DD keeps buying treats for friends and Starbucks for friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

how old is she? why does she have so much money?

This is what I’m wondering too! It’s bad parenting to raise a kid who has no sense of money and budgeting. Maybe you also buy her too much stuff? You need to adjust her allowance so starts feeling the need to make reasonable choices . Things like I can either buy Starbucks everyday or buy some make up this weekend... If you give her unlimited funds, she never has to make choices.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she’s just kind and generous.

[Anonymous]

My 12 year old is like this, but I don't let her buy things for her friends, unless its a birthday. But if she does a craft (she likes to sew pillows with monograms), she'll make 5 pillows for her friends. Or if she makes a bracelet, she'll make 5. She uses what she has, we are generous with crafting materials because I love that she entertains herself making things instead of the phone for hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible that her allowance is too high or that you are giving her too much money? Your daughter sounds lovely and generous, but maybe she doesn't really understand the value if she has so much that she can cover her own wants/needs plus extra for her friends.

This.

[Anonymous]

Stop giving her so much money. She is too young for a job unless she babysits or pet sits. So stop giving her the money. Problem solved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible that her allowance is too high or that you are giving her too much money? Your daughter sounds lovely and generous, but maybe she doesn't really understand the value if she has so much that she can cover her own wants/needs plus extra for her friends.

This.

+1 I would reduce the amount you are giving her or require her to make a budget, put some of her money into savings, and cap the amount she is allowed to spend on friends. I think baking or making gifts is fine. As an adult I have a friend like this and it's actually really difficult. She'll pay one time, but if I try to pay the next time she'll make a total fuss about it. I want to be fair and I don't want to have to haggle endlessly to pay my share and I know she sometimes feels taken advantage of-don't let your kid grow up to have this issue!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, start parenting! That is so pathetic, you are allowing her to be set up for a lifetime of hurt. Cut off her access to money. These girls are not her friends!

IA with this. It's harsh, yes, but she needs to learn ASAP. The 'friends' have probably already started to wise up to her generosity and will only start using her more. My older sister was like this; she couldn't say no to anyone when she was younger, even if it was someone who had hurt her/teased her/wronged her in the past. If they needed help or asked for something that she could provide, she would. The fact that people were just using her finally sunk in when she was a senior in HS. Some girls asked her for a ride to the party and she was so excited to go because it was a big deal type of party. I remember helping her get ready and being SO jealous because I was only a Sophomore and didn't get an invite or have any friends who were invited. Turns out, they literally just needed a ride there. When she parked to get out, they asked what she was doing and then laughed that she thought she got to attend. She said they told her "we asked you for a ride, not to go with us. You should learn to listen better." She was crushed but it was the c*nt punt that she needed to stop being so nice to everyone and getting used.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, start parenting! That is so pathetic, you are allowing her to be set up for a lifetime of hurt. Cut off her access to money. These girls are not her friends!

IA with this. It's harsh, yes, but she needs to learn ASAP. The 'friends' have probably already started to wise up to her generosity and will only start using her more. My older sister was like this; she couldn't say no to anyone when she was younger, even if it was someone who had hurt her/teased her/wronged her in the past. If they needed help or asked for something that she could provide, she would. The fact that people were just using her finally sunk in when she was a senior in HS. Some girls asked her for a ride to the party and she was so excited to go because it was a big deal type of party. I remember helping her get ready and being SO jealous because I was only a Sophomore and didn't get an invite or have any friends who were invited. Turns out, they literally just needed a ride there. When she parked to get out, they asked what she was doing and then laughed that she thought she got to attend. She said they told her "we asked you for a ride, not to go with us. You should learn to listen better." She was crushed but it was the c*nt punt that she needed to stop being so nice to everyone and getting used.

I disagree-they are just kids and likely don’t have the tact to handle the unusual generosity op’s daughter is showing/like smoothies. It’s op’s daughter who needs reigning in, not her hapless friends who are just agreeing to her relentless overtures.

[Anonymous]

Do you think she's trying to buy friendship or she thinks people won't be her friends unless she buys them stuff or she can't say no? Or is she just naturally generous? Because my answer will be different depending on her motivation. The latter is solved by giving her a smaller allowance, and then if she spends it all on others, she'll run out. The former is a bigger problem.

[Anonymous]

Where is op?!

[Anonymous]

Don't make your kid share a smoothie with a friend.

Everyone gets their own drinks.

[Anonymous]

oh

[Anonymous]

At that age, my DS did this. He would get a $25 gift card to Starbucks from Grandma and then treat a couple friends. I would give him $20 bill when he would go get lunch with his friends and he would spend the whole thing - no change - turns out he was buying for whoever didn't have money. Took about 6 months of my harping on him for this to end. I don't think it was him not being responsible, but more of him being generous (even if it was generous with my money). That is just his personality. Venmo now usually fixes paying the someone doesn't have money issue, but he still is generous and will pay for his friends at Starbucks. His money now not mine. I love that he has a kind heart.

[Anonymous]

^^ and I don't think he is trying to buy friends. His friends are generous to him in other way too. Occasionally though I do think he is getting used by a girl but that is a lesson that he is learning.

[Anonymous]

My childhood best friend (still best friend) was/is like this from a young age. She'd give you the sweater she was wearing if you said it was cute. She couldn't help it - just pure generosity (plus reasonably well-off). I have always tried not to take advantage of it, but I also accept that it does make her happy to give gifts. The main thing is to make sure she is not being taken advantage of, and that she is not going beyond your/her means. But this is ultimately a lovely problem to have - a child with a kind, generous spirit.