Is There a Stigma Attached to Receiving Financial Aid?--sorry, noticed typo in earlier posting

[Anonymous]

So what makes you think that your DC was rejected because of the financial aid application? Did someone say that to you or are you just making an educated guess?

[Anonymous]

Wow, of course it matters. It has been said over and over again, that in these schools to be able to fit in socially, you need to be at least middle income. Middle income in these schools is between $300K and $500 per year.
Other kids feel out.
It made me decide against private school. Why pay so much for someone to make my child feel bad

[Anonymous]

That is ridculous pp. You don't even have a kid in the privates and there you are generalizing. I think a lot of people writing on this private school forum don't even have kids in the privates and are trying to justify sending their kids to publics. You don't need to justify -- it's your choice. But, don't give false info on privates which you know nothing about.

My daughter went to a top private and is now at an Ivy. We didn't make $300k -$500K or millions (like some of the families) for that matter. Money doesn't make as much of a difference as some parents think. It still goes by popularity, smarts, athletics, etc. -- the kids decide the social scale -- not the parents. Some parents may try to buy popularity for their kid-- but that often backfires.

[Anonymous]

Speaking not as a parent, but as a middle-class graduate of a private school. Likely, those around you won't know if you are receiving aid, but as other PPs have said the differences in lifestyle will probably be obvious. Maybe less so in preK, but in my experience you know based on the cars that parents and students drive, their homes/addresses, where/how they socialize. At spring break do you take the kids to the grandparents' in Pittsburgh while the other families go skiing in Aspen?

Not a bad thing, if you don't let it bother you. But, if those socio-economic differences will affect you, then I do think you should reconsider whether you will be comfortable there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That is ridculous pp. You don't even have a kid in the privates and there you are generalizing. I think a lot of people writing on this private school forum don't even have kids in the privates and are trying to justify sending their kids to publics. You don't need to justify -- it's your choice. But, don't give false info on privates which you know nothing about.

My daughter went to a top private and is now at an Ivy. We didn't make $300k -$500K or millions (like some of the families) for that matter. Money doesn't make as much of a difference as some parents think. It still goes by popularity, smarts, athletics, etc. -- the kids decide the social scale -- not the parents. Some parents may try to buy popularity for their kid-- but that often backfires.

The kids do decide the social scale. They elect class officers not the development office. GDS had something on it's website about finance being reviewed as part of an applicant. Don't remember exactly what. FYI. You can't assume aid based on the size of a home or location . I like need blind admissions. We give what we can not predicated on the gap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:15:16: "... teeny house in a poorer neighborhood..." So condescending. Reminds me of that commercial long ago in the mid- to late-'70s. A grandfather and his grandson are fishing on a lake and the grandpa asks who his grandson's friends are in school. The boy replies something along the lines of, "Well Jack is my friend, and Josh is my Jewish friend." And Grandpa duly points out that making those types of racial distinctions isn't right, nice, or polite.

Agree that it was shockingly condescending - I'm surprised that more people haven't taken offense. 15:16s comment was a good insight for OP on how people of lower means will be viewed by some. Not as peers but as some kind of "experience" for the rich people to be exposed to in a controlled environment so that they can feel like they are mixing with the masses.

I do think the cultures vary by school. I have one child in a less than big 3 school and we have no idea who is or isn't on finanical aid. The parent population is not excessively wealthy so you don't get big disparities between what people do on vacations, etc. Other child is at a wealthier school and it is more stark. Still have no idea who is or isn't on finanical aid but there are more outward displays of wealth.

[Anonymous]

I agree...the comment was condescending. It's almost like the poster thought it was "cool" that her child was "slumming" for a bit with the people from the wrong side of the tracks. Kind of like a social experiment or something...

[Anonymous]

Hey- defending "little house, poorer neighborhood" poster. As a private school family in a little house in a poorer neighborhood, I appreciated hearing that. It has been a worry for me. I don't really care if PP is looking at it as a cultural experience for her daughter or not (though it sounded to me like she was kind and I wouldn't mind having her over for coffee to my tiny house)-- I have been very worried that friends wouldn't be allowed over, and this gives me comfort, so thanks!

[Anonymous]

I think the condescension goes both ways. It is hard not to have certain opinions regarding how the uber wealthy families spend some of their money, even though it is absolutely nobody's business and totally okay for them to spend anyway they like. Nonetheless, I can assure you that people observe and judge.

It is important for everyone to feel comfortable with themselves and their choices and try not to pass along their every opinion to their children about their views regarding others' situations and choices. Easier said than done, sometimes. I do agree that families should carefully consider what environment they choose for their kids ... just because parents feel confident and comfortable with big differences in lifestyle does not mean their children will.

[Anonymous]

That's a good point. Does anyone have any experience with their kids feeling left out or excluded, because they have less money--intentionally or unintentionally?

I have a friend whose son got into one of the Big 3. However, he said they declined because they did not have the money to keep up with the social aspect of the school--overseas trips, wealthy neighborhood, country clubs, etc. He seemed to think that in the long run, his DC would end up feeling bad about himself or like a second class citizen. So they opted for public school, so that everyone is pretty much from the same neighborhood and has a similar level of income. "Less social pressure" is how he put it.

[Anonymous]

I remember how the wealthy kids at my school sticked together, never spoke to someone outside of their wealth, and when possible, made others feel bad about not having money.

They made me feel so bad. I just could not hide that my family had no money.

[Anonymous]

That's awful! Maybe the trick is to talk with your DC about it up front and say, "Look, we may not be rich but I want you to have the best educational experience possible. So while you may have friends who have great vacations and fabulous houses at private school, we won't be able to afford it. But you will have some great teachers and great friendships that you will be able to treasure for the rest of your life."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That's awful! Maybe the trick is to talk with your DC about it up front and say, "Look, we may not be rich but I want you to have the best educational experience possible. So while you may have friends who have great vacations and fabulous houses at private school, we won't be able to afford it. But you will have some great teachers and great friendships that you will be able to treasure for the rest of your life."

This approach seems to work for my DC. A social life away from school is very important!

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP. The education at the elite schools is awesome. If the child has a life away from school -- they'll be better able to put things in perspective. We're upper middle class, but when my daughter got to Holton -- we felt really poor. It didn't matter because everyone had different issues of their own to deal with. And, the kids really don't care as much as the parents seem to.

[Anonymous]

I agree. My DC and the rest of our family would be happy to get into one of the top schools. So what if we're not rich? I don't see that as a legitimate reason to deny my child a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity--assuming we receive financial aid. If people have more money than we do, so be it. I'd just put my ego in check and suck it up for the sake of my child--it's called parental sacrifice.