I want a divorce but scared

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first few years with a child are difficult. You’re just surviving, and relationships suffer. I wouldn’t make any rash decisions now. Get screened for PPD, get some time away from the baby, and take care of yourself. Go see a therapist to help get at the root of what’s bothering you in the relationship.

I think we all want to drop our spouses off the roof when the children are small.

+1

No I absolutely did not want to drop my spouse off the roof when my children were small.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why in the hell did you have a baby with a man you want to divorce so soon after giving birth? This means that clearly your husband and your marriage were not solid enough that you should’ve decided to conceive, but you did it anyway and now your child will suffer the consequences. I don’t know why so many people needlessly complicate their lives (and the lives of their children) because of stupid ass, selfish, short-sighted decisions. It’s not like you didn’t know. You need to seriously think through life as a single mom and understand it will be more difficult than you can imagine, and perhaps consider dedicating yourself to therapy and saving your marriage.

Seriously? Sometimes we make the wrong decision. It can be a big or little thing, but EVERYONE makes mistakes.

She cannot change it, so asking “well why did you have a baby” is doing nothing but making sure she knows she “shouldn’t have had the baby.”

You know, maybe the pregnancy was not planned, you have no idea.

[Anonymous]

Burt how will you live without his money?

[Anonymous]

I keep waiting for the DCUM working mom who says her husband takes care of half the child care and housework. I don't think she exists.
Women need to get real and demand respect for these responsibilities instead of acting as if they are going to be split 50/50. Not happening in any marriage I know about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I no longer love my husband. He sucks with the baby. He sucks with taking care of the house. I regret ever marrying him. I am happy when it's just me and my DD. But when he's home, I'm always in a grumpy mood. I hate that I'm scared to divorce him because I dont know what will happen to my dd if we split. I feel like I'm stuck and miserable.

It's your job to take care of the baby. And the house.

His job is to provide an income for the family. Since you don't mention that he's failing to do his part, put on your big girl panties and do yours.

We both work full time and bring in the same income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would wait at least a year to make any decisions, or maybe until your DD is 3 years old.

I personally doubted getting married, did it anyway, and it has proven to be the biggest mistake of my life. I did not want to get pregnant and I let myself be pressured into one-time unprotected sex with my DH when I did not want to and got pregnant. I was already planning to divorce...but I got stuck because I was in a different state and did not want to get stuck there.

I felt exactly the way you do now before the baby and after the baby. Fast forward--I have now been stuck in the marriage for almost a decade. My feelings have not changed, and it has only gotten work. If I had been in DC with a baby, I probably would have left him before the pregnancy and certainly before the kid was 3 years old, but I was not here.

If you still feel like this in a year, I strongly suggest you consider getting out. Seek counseling before making any decisions.

You may find as your child gets older, things get better, but that did not happen in my case. What I felt did not go away. Do not waste as many years as I have.

Nonsense. Your husband didn't rape you. And, if that's your story, and you didn't want the resulting pregnancy, you could have gotten an abortion (every woman's right).

Grow up and take responsibility for your own choices and your own actions. Most likely you don't mind being supported and not having to work for a living.

I am the previous poster. You have no idea what you were talking about. I did not believe in abortion when you’re married, I’m not gonna lie I did think about it. I am not being supported I only took six weeks of maternity leave and I make six figures.
My husband expected that his future wife makes six figures that’s why didn’t wanna have a baby with him. I had 103 temperature of the day my kid was conceived and he knew full well that I didn’t want to get pregnant. I was literally two second exhausted too fight him off. We agreed on no children to be for the marriage due to his ridiculous salary requirement and he pulled a bait and switch on me. I am not being “supported”; Furthermore the five years that we had a nanny came directly from my salary and that was $40,000 a year times six years. Marriage is been the biggest financial mistake that I have ever made. Make assumptions about other peoples lives and you really have no idea what you’re talking about.
A
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[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would wait at least a year to make any decisions, or maybe until your DD is 3 years old.

I personally doubted getting married, did it anyway, and it has proven to be the biggest mistake of my life. I did not want to get pregnant and I let myself be pressured into one-time unprotected sex with my DH when I did not want to and got pregnant. I was already planning to divorce...but I got stuck because I was in a different state and did not want to get stuck there.

I felt exactly the way you do now before the baby and after the baby. Fast forward--I have now been stuck in the marriage for almost a decade. My feelings have not changed, and it has only gotten work. If I had been in DC with a baby, I probably would have left him before the pregnancy and certainly before the kid was 3 years old, but I was not here.

If you still feel like this in a year, I strongly suggest you consider getting out. Seek counseling before making any decisions.

You may find as your child gets older, things get better, but that did not happen in my case. What I felt did not go away. Do not waste as many years as I have.

Nonsense. Your husband didn't rape you. And, if that's your story, and you didn't want the resulting pregnancy, you could have gotten an abortion (every woman's right).

Grow up and take responsibility for your own choices and your own actions. Most likely you don't mind being supported and not having to work for a living.

I am the previous poster. You have no idea what you were talking about. I did not believe in abortion when you’re married, I’m not gonna lie I did think about it. I am not being supported I only took six weeks of maternity leave and I make six figures.
My husband expected that his future wife makes six figures that’s why didn’t wanna have a baby with him. I had 103 temperature of the day my kid was conceived and he knew full well that I didn’t want to get pregnant. I was literally two second exhausted too fight him off. We agreed on no children to be for the marriage due to his ridiculous salary requirement and he pulled a bait and switch on me. I am not being “supported”; Furthermore the five years that we had a nanny came directly from my salary and that was $40,000 a year times six years. Marriage is been the biggest financial mistake that I have ever made. Make assumptions about other peoples lives and you really have no idea what you’re talking about.
A
.

Grow up and take responsibility for your actions. If you didn’t want to have sex then it was rape. If you didn’t want the child you could have gotten an abortion. If you do not want to be married to this man, get a divorce. You have choices and you do not get bonus points in life for enduring misery.

- NP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would wait at least a year to make any decisions, or maybe until your DD is 3 years old.

I personally doubted getting married, did it anyway, and it has proven to be the biggest mistake of my life. I did not want to get pregnant and I let myself be pressured into one-time unprotected sex with my DH when I did not want to and got pregnant. I was already planning to divorce...but I got stuck because I was in a different state and did not want to get stuck there.

I felt exactly the way you do now before the baby and after the baby. Fast forward--I have now been stuck in the marriage for almost a decade. My feelings have not changed, and it has only gotten work. If I had been in DC with a baby, I probably would have left him before the pregnancy and certainly before the kid was 3 years old, but I was not here.

If you still feel like this in a year, I strongly suggest you consider getting out. Seek counseling before making any decisions.

You may find as your child gets older, things get better, but that did not happen in my case. What I felt did not go away. Do not waste as many years as I have.

Nonsense. Your husband didn't rape you. And, if that's your story, and you didn't want the resulting pregnancy, you could have gotten an abortion (every woman's right).

Grow up and take responsibility for your own choices and your own actions. Most likely you don't mind being supported and not having to work for a living.

I am the previous poster. You have no idea what you were talking about. I did not believe in abortion when you’re married, I’m not gonna lie I did think about it. I am not being supported I only took six weeks of maternity leave and I make six figures.
My husband expected that his future wife makes six figures that’s why didn’t wanna have a baby with him. I had 103 temperature of the day my kid was conceived and he knew full well that I didn’t want to get pregnant. I was literally two second exhausted too fight him off. We agreed on no children to be for the marriage due to his ridiculous salary requirement and he pulled a bait and switch on me. I am not being “supported”; Furthermore the five years that we had a nanny came directly from my salary and that was $40,000 a year times six years. Marriage is been the biggest financial mistake that I have ever made. Make assumptions about other peoples lives and you really have no idea what you’re talking about.
A
.

Grow up and take responsibility for your actions. If you didn’t want to have sex then it was rape. If you didn’t want the child you could have gotten an abortion. If you do not want to be married to this man, get a divorce. You have choices and you do not get bonus points in life for enduring misery.

- NP

No one is asking for bonus points. My point was to share with the original poster that her feelings may not change and if she doesn’t take action with in the next few years she can end up being in the exact same place. I literally said don’t wait that long. I have been away from this area for nine years it took me nine years to get back here—I could not divorce in another state. I’m planning to divorce now that I’m finally back where I was to begin with. I’m not asking for your advice, so stop giving it. I point to the original poster is that she is here where she wants to live she doesn’t need to wait forever to try to divorce if she still feeling like this in a year or two (My situation I couldn’t risk child custody issues and getting stuck in a place where my crew will be permanently damaged...I was just sharing a cautionary tale there’s no need for you to be talking about what I should or should not do.)