If your spouse or SO asked you to stop spending time with a friend would you?

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12/18/2018 11:42

Subject: If your spouse or SO asked you to stop spending time with a friend would you?

quote

Anonymous

Let me see if I have this straight:
1. You met your now-SO the same time you met your friend
2. Your now-SO and your friend knew each other before they met you.
3. Your now-SO and your friend were not getting along at the time they met you.
4. Your now-SO thought you and your friend were dating
5. After a 1+ year of dating, your now-SO has asked you to stop seeing your friend.

As PPs have said, there's not enough information to opine on this. On the surface, I think it odd that you'd want to spend so much time with someone your SO thought you were dating before him/her. Seems to me that, if your SO isn't the jealous type, that your behavior with this friend leads him/her to think there are boundary issues that may be problematic for your relationship with SO.

What was the cause of the 'tension' between this friend and your SO?
How much time are you spending with this friend?
Do you and this friend have any chemistry?

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12/18/2018 11:43

Subject: If your spouse or SO asked you to stop spending time with a friend would you?

quote

Anonymous

Op here. I have other opposite sex friends and she is fine with me seeing them. It’s just the one friend. She doesn’t like her because before we got together she intentionally did things i

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12/18/2018 11:55

Subject: If your spouse or SO asked you to stop spending time with a friend would you?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I have other opposite sex friends and she is fine with me seeing them. It’s just the one friend. She doesn’t like her because before we got together she intentionally did things i

Op again don’t know what happened to other post but GF thinks my friend did things to instigate drama.

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12/18/2018 11:57

Subject: If your spouse or SO asked you to stop spending time with a friend would you?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I have other opposite sex friends and she is fine with me seeing them. It’s just the one friend. She doesn’t like her because before we got together she intentionally did things i

Op again don’t know what happened to other post but GF thinks my friend did things to instigate drama.

She is asking you to stop hanging out with a toxic person?

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12/18/2018 11:59

Subject: If your spouse or SO asked you to stop spending time with a friend would you?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I have other opposite sex friends and she is fine with me seeing them. It’s just the one friend. She doesn’t like her because before we got together she intentionally did things i

Op again don’t know what happened to other post but GF thinks my friend did things to instigate drama.

She is asking you to stop hanging out with a toxic person?

Toxic according to her, no one else has a problem with her.

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12/18/2018 12:56

Subject: If your spouse or SO asked you to stop spending time with a friend would you?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I have other opposite sex friends and she is fine with me seeing them. It’s just the one friend. She doesn’t like her because before we got together she intentionally did things i

Op again don’t know what happened to other post but GF thinks my friend did things to instigate drama.

She is asking you to stop hanging out with a toxic person?

Toxic according to her, no one else has a problem with her.

DP. So, your GF doesn't have problems with your other female friends, just this one? Have you not wondered why your GF has a problem with this 'friend' and not the others? Seems you value the opinion of others more than the opinion of your GF.

If I were your GF, I'd dump your ass. She deserves better than you.

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12/18/2018 13:04

Subject: If your spouse or SO asked you to stop spending time with a friend would you?

quote

Anonymous

Depends on the reason. One of my DH's friends was really rude to me when we started dating, and he basically cut him off. I didn't ask him to, but I really appreciated it. OTOH if it's coming from jealousy or trying to keep the SO from having friends of the opposite sex, that seems like it's going to be a symptom of a bigger problem.

Since you said it's the only such request your SO has ever made, I assume there's a real underlying reason. The way you're framing it makes it seem like you think your SO is crazy and this friend is a good person. I think that's worth unpacking -- do you trust your SO's judgment? Is this friend so important to you that you're willing to tell your SO that her concerns don't matter to you? There's no right answer to these questions but your answers are important.

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12/18/2018 13:22

Subject: Re:If your spouse or SO asked you to stop spending time with a friend would you?

quote

Anonymous

As a PP said, you're framing this as your GF is crazy. If that's the case, you need to end the relationship. If she's not crazy, you still need to end it because you do not sufficiently value her and she deserves better.

Time to move on.

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12/18/2018 13:25

Subject: If your spouse or SO asked you to stop spending time with a friend would you?

quote

Anonymous

You know the situation best, what do you want to do?

For my spouse , I would if it was a rare request. For SO, no.

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12/18/2018 14:33

Subject: If your spouse or SO asked you to stop spending time with a friend would you?

quote

Anonymous

Did your SO specifically tell you to drop this friend, and was it framed as an ultimatum? Or was it more like a suggestion? I would not take kindly to threats/ultimatums/controlling behavior. On the other hand, maybe she's trying to do what's best for the relationship? How invested are you in this SO? And do you trust her judgment? Why couldn't she have made it as a suggestion?