Op, I have an AP since last June, we see each other maybe for a few days every month, like you we live at different locations and meet during work meetings. I constantly think how I would feel if I stopped it. I can't stop it. My husband is a good dad but he is not good in bed and he is very rigid. The AP is so different. If AP would say, he is moving here I would divorce right away. But he is divorced with a terrible experience and I am not sure at this point whether he is in for a committed relationship. Anyways, I feel just lucky that I found a way to my intermittent happiness. Spending the rest of my life with dh, I know that we will end it at some point but now the kids are small and it would be very difficult on everyone to break up the whole setup.
So, why not re-initiate your AP? |
Divorce |
Therapy to learn how to be happy in your marriage or divorce. |
I had the same experience. After an 8 month affair we broke it off. That next year was the hardest of my life. And we slowley worked our way back together again after he reached out to me. And then I to him.
You and I both need therapy. |
Also- kudos for doing the right thing and breaking it off, as hard as it was and still is. Ignore the judgy PPs- you're human like the rest of us. |
You should divorce, as your husband and children deserve better. You have been directing your time and energy away from them for too long now. Just don’t be upset when your husband finds someone else and your kids have another mother figure in their lives. It was your choice to cheat and break down your family. |
I sincerely hope your DH and kids find out. What a horrible selfish outlook |
This. How would you feel if your kids were around a different mom half the time? Or when your kids hate you for blowing up their home life. Get your head out of your ass and get help |
|
You saw each other 5 times in 8 weeks. How the heck did you get so attached that it was "the happiest" you've ever been?
Get a grip and focus on your family. |
You need to find something that makes you happy, and do it. Not an affair. Find a new hobby, a passion, something to be excited about. If you're making the choice to stay in your marriage, than it's on you to make your own happiness. |
OP, is this someone you would have actually dated if you were both single? It’s harder to get over if you genuinely liked or loved the person. If he’s not then consider it a short-lived fantasy. Can you be friends? Can you have him in your life that way? I know some people have affairs with people they only connect with on a superficial lust level.
Still, it doesn’t sound like you spent enough time with this guy to really figure out your true feelings. |
Whatever you feel for your AP will go away over time. He is not into you and you were a convenient hookup. As soon as you make your peace with that fact and realize that the high you were feeling was your own fantasy of this man, you will start disengaging.
Would you ever want your kids and husband feel humiliated by your actions? No. This is what will get you through this. |
You will never just "forget" that it happened and move on with your life. That's not how memory works. It will only fade into the background when you are more engaged in your present life than your past life. You say that your marriage sucks and that counseling hasn't worked. What are the issues? What recommendations did a counselor have? What is good about your life now? Where are you getting fulfillment and satisfaction? |
Your marriage sucks and counseling hasn't work because you are still pining for a guy you saw 5 times.
|