Would you be comfortable with your boyfriend paying for things like hair and nails?

[Anonymous]

No way.

[Anonymous]

Op here. I'm very well groomed and get my hair and nails done all the time. I randomly mentioned going this weekend and he offered to pay said he would pay in the future if I wanted. He already pays for all our dates. I don't think he means anything by it. He's not controlling. He's very nice, but very different from other men I've dated. I'm thinking this is likely a cultural thing for him, but still I want to keep some of my feminism, but don't want to hurt his feelings either.

[Anonymous]

There is nothing anti-feminist about having or letting a man pay for things for you. What’s anti-feminist is women dictating how other women are supposed to live their lives.

[Anonymous]

I know some women whose boyfriends for these services. There is a big delta in income between them and I don't think it is inherently wrong.

There is a subtle message to it though-- "you're looking good for me. Not someone else."

I'm prone to controlling men, and I would likely say yes to this arrangement. Take that exactly how it's meant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I'm very well groomed and get my hair and nails done all the time. I randomly mentioned going this weekend and he offered to pay said he would pay in the future if I wanted. He already pays for all our dates. I don't think he means anything by it. He's not controlling. He's very nice, but very different from other men I've dated. I'm thinking this is likely a cultural thing for him, but still I want to keep some of my feminism, but don't want to hurt his feelings either.

It sounds like you want to accept. If you want a guy that will pay for dates and hair and nails that’s fine as long as you find the guy that wants the same with the woman he dates.

[Anonymous]

I think some Eastern European or middle eastern men are like that.
I would love it, I like when men pick up the tab.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I'm very well groomed and get my hair and nails done all the time. I randomly mentioned going this weekend and he offered to pay said he would pay in the future if I wanted. He already pays for all our dates. I don't think he means anything by it. He's not controlling. He's very nice, but very different from other men I've dated. I'm thinking this is likely a cultural thing for him, but still I want to keep some of my feminism, but don't want to hurt his feelings either.

Is there a significant financial difference between the two of you, like this is something that he can afford easily even though you need to budget carefully for it? If he was paying for something different, that was also a regular expense, like your electric bill or gas for your car, would it feel the same?

I don't think this would bother me that much, since he's not implying you need to change.

[Anonymous]

My husband is Indian and he used to offer to buy me clothes and pay for salon appointments when we were dating. It felt so wrong to me so I always declined. We had a HUGE difference in salaries. I was a teacher and he still is an IT manager. I say go for it if you have a big salary difference? I dated my husband 1 year before marriage. We planned our wedding at 9 months. Things can move fast so be prepared.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he is your sugar daddy if he pays for everything. If he is, own it

I have no respect at all for women or men who let their boyfriend or girlfriend pay for everything. Most people don't see a women paying for everything for her boyfriend as cute and romantic. i am not the anti-feminist poster, but playing the i am a woman, I need a man to take care of me and provide for me doesn't make women look good. For men we call this mooching or pathetic. I see it the same for women

[Anonymous]

I'd never date a man who expected that level of grooming, but, my boyfriends did always pay for dates, trips, etc. and would buy me special treats. I never felt like a "kept" woman.

[Anonymous]

As a male, and assuming we are in a committed monogamous relationship, you are getting spoiled.
If you aren’t comfortable with that, the relationship isn’t going to work.

[Anonymous]

DH did this as a gift now and then while dating. Usually, he wanted to play golf on a Sunday morning (I was a grad student and Sunday morning was our standing date each week). He’d schedule me for a manicure and massage and send me on my way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a male, and assuming we are in a committed monogamous relationship, you are getting spoiled.
If you aren’t comfortable with that, the relationship isn’t going to work.

+1

[Anonymous]

Op here. There's not a significant salary difference. He is Persian though so I think this just a cultural thing.