I want a divorce but scared

[Anonymous]

I no longer love my husband. He sucks with the baby. He sucks with taking care of the house. I regret ever marrying him. I am happy when it's just me and my DD. But when he's home, I'm always in a grumpy mood. I hate that I'm scared to divorce him because I dont know what will happen to my dd if we split. I feel like I'm stuck and miserable.

[Anonymous]

How old is your baby?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is your baby?

She is 15 months.

[Anonymous]

Why in the hell did you have a baby with a man you want to divorce so soon after giving birth? This means that clearly your husband and your marriage were not solid enough that you should’ve decided to conceive, but you did it anyway and now your child will suffer the consequences. I don’t know why so many people needlessly complicate their lives (and the lives of their children) because of stupid ass, selfish, short-sighted decisions. It’s not like you didn’t know. You need to seriously think through life as a single mom and understand it will be more difficult than you can imagine, and perhaps consider dedicating yourself to therapy and saving your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Have you told him any of this? Go to marriage counseling.

[Anonymous]

Cut out now. You are young and can find someone wonderful. Do not stay in a bad marriage.

[Anonymous]

The first few years with a child are difficult. You’re just surviving, and relationships suffer. I wouldn’t make any rash decisions now. Get screened for PPD, get some time away from the baby, and take care of yourself. Go see a therapist to help get at the root of what’s bothering you in the relationship.

I think we all want to drop our spouses off the roof when the children are small.

[Anonymous]

Op, seek help - you sound depressed which is completely o with your first. Hugs. It’ll all be ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The first few years with a child are difficult. You’re just surviving, and relationships suffer. I wouldn’t make any rash decisions now. Get screened for PPD, get some time away from the baby, and take care of yourself. Go see a therapist to help get at the root of what’s bothering you in the relationship.

I think we all want to drop our spouses off the roof when the children are small.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first few years with a child are difficult. You’re just surviving, and relationships suffer. I wouldn’t make any rash decisions now. Get screened for PPD, get some time away from the baby, and take care of yourself. Go see a therapist to help get at the root of what’s bothering you in the relationship.

I think we all want to drop our spouses off the roof when the children are small.

+1

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cut out now. You are young and can find someone wonderful. Do not stay in a bad marriage.

TERRIBLE advice!

-1,000

[Anonymous]

For me, the year both my babies were 1 were the hardest on my marriage. Some of that was PPD but also it’s a hard transition for your family. You sound like you’re hyper focused on your baby right now and don’t have emotional energy for your husband. You mention that he sucks at dealing with the baby and sucks with the house. Those are things that can be addressed. He probably needs to become confident in caring for your child. If you are that baby focused, you are probably not letting him find his own way. My recommendation, from experience, is to set a standing activity for yourself whether it be an exercise class on Saturday morning for a couple hours or a standing lunch date with friends. And then leave him with the baby. He needs to learn how to parent. As for the house, either be very specific about what you need in ways that are realistic for your family’s lifestyle or outsource house stuff. I never had a cleaning service until my first daughter was 6 months old and I went back to work. DH and I were arguing often about the house being a wreck, and when it was clean, that came at the expense of spending time together after a long day. Getting cleaners didn’t totally fix the issue but it did help.

[Anonymous]

I would wait at least a year to make any decisions, or maybe until your DD is 3 years old.

I personally doubted getting married, did it anyway, and it has proven to be the biggest mistake of my life. I did not want to get pregnant and I let myself be pressured into one-time unprotected sex with my DH when I did not want to and got pregnant. I was already planning to divorce...but I got stuck because I was in a different state and did not want to get stuck there.

I felt exactly the way you do now before the baby and after the baby. Fast forward--I have now been stuck in the marriage for almost a decade. My feelings have not changed, and it has only gotten work. If I had been in DC with a baby, I probably would have left him before the pregnancy and certainly before the kid was 3 years old, but I was not here.

If you still feel like this in a year, I strongly suggest you consider getting out. Seek counseling before making any decisions.

You may find as your child gets older, things get better, but that did not happen in my case. What I felt did not go away. Do not waste as many years as I have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I no longer love my husband. He sucks with the baby. He sucks with taking care of the house. I regret ever marrying him. I am happy when it's just me and my DD. But when he's home, I'm always in a grumpy mood. I hate that I'm scared to divorce him because I dont know what will happen to my dd if we split. I feel like I'm stuck and miserable.

It's your job to take care of the baby. And the house.

His job is to provide an income for the family. Since you don't mention that he's failing to do his part, put on your big girl panties and do yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would wait at least a year to make any decisions, or maybe until your DD is 3 years old.

I personally doubted getting married, did it anyway, and it has proven to be the biggest mistake of my life. I did not want to get pregnant and I let myself be pressured into one-time unprotected sex with my DH when I did not want to and got pregnant. I was already planning to divorce...but I got stuck because I was in a different state and did not want to get stuck there.

I felt exactly the way you do now before the baby and after the baby. Fast forward--I have now been stuck in the marriage for almost a decade. My feelings have not changed, and it has only gotten work. If I had been in DC with a baby, I probably would have left him before the pregnancy and certainly before the kid was 3 years old, but I was not here.

If you still feel like this in a year, I strongly suggest you consider getting out. Seek counseling before making any decisions.

You may find as your child gets older, things get better, but that did not happen in my case. What I felt did not go away. Do not waste as many years as I have.

Nonsense. Your husband didn't rape you. And, if that's your story, and you didn't want the resulting pregnancy, you could have gotten an abortion (every woman's right).

Grow up and take responsibility for your own choices and your own actions. Most likely you don't mind being supported and not having to work for a living.