 years and had three ailed IUIs. I broke down and did it. The worst part was me. I stressed and worried about it SO much. I did natural cycle so I can’t speak to the shots, but I really worried about the retrieval. The drugs they promised to make me “not care about anything” didn’t work do the dr just had on soothing music and talked to me the whole time. It really wasn’t bad at all very similar to iui procedure except you feel a pinch. Way less painful than the HSG.

[Anonymous]

I agree with everyone else, the actual injections and drugs aren't that bad. It's all the "what-ifs" playing through your head that are the worst. For us, we absolutely have to do IVF as my husband doesn't have a vas deferens. That, along with the fact that we were OOP for our first cycle really added to the stress. Thankfully, it worked the first time for us. The only other thing that I can think of as a big negative other than the cost was the constant appointments. Thankfully, my first IVF clinic was right by my office and my boss was very flexible with coming in a little late in the mornings and taking a couple days off for procedures.

[Anonymous]

As others have said already -- the fear and anxiety that after everything -- all the injections, monitoring, money, etc. -- the one thing that you want more than anything in the world might not happen for you. Not ever. A lot of this process has to do with giving up the illusion of control. You can do everything "right" -- exercise (but not too much), abstain from coffee/alcohol/gluten/(basically all the fun things), keep your feet and your uterus warm, throw out all your Tupperware and replace it with glass, follow your protocol to the letter and still, the ultimate outcome might not be what you envisioned. (Meanwhile, meth heads the world over are getting pregnant the old-fashioned way well into their 40s...)

Something that helped me was a line I heard on an infertility podcast. It basically boils down to "If you want to be a parent, you will be a parent. The road might not be what you envisioned or wanted for yourself, but you will get there." I hope you get your kiddo!

[Anonymous]

I’m a pretty low stress person. The first round was fine (annoying but easy to deal with). Then it didn’t work - not just that a transfer failed bc unless you test, you should expect that as a significant possibility. I got no blasts, so total failure. The worst part then became that failure and everything after until I got pregnant and it stuck using DE. But my chances were not that great to start.

Even though failing sucked so much, quitting seemed worse.

[Anonymous]

That it may not work after multiple egg retrievals, or multiple embryo transfers. Getting the negative results each time during IVF was so much harder than during the IUI or general TTC process because you just expect it to work since it supposed to be so much easier and better, you're paying so much more, and your emotions are so much more out of whack because of the drugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The worst part is that it doesnt always work and you may need to do it again and again. The emotional and financial commitment can't be measured as you never know what it will take. That unknown is so draining on me.

Plus 1

[Anonymous]

IUI's is not very expensive or invasive. IVF is a very different experience. To answer your question:

Money. You're bleeding money, potentially for years (depending how long you decide to pursue). And if it doesn't pan out, but you still want a child, then you're going to part with even more money, either pursuing donor eggs or adoption.

Also: your marriage. Even with a supportive spouse, things can get strained. For us it was a pregnancy loss. I can manage my own grief and emotions, but not someone else's when they come undone.

Also: massive amounts of time spent in doctor's offices and weight gain from hormones.

But in the end, I hope it's all worth it. Expecting now, after 6 years of primary infertility shit show.

[Anonymous]

It can take a lot longer than anticipated. When I started IVF two years ago, I was giddy, hopeful and excited. To date, I haven’t had a successful pregnancy but instead experienced three miscarriages and many failed transfers. Over the years, watching family and friends get pregnant naturally and carry to term with no issues does something to your heart.

I’m currently gearing up for another transfer, and it definitely doesn’t feel as magical as the first couple of times. I’m trying my hardest to stay positive. I used to be so blissfully positive, but now I find myself having to reel it in. Balancing hope with realism is such a mind game and the hardest part for me.

[Anonymous]

The failure. Only 40% have success.

[Anonymous]

My short answer: The process is an emotional roller coaster, with fear and anxiety at every turn and no guarantees at the end. It is one of the most difficult things I have ever done (and I did it multiple times). But if it works out, it is well worth it.

And frankly, if it doesn't work out, you never have to question whether you should have tried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The worst part is that it doesn't always work and you may need to do it again and again. The emotional and financial commitment can't be measured as you never know what it will take. That unknown is so draining on me.

Plus 1

+1 million

And even when you do several cycles it still may not work.

[Anonymous]

I had 4 failed IUIs with no clear reason why. At age 41 I had 3 PGS normal embryos from one retrieval of 16 mature eggs and was successful with my first FET. I was incredibly, inexplicably lucky and I am thankful every day. The women on this board are amazing warriors and have wonderful advice.

For me, since I had a straightforward experience, I can kind of report on the process itself rather than the emotional and physical toll from multiple rounds.

Worst - Money. As a fed I have no coverage. It's ridiculous that a procedure as old as me (the first "test tube baby" was born the same year as me) is not covered by most insurance. It was a gut punch. I "got over" it by rationalizing it that for the plan I paid for, it was about the cost of a year of day care. We can pay for day care, we can pay for one extra year, right? Gulp. Unfair, sucks, etc., and I'm pissed/have survivors guilt that there are many women without means can't try this option.

Worst by far - 8 weeks of nightly progesterone shots. I had zero problems with the stim shots which were all subcutaneous. But I struggled with the intramuscular. And I'm not afraid of needles or anything. It just hurt. Not every shot, but enough that I was afraid every night. The last shot was one of the best nights of my life. I'm proud of getting through it and I'd do it 100x again to get my little one, but it still just sucked.

Distant second - I had mild OHSS after retrieval. I really had no problems with retrieval, yeah I felt weird and bloated but whatever, it was temporary. Retrieval was totally fine, almost a disappointment because it was such a routine easy thing for me. But in the days after my OHSS was bad enough that I had trouble taking deep breaths. And I was sooo uncomfortable. But seriously it was like 5 days and I could still go to work, it was not that big of a deal especially once they scanned me and I knew for sure that I had no serious problems, just needed time for everything to calm down.

[Anonymous]

Everything everyone else said and I’ll add the needles and constant bloodwork. For my 3 ivfs(still no success), I had to get bloodwork every day the last week and I was just tired of it. Also, this is weird, but I truly started to feel violated from vaginal ultrasounds every day. I hope I didn’t offend anyone, but I’m just being honest and everyone’s covered the other emotional aspects.