If there was never a "spark," can a successful, long-term relationship still be possible?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No. Look at all the sad sacks around here who settled.

I didn’t have a spark with my ex husband but he was a great guy. Good on paper. Great job, funny, everyone liked him, handy, kind.

After like 4 years of marriage I would lay awake, not wanting to have sex with him, thinking, “50 more years of this?” I wasn’t repulsed by him, but spark and attraction are a key ingredient of a romantic relationship and marriage. I mean, otherwise we would just marry our best friends.

We divorced. I remarried a guy I had a genuine spark with. He’s not perfect but I honestly do feel lucky every day to have him. The feeling should never go away. You can find it but you can’t settle. Don’t listen to everyone saying it dies out anyway; that’s not necessarily true. It’s only true if you settled.

It’s also true if you never worked on the relationship. It’s not just that you ‘settled’. You can marry Miss or Mr ‘Spark’ but if you don’t work at your relationship and nurture it that is just as likely to go belly up as any other relationship.

Do not take each other for granted.

Lots of immature people out tonight.

[Anonymous]

Btdt, break up with her or get married and get divorced later on.

[Anonymous]

OP, most guys I know wait for the girls to dump them. And that can take a while because at the understandable lack of communication about this.

I applaud you for thinking about this so clearly and at least sounding so action oriented about it. I think you should end it ASAP if you feel that blasé about it. Some people can move forward with the feelings you’re talking about, but that is it mean it’s right for everyone else.

[Anonymous]

^ doesn’t mean

[Anonymous]

I’m a recently divorced woman, and I was married for 15 years/together for 20 years total with a man who I think married me more for the idea of me than for my actual true self. At one point in the final days of our marriage, when he was begging me not to end it, I asked him, “do you want me?” And he couldn’t answer this question with a simple yes. He had a whole list of things he wanted to change about me.

Do her a favor. Let her go. Let her find someone that wants the true her. All of her. and feels the spark with her. You will both be thankful in 20 years.

[Anonymous]

She is not the one. Please move on. Save yourself pain that will happen later on.