secretly afraid - what if it's a boy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just found out #2 is a boy (#1 is a girl) and I've been stunned by how many people congratulate me on it, like I've won the lottery, or it's what I MUST have wanted. I really had no preference, and definitely didn't get this with #1. And FWIW, these are people who already knew I was pregnant, so I'm sure it's the gender their congratulating me on. What gives?

I think it's a result of your having one of each sex. Our family has the same make-up, and I got similar responses. I would would have been happy with any combination, but people seemed to think that one of each was ideal in some way.

[Anonymous]

I really wanted a girl, too. Then I had a dream that I was having a boy, and I began to get used to the idea. A few weeks later I had my ultrasound, and I cried with joy when I saw that perfect little fellow. I no longer cared about his gender - he was going to be my little boy.

[Anonymous]

If it is a boy, maybe this is a good way to try to break the cycle? I also came from a very male-favored family--my mom's parents didn't have a girls name picked out when she was born and I distinctly remember being a small child and my grandfather (on the other side) would only play with my brother and called him "the prince". My parents still expect me to do all the "women's work" at family events even though my brother is a very good cook, cleaner, etc. No joke.
I actually hope to have a boy (although I'll admit it scares me) just so I can teach him how valuable women are and how we should treat everyone equally. Obviously your situation is different from mine but maybe if you can see it as an opportunity, it might help? I also think, like PPs have said, you're going to love your child no matter what.

[Anonymous]

PP here--I also think you need to talk with your husband about it so he can be on the same page as you. My husband knows that any favoritism towards men drives me insane and he goes out of his way to help me with it. I think you'll find it's a lot easier with support.

[Anonymous]

I think that once your baby is born, you will love him or her so much that it really won't matter if it's a boy or a girl.

[Anonymous]

I desperately wanted a girl, too. My sister is also pregnant and due 4 weeks before me. She found out that she is having a girl, and she called me to tell me and as soon as I hung up the phone I started crying b/c I just KNEW I was going to have a boy and did not want one. (I'm sure some of this was due to pregnancy hormones!) In my family, no one really likes boys, and I felt as though no one would be excited about my baby if it were a boy. Also, I just want to have a little girl soooo badly. Throughout my pregnancy everyone has told me it's a boy b/c I had no morning sickness and have felt great the entire time. I was hoping to dispel all of those crazy myths by telling everyone that it's a girl!!!! I was anxious all weekend before my Level II U/S, and I could not pay attention as the ultrasound tech was looking at the baby's heart, kidneys, etc. and telling DH and I that everything looked great. Then she asked if we wanted to know the gender. I looked at the screen and could see right away. Boy. I have to admit, my heart sank for a minute. I felt disappointed. Ten minutes later that had disappeared and I was happy... and now, 2 weeks later, I am THRILLED about my little baby boy and cannot even imagine him being a girl instead. So, I agree with the PP who says it's good to find out and come to terms with it (even though, in my case, it only took 10 minutes)!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I actually hope to have a boy (although I'll admit it scares me) just so I can teach him how valuable women are and how we should treat everyone equally. Obviously your situation is different from mine but maybe if you can see it as an opportunity, it might help? I also think, like PPs have said, you're going to love your child no matter what.

I think this is a great point. I also would echo pp who pointed out that the relationship you will have with this little boy (if it is a boy) will be different than the relationship you've had with any other man in your family before.

That said, I think you have nothing to be ashamed of. LOTS of people are secretly rooting to have one sex over the other, and a lot of them don't have any of the reasons you've got.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just found out #2 is a boy (#1 is a girl) and I've been stunned by how many people congratulate me on it, like I've won the lottery, or it's what I MUST have wanted. I really had no preference, and definitely didn't get this with #1. And FWIW, these are people who already knew I was pregnant, so I'm sure it's the gender their congratulating me on. What gives?

I think it's a result of your having one of each sex. Our family has the same make-up, and I got similar responses. I would would have been happy with any combination, but people seemed to think that one of each was ideal in some way.

Yes, I think many people feel one of each is like some sort of accomplishment. We have 2 girls, and the worst comments are the, "oh no, so will you try again for that BOY?" People still ask me if I'm going to have another, as if our family can't be complete without another penis.

[Anonymous]

I was afraid, too, OP, for similar reasons.

And the universe laughed at me and gave me a son.

He has been the best, most wonderful curveball I have ever been thrown. Not that I wouldn't do this with a girl, but I mean, I really think through a lot of stuff about gender and our culture's expectations of it, and how it all fits into raising this kid to be both the best he can be, and also aware of his privilege. How to I raise him to be his best self? It's been a wonderful and educational journey so far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just found out #2 is a boy (#1 is a girl) and I've been stunned by how many people congratulate me on it, like I've won the lottery, or it's what I MUST have wanted. I really had no preference, and definitely didn't get this with #1. And FWIW, these are people who already knew I was pregnant, so I'm sure it's the gender their congratulating me on. What gives?

I think you are misreading them. They have to say something in response to gender so they are enthusiastic about it. They would be enthusiastic about a girl too. It is genuine congratulations but not meant to disparage the other gender.

Perhaps some of them are congratulating you on having one of each, which is a preference a lot of people have.

I disagree. I actually had people tell me they were "Sorry" and that I could "try for that boy next time", when they found out I was having a girl. I usually had to restrain myself from my impulse to punch them in the face. More than one person said this to me. So offensive.

[Anonymous]

I'm a mom of 2 little boys. Honestly, they are the greatest things that ever happened to me. I can understand why you are afraid, but I can almost promise you that you will love that little boy of yours (if you have a boy) like nothing else.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Wow, thanks for sharing all of your experiences. I had no idea this was so common! I will say that reading through all of these posts has made me feel a lot better and at least at this moment I'm not so terrified of having a boy. I do agree I need to talk to my husband about this.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I find out the gender in 2 weeks. We have a DS & we both desperately want a girl. We absolutely love and adore our son & can't imagine life without him. We just both want to experience having a daughter. We do think we are having a boy & know we will be happy if we find out it is a boy. We'd love for DS to have a brother. I am already bracing myself for the will you try for a 3rd if it turns out we have 2 boys. I never say this to my friends with 2 of the same gender. It is a horrible question & no one should 'try' for another baby just to get a certain gender. If you want a 3rd, have a 3rd. If someone you know is expecting the same gender as #1, emphasize how fun that will be, please don't ask about a 3rd! Sorry for the rant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a mom of 2 little boys. Honestly, they are the greatest things that ever happened to me. I can understand why you are afraid, but I can almost promise you that you will love that little boy of yours (if you have a boy) like nothing else.

Good luck.

Single mom of a boy here. I always thought I was having a girl (or maybe it was hoped) but I didn't find out the sex ahead of time. When the dr said
"It's a boy!" I was so happy. I never looked back really. Boys are tons of fun and in many ways, are simpler to raise than girls. I love being outside w/ him and doing active things w/ him. I love that it doesn't take 30 mins for him to decide what to wear. I love that he doesn't hold grudges. I understand where you are coming from but the feelings are normal and they will pass.

[Anonymous]

Take a look on another forum -- the TTC, trying to conceive list -- and maybe you'll realize how lucky you are to be expecting your child. What a precious gift, and all these people are obsessing over gender? You're going to be a parent, so it's time to start acting like a responsible adult.