Does your spouse engage you intellectually?

[Anonymous]

So, having an hour long conversation with someone in your field means that you want to f$ck them? Boy - you’re easy and not nearly as ‘intellectual’ as you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! Excuses OP. You are attracted to another man and you are finding fake issues with your DH. Your taste in art maybe highbrow but you have not married a hiily-billy uneducated trailer trash. You can find areas of interest even if he is not the arty-farty type. He does not have to match your exact intellectual leaning. You just have to not cheat on him in any way. That is the crux of the matter. Your DH does not have to match you in every way. That is not how marriages work.

OP here. I'm not interested in cheating. I'm also not looking for someone to match me in every way. Just someone to have a good conversation with at the end of the day. So I'm curious to know if most other good, happy couples feel that this aspect of your relationship (good, intellectually stimulating conversation) is critical to your relationship, or if you manage to still have a good relationship without that? I don't know if I'm looking for perfection that won't be out there, or if I"m realistically caring about something that is common to all good couples.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! Excuses OP. You are attracted to another man and you are finding fake issues with your DH. Your taste in art maybe highbrow but you have not married a hiily-billy uneducated trailer trash. You can find areas of interest even if he is not the arty-farty type. He does not have to match your exact intellectual leaning. You just have to not cheat on him in any way. That is the crux of the matter. Your DH does not have to match you in every way. That is not how marriages work.

OP here. I'm not interested in cheating. I'm also not looking for someone to match me in every way. Just someone to have a good conversation with at the end of the day. So I'm curious to know if most other good, happy couples feel that this aspect of your relationship (good, intellectually stimulating conversation) is critical to your relationship, or if you manage to still have a good relationship without that? I don't know if I'm looking for perfection that won't be out there, or if I"m realistically caring about something that is common to all good couples.

My DH and I are both well educated with good, interesting careers but at the end of the day the best we can hope for is catching up on the events of the day be it family, work or current events. After we get the kids to bed and chores done we like to chill out with me often working on my hobby, DH reading or we might watch a show together. Frankly, we are too tired for "intellectually stimulating conversation" and if we do have energy I'd rather put it into some stimulating sex.

[Anonymous]

My DH truly respects my intelligence and stimulates me sexually so I'm very happy. We don't discuss Descartes or Plato but I'm ok with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha! Excuses OP. You are attracted to another man and you are finding fake issues with your DH. Your taste in art maybe highbrow but you have not married a hiily-billy uneducated trailer trash. You can find areas of interest even if he is not the arty-farty type. He does not have to match your exact intellectual leaning. You just have to not cheat on him in any way. That is the crux of the matter. Your DH does not have to match you in every way. That is not how marriages work.

This. The OP is confusing “emotional connection” with “intellectual connection”.

[Anonymous]

I had an intellectual connection and no emotional connection with my ex.

Intellectual, spiritual, emotional and physical connection being compatible with your partner are ideal. Reality? All couples don’t share always have the gift of all four.All can ebb and flow over time.

It’s normal to be at risk for supplement in another relationship if any of the three, but it’s better to identify ways to improve any connection that is lacking.

To improve intellectual connection, ask questions to better understand the thinking. Learn something new together, or explore a new interest together. Take the time to understand why your spouse thinks the way that hey do. Where you agree, state so or what you admire or respect about their manner of thinking. Share your own. You have to strengthen your marital toolkit so that you don’t risk slacking at opportunities for growth in your marriage.

If you don’t do these types of things, you can skew the value of external fulfillment and give it a heavier weighting criteria in the big picture than its due. You’re attracted to the missing quality of a form of bonding in your marriage; try to improve it, and in He meantime minimize getting this filled somewhere else to the point it hampers your marital motivation in any way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had an intellectual connection and no emotional connection with my ex.

Intellectual, spiritual, emotional and physical connection being compatible with your partner are ideal. Reality? All couples don’t share always have the gift of all four.All can ebb and flow over time.

It’s normal to be at risk for supplement in another relationship if any of the three, but it’s better to identify ways to improve any connection that is lacking.

To improve intellectual connection, ask questions to better understand the thinking. Learn something new together, or explore a new interest together. Take the time to understand why your spouse thinks the way that hey do. Where you agree, state so or what you admire or respect about their manner of thinking. Share your own. You have to strengthen your marital toolkit so that you don’t risk slacking at opportunities for growth in your marriage.

If you don’t do these types of things, you can skew the value of external fulfillment and give it a heavier weighting criteria in the big picture than its due. You’re attracted to the missing quality of a form of bonding in your marriage; try to improve it, and in He meantime minimize getting this filled somewhere else to the point it hampers your marital motivation in any way.

OP here. thanks for this insightful post!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you get your nose out of your butt you might find something to talk about. Trust me, your fellow male artists are only engaging in lengthy intellectual conversations because they want to screw you. Every male artist believes they are God's gift to womanhood.

There’s some truth to this. Men in the arts can be very self-absorbed and have a host of other issues that enjoying “highbrow” art wouldn’t compensate for, I assure you.

[Anonymous]

Yes, this is what I specifically looked for and prioritized in a partner. I’m with you - don’t listen to the mean PPs.