DD keeps buying treats for friends and Starbucks for friends.

[Anonymous]

I love this generous side of her but at the same time it feels like in excess. She is always buying food for kids on the bus (Only 10 kids)- making cupcakes, brownies, bringing candy. I can see once but all the time? She wants to get gifts for “friends” - small things but from my standpoint, they are not real friends and that she shouldnt buy a gift for every kid (little exgeration here). Whenever she has a friend over she wants to buy them a special treat, she’ll give them something of hers- makeup, toy item or buy them Starbucks. This weekend we had a friend stay over, she bought the girl lunch and Starbucks. I told her I would buy lunch but the girls would have to pay for their own Starbucks. DD said she and her friend could “cover it “ but it ends up DD is always paying.

Next, we go to the mall to meet a friend. The girl’s mother is at the mall too but my daughter buys the friend and herself a Hagendaaz smoothie ($) and makeup item. I told her next time to share one since they are $$. I advised DD that we are not hosting this time and that the girl should know to bring her own money to the mall or ask her mother for spending $. I told DS not to be desperate for friends . That she doesn’t have to buy friendship. She doesn’t get it. She’s done things like this before and I give her the pep talk, “ Be secure with yourself, etc.”. What else can I say, am I being ridiculous?

[Anonymous]

Have you asked her why she does this?

[Anonymous]

Is it possible that her allowance is too high or that you are giving her too much money? Your daughter sounds lovely and generous, but maybe she doesn't really understand the value if she has so much that she can cover her own wants/needs plus extra for her friends.

[Anonymous]

How old is the daughter and how much allowance is she given ? I remember working as a kid and feeling like I didn't really need the money for anything, it was just extra money. I'm sure I wasted a lot of it.

[Anonymous]

Maybe gifts are her love language! But I agree that you need to help her set limits on what she is spending. Baking brownies for the bus is fine, buying things for people should be limited to special occasions.

[Anonymous]

Does she have special needs? Buying friends is going to result in people just using her but dumping her when they don't need what she has to give. Spell that out for her.

[Anonymous]

Where is your DD getting all of this money? If she has that much extra cash to be spending it on her friends, she should be saving more of it, even if she doesn't "need" to for college or the future. Never too early to learn how to manage money - and buying unnecessary things like this add up and can become a problem. Limit her to buying things for friends on their birthdays or very special occasions.

[Anonymous]

I hope this is just your daughter being kind and not overly concerned with money, but if my kids did this, I would worry about their mental heath re: wanting to buy others' regard. It seems excessive. Perhaps you could have a conversation about it and probe why exactly she feels this compulsion.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter has access to way too much money.

[Anonymous]

Discuss being a good friend in other terms besides buying (i.e: compliments, helping, etc.)

[Anonymous]

Op, start parenting! That is so pathetic, you are allowing her to be set up for a lifetime of hurt. Cut off her access to money. These girls are not her friends!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, start parenting! That is so pathetic, you are allowing her to be set up for a lifetime of hurt. Cut off her access to money. These girls are not her friends!

+1

Sounds harsh, and I'd drop the "so pathetic comment" but THESE GIRLS ARE NOT HER FRIENDS.

And your daughter has access to far too much cash.

[Anonymous]

how old is she? why does she have so much money?

[Anonymous]

Where is she getting all the money? Is it from her allowance? If it is, then it's her money to spend however she wants. If, however, she's just asking you for $20 here or there, then it's up to you to change not only her, but also your spending habits. Give her a limited allowance, don't supplement. Then see how long this spending lasts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where is she getting all the money? Is it from her allowance? If it is, then it's her money to spend however she wants. If, however, she's just asking you for $20 here or there, then it's up to you to change not only her, but also your spending habits. Give her a limited allowance, don't supplement. Then see how long this spending lasts.

I sort of disagree with this. I think it's reasonable to impose age-appropriate limits on what kids can spend their allowance money on and to allow the child to make their own choice within those limits.