Has anyone here experienced limerance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been in limerance for the past 6 months until now, over a guy I’ve never spoken to. It’s taken over my life as I can’t seem to stop thinking about him. It sounds crazy but I feel like we have a lot in common and are a good match. How do I get out of this fantasy and step back to reality?

And just wanted to know, has anyone formed a relationship with their limerant and did it last?

You say you've never spoken. How are you even acquainted? Honestly the best solution would be to speak to him in person. Then you will find out how boring he is, or that he's a sea-steading libertarian or something. You will ultimately realize that he is not the man of your dreams, just a man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's spelled "limerence." And the phenomenon Dorothy Tennov and others are describing is not infatuation. It is intrusive, painful, disruptive, and can last for years. No one who has experienced it would wish it on their worst enemy.

The best way to get over a garden-variety infatuation is to just get with someone else.

Limerence can happen when there are obstacles preventing you from connecting with someone else and so the uncertainty and frustration of the situation is not resolved.

Ugh, I’ve had this for a certain guy for 6-7 years now. I’m married now, I haven’t even seen him in 4 years, and rationally I know things would never work out with him, but he still takes up way too much space in my mind.

My feelings get stronger when something else in my life is out of whack- if my marriage is rocky, my life has major changes, I’m feeling depressed, etc. So I know it’s not that I actually want *him*, it’s that I want an escape.

I could have written this. Thank you, I feel less broken for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's spelled "limerence." And the phenomenon Dorothy Tennov and others are describing is not infatuation. It is intrusive, painful, disruptive, and can last for years. No one who has experienced it would wish it on their worst enemy.

The best way to get over a garden-variety infatuation is to just get with someone else.

Limerence can happen when there are obstacles preventing you from connecting with someone else and so the uncertainty and frustration of the situation is not resolved.

She says it can also be joyful. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence

[Anonymous]

Wikipedia is not the book. Limerence (as it is defined by Tennov) is usually strongest when there is an obstacle of some sort, making reciprocity unlikely. This is very different than a short-term crush or infatuation. I've experienced it for many years also, like the previous posters. It's upsetting and hard to "manage." That's why some researchers think there is an OCD or anxiety component. I wrote some other threads about divorce and a "crush," but it's really limerence I'm referring to.

[Anonymous]

It's a crush dressed up with a fancy word so people can pretend they've got something dramatic going on.

[Anonymous]

Not this shit again.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a mental illness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's a crush dressed up with a fancy word so people can pretend they've got something dramatic going on.

+1

True! Who doesn't love being in love? I think it is fantastic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wikipedia is not the book. Limerence (as it is defined by Tennov) is usually strongest when there is an obstacle of some sort, making reciprocity unlikely. This is very different than a short-term crush or infatuation. I've experienced it for many years also, like the previous posters. It's upsetting and hard to "manage." That's why some researchers think there is an OCD or anxiety component. I wrote some other threads about divorce and a "crush," but it's really limerence I'm referring to.

Do you not think it is also about avoiding REAL intimacy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's a crush dressed up with a fancy word so people can pretend they've got something dramatic going on.

+1

True! Who doesn't love being in love? I think it is fantastic.

-1

No! It's not being in love! I would have loved to have not gone through it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: I was after meeting a traveling attorney. Wonderful experience, still keep in touch, one experience. He's married and Ludacris wrote a song about him . . .

Burn a little sage and get him out of your mind!

Wait...the only Luda song I know written about a man is Bill O'Reilly

[Anonymous]

Np here. Old thread I know

Ugggh this has hit me for the past 4 weeks. Only two more weeks of being in contact with this guy. But it has hit me like lightning. I’m actually happier than ever otherwise.... so maybe it’s just ‘sparks.’ Trying to bottle it in and just last the two more weeks.

[Anonymous]

That is infatuation. It will pass in a few weeks of no-contact.

If it is 5 years later and you're obsessing about some person you do not see, including obsessing for 80% of your waking hours, you have limerence. And probably need medium-term Lexapro. And a concerted effort to focus on your talents and "purpose in life."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the last post too. Real limerence is very, very painful and disruptive. No one would say they "love" it and it was "amazing." The best thing to do is focus on your personal values and goals. Really focus on what you have to offer others and the world. I also found medication helped with the obsessive part of it. I used something different but many use Lexapro (which is used for anxiety/OCD).

Nice plug for big pharma!

[Anonymous]

Well OCD behaviors are life-destroying, so..... Maybe some people can intensively exercise or use something like Alpha-Stim, but for most people it's going to require an antidepressant. Lexapro is the one most often mentioned in this context.