Do immediate siblings ever exchange gifts between “just them” - leaving out spouses/kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are making too big of deal out of this.

I thought that early on but I dunno I'm with OP. I would not want to attend a family gift giving thing where I was very specifically excluded as not the right tier of 'family'.

OP can DH just say, 'sure susie and I will go in on that.' And then when you present it to the parents he can very intentionally say something like, 'Susie and I were so happy we could go in on the group present this year, hope you love it Mom and Dad!'

I agree with another PP that it is weird to have this all so specifically addressed. In my DH's family we do this for his parents sometimes and its just a gift 'from the kids.' A broad term that just encompasses all of us. Since clearly even if the gift is from DH it is also coming from my bank account!

And the fact that a group of siblings with good-christmas-age children is having some 'just for the sibs and parents' gift exchange in FRONT of the children is just bizarre.

[Anonymous]

I think all adult gift exchanging is stupid.

But beyond that, it is super weird that your SIL wants to exchange gifts with her siblings at some family event and the children aren’t included? What, half blood means no gifts from aunts and uncles or grandparents? So weird.

I wouldn’t care about not getting anything myself (see previous statement on adult gift exchanges) but I would find kids sitting around on Christmas getting nothing while adults open gifts odd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are making too big of deal out of this.

I thought that early on but I dunno I'm with OP. I would not want to attend a family gift giving thing where I was very specifically excluded as not the right tier of 'family'.

OP can DH just say, 'sure susie and I will go in on that.' And then when you present it to the parents he can very intentionally say something like, 'Susie and I were so happy we could go in on the group present this year, hope you love it Mom and Dad!'

I agree with another PP that it is weird to have this all so specifically addressed. In my DH's family we do this for his parents sometimes and its just a gift 'from the kids.' A broad term that just encompasses all of us. Since clearly even if the gift is from DH it is also coming from my bank account!

And the fact that a group of siblings with good-christmas-age children is having some 'just for the sibs and parents' gift exchange in FRONT of the children is just bizarre.

Op here - yes. This is what weirds me out so much about the whole thing - the public exchange which makes it hard to not perceive it as an intentional slight. Also, it would be a gift from “us” considering we have a joint bank account too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every year SIL wants to exchange gifts between “just the sibling” and buy a communal gift from “just the siblings”, excluding me and my other SIL and our kids. Every year DH says, without fail, “no, Larla. DW and I will be giving a gift to our parents and from us to you and your family.” There is no suggestion of what DD or I would like, the communication is “if we’re just exchanging gifts between us, our limit is X.”

This year she suggested “just the siblings” pay for a small renovation on my IL’s house (a $600 job split between 3 adults) and DH flat out said no. I don’t understand the meaning of this, because I would still have to buy an additional gift for my IL’s or is she trying to make me look/feel cut out from her family? I don’t know. Do other families exchange gifts between just the immediate family, not including their in-laws?

I’m trying to ignore it, but not going to lie that it hurts a little; mainly because it feels like she doesn’t see DD and I as part of their family. DD is DH’s daughter too. We’ve been married 5 years. This is the fifth year she’s said this.

Oh dear God, you sound like a drama queen. it is so petty I can't even follow what you are saying.

We do not exchange gifts. WE give the kids gifts. The focus is being together, taking a week to slow down, playing cards and board games, creating magic for the kids, and yes, celebrating the birth of Jesus.

[Anonymous]

Cousins can do their own exchange. That way childless siblings do not feel obligated to buy gifts for all of their niece and nephews.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every year SIL wants to exchange gifts between “just the sibling” and buy a communal gift from “just the siblings”, excluding me and my other SIL and our kids. Every year DH says, without fail, “no, Larla. DW and I will be giving a gift to our parents and from us to you and your family.” There is no suggestion of what DD or I would like, the communication is “if we’re just exchanging gifts between us, our limit is X.”

This year she suggested “just the siblings” pay for a small renovation on my IL’s house (a $600 job split between 3 adults) and DH flat out said no. I don’t understand the meaning of this, because I would still have to buy an additional gift for my IL’s or is she trying to make me look/feel cut out from her family? I don’t know. Do other families exchange gifts between just the immediate family, not including their in-laws?

I’m trying to ignore it, but not going to lie that it hurts a little; mainly because it feels like she doesn’t see DD and I as part of their family. DD is DH’s daughter too. We’ve been married 5 years. This is the fifth year she’s said this.

Oh dear God, you sound like a drama queen. it is so petty I can't even follow what you are saying.

We do not exchange gifts. WE give the kids gifts. The focus is being together, taking a week to slow down, playing cards and board games, creating magic for the kids, and yes, celebrating the birth of Jesus.

Hey Gladys, I think OP's point was that SIL is making the gift exchange all about the adults instead of the kids. And being weirdly exclusionary towards other present adults.

Don't think Jesus would be on board with that. - not OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not start an exchange with the inlaws? If it bothered me that much my BIL and I would exchange gifts, and it would be fun gifts.

Me too, mostly booze themed that pair well on the spot. Like "here I got you bourbon" and "oh wow I got you tumblers and whiskey rocks" then both "We'll just drink this now bc this family is insufferable". jk. maybe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not start an exchange with the inlaws? If it bothered me that much my BIL and I would exchange gifts, and it would be fun gifts.

Me too, mostly booze themed that pair well on the spot. Like "here I got you bourbon" and "oh wow I got you tumblers and whiskey rocks" then both "We'll just drink this now bc this family is insufferable". jk. maybe.

Op here.

I love this idea and am going to suggest it to DH.

[Anonymous]

Is anyone else confused?

[Anonymous]

Is she trying to buy a sentimental gift from the kids? Say, you all broke something as a kid and you replaced it. The spouses and grandkids being involved onnthe gift would be useless as they weren't around for the reference. We once recreated a childhood picture for my parents. It was from all their kids.

[Anonymous]

My sister does not have kids. I usually get her a gift and she gets my child one. I don't think its fair not to get get her one, even something little. Same with a childless friend who is very generous.

[Anonymous]

The siblings gifts thing is weird unless other people also get gifts too. Like if my sister and I exchanged gifts, but we also exchanged family gifts too. If we were doing that we’d probably do our individual gifts privately.

What we do is give each person a gift from our family. My family gives my sister, bil, niece and nephew each their own gift, and her family gives me, DH, and each of our kids our own gifts. Sometimes we’ll do a couples gift if there’s something big we want to give, or an experience gift that’s better as a couple gift.

For parents, each adult child's family usually gives a gift. We have combined resources to give a large gift before. When we do that, it comes from each family though, not only the adult children. That doesn’t make any sense to me. If I wanted to chip in for the grandparents gift, is probably do it but ask that my whole family be included on the tag instead of just me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is anyone else confused?

Yes

[Anonymous]

If I had something perfect for a sibling I’d give. Don’t expect anything in return.

[Anonymous]

This si not ok. Once your brother gets marries your wide IS your family. No "you guys are not "reallly" family attitudes. Ans also, yes, I am a proponent of as few gifts as possible, especially amongst adults.