Stealing money from family members- anyone experiencing this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is 11. Is she taking money from family that comes to visit or just mom's valet? I am not sure why are all the pps here acting like she needs to end up in Alcatraz. Usually there is an explanation for these issues, maybe dad told her, just grab couple of dollars from mom's purse when she asked and she got the idea that this is ok? Or mom said if a couple of times. Now it is a big deal and kid is scared to admit to it. Or maybe DH is taking a couple of bucks here and there and it is not the kid at all. Or kid got the idea that it is always no if she asks, and while not ok to take, maybe friends at school asked her to come get ice cream and she is now scared ot embarrass herself or get yelled at by mom. Where is OP anyway now? Why is your kid scared to ask you? Is money tight and you always say no? Do you ever think to ask your kid if she needs a couple of dollars? You know why this is happening, most likely a kid scared of you and your reaction. Fix it.

OP offered to pay her DD for chores and her DD refused. So why should OP just give her money with that attitude. Where did you get the idea her DD is afraid her? Your attitude sucks. Fix it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom stopped giving me pocket money when I was about 9 or 10 and i still remember the pain. I did steal change from her wallet.
Please do not do this to your kid. $3-4 is a joke. My 8 yo gets $10 a week.

So you really think it's ok to steal? I would never reward a child that steals with money. And her DD is not willing to earn any money at all.

Good God, we get it... stop sock-puppeting yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom stopped giving me pocket money when I was about 9 or 10 and i still remember the pain. I did steal change from her wallet.
Please do not do this to your kid. $3-4 is a joke. My 8 yo gets $10 a week.

So you really think it's ok to steal? I would never reward a child that steals with money. And her DD is not willing to earn any money at all.

Good God, we get it... stop sock-puppeting yourself.

Lol, I noticed that as well; same exact writing patterns for:

12:44
12:48
1:24
1:29

Mom, I would say to have one last conversation with her & tell her if she's not upfront with you, you may have to get the authorities involved to find out where your money is disappearing to.
Obviously it's a bluff, but she won't know that. It may be the incentive she needs to come clean.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

So funny... would all of you okay with stealing if the child had no allowance support a basic income for all citizens?

I grew up painfully poor. Never stole anything. Not even sanitary napkins although I certainly needed them.

[Anonymous]

IMO, $3-4 per job is insulting and I understand the no thanks/who cares attitude. You need to teach kids their worth early!

My boss is like that. She’ll brought her tween son and gave him a job, for example, unloading our 5 file cabinets into file boxes, and then gave him $5 for that. He worked hard all day for us and made under $20! Now she doesn’t understand why he doesn’t want to come back and help out again.

She’s 11, not 5. Pay according to age. $11 to vacuum one level, $11 to mop, etc.

[Anonymous]

What kinds of extra chores are we talking about to earn that $3-4, and how many times per week would you let her do it? Stealing isn't okay, but I suspect the underlying issue is your total control over money and her complete lack thereof. She has no spending money of her own except for what you will allow her to earn by doing extra chores, and she can double it but only if she does what you want with it. She's stealing so she can feel like she has some sense of autonomy and isn't constantly under your thumb. Give her a reasonable weekly allowance and the stealing will probably die fast.

[Anonymous]

I also stole small amounts from my parents at that age because I wanted extra treats at school. Normal, non-criminal person now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom stopped giving me pocket money when I was about 9 or 10 and i still remember the pain. I did steal change from her wallet.
Please do not do this to your kid. $3-4 is a joke. My 8 yo gets $10 a week.

So you really think it's ok to steal? I would never reward a child that steals with money. And her DD is not willing to earn any money at all.

Good God, we get it... stop sock-puppeting yourself.

Lol, I noticed that as well; same exact writing patterns for:

12:44
12:48
1:24
1:29

Mom, I would say to have one last conversation with her & tell her if she's not upfront with you, you may have to get the authorities involved to find out where your money is disappearing to.
Obviously it's a bluff, but she won't know that. It may be the incentive she needs to come clean.

Good luck!

I am 12:44 and only posted at that time, and right now. Please stop accusing people of sock-pupetting.

My children are 13 and 8. They ask us permission before spending any of their money and do not steal when we say no. I received pocket money at their age that I never spent. Their friends have never stolen from their parents either, whether or not they receive pocket money.

Theft indicates a mental issue (mild and temporary, probably) with the child, on which the amount and parental control of pocket money has absolutely no bearing. I hope everyone can stop blaming parents here.

[Anonymous]

It is a mental issue now? Op doesn't seem to be back or is the one blaming the child for criminal intent. Kids is scared most likely, and no it is not ok to take if you don't get allowance, but it is also not ok to have an 11 year old that is scared to ask for 3 dollars. It is always the fear, always.

[Anonymous]

Sigh. My DS11 has become very interested in money this year. He started asking me about investments and started to come up with sums of money that he "found" around the house. He's been asking me to put it all in a bank account with a match.

OP, talk with your DD about money- what is it that she wants to buy? Does she want to start a savings plan? Is something making her feel insecure? For instance, do you and your DH worry about money in front of her or inadvertently show a lot of materialism? That's okay- I think we all enjoy nice things but I've found with my own son that he can feel a little entitled to things he hasn't earned because he's always grown up in comfort.

You also have to consider whether your DD is impulsive or defiant. If so, it would likely have shown itself before now, but it gets worse at this age. If this is the case, you will need a therapist to help with the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sigh. My DS11 has become very interested in money this year. He started asking me about investments and started to come up with sums of money that he "found" around the house. He's been asking me to put it all in a bank account with a match.

OP, talk with your DD about money- what is it that she wants to buy? Does she want to start a savings plan? Is something making her feel insecure? For instance, do you and your DH worry about money in front of her or inadvertently show a lot of materialism? That's okay- I think we all enjoy nice things but I've found with my own son that he can feel a little entitled to things he hasn't earned because he's always grown up in comfort.

You also have to consider whether your DD is impulsive or defiant. If so, it would likely have shown itself before now, but it gets worse at this age. If this is the case, you will need a therapist to help with the situation.

Also, OP, I wanted to say that my son's "found" money was pretty easily traced to job insecurity in our family this year. He became deeply anxious (his nature) for a time and even when things worked themselves out, he was watching youtube videos on how to be a millionaire by age thirty, and how he was going to take care of our family. It was heartbreaking and we went very easy on him by explaining there are "kid" problems like homework and friendships, and there are "adult" problems that we will take care of. I realize this is a dramatic example, but there may be something behind your DDs stealing that can be addressed.

It may also be impulsive behavior of a less serious nature- I was younger than your DD, but I remember taking things out of other children's backpacks at school. It was short lived impulsivity that I stopped on my own. Anyone who knows me now would laugh. My career was accounting/auditing and you will never find a straighter arrow.

[Anonymous]

We give each kid $50/week. They have to save 20% of all money received, so I actually transfer $40 into their accounts and then $10 in their savings accounts. They can then decide what to do with that money. It's a good way to teach money management, IMO.

They are required to clean their rooms, unload the dishwasher, take out the trash, and walk & feed the dog as part of being part of our household. They're also required to help out when asked or when given a job without any lip.

This system has worked very well for us.

I grew up in a house with the 3-5 bucks per job system. Once I got old enough to understand the correlation between the amount of work done & the amount of money I received, I quit working for my parents and looked elsewhere for better pay. Why should I mow our lawn for $5 when I could mow my neighbor's lawn for $15? Why should I wash my mom's car for $4 when I could wash a neighbor's car for $10? Heck, with my parent's system of low pay, but the time I saved up for what I wanted, there was already some new hot toy/item/clothing out to replace that one.

[Anonymous]

Another vote for giving your DD a weekly allowance and to expect chores. One dollar per year of age per week is what we do. (To the PP: If I gave $50/week for each child, it'll be ~$2500/month in allowance payments for us, which would be crazy!) Chores are not performed for money. Therefore, allowance is not a payment for the chores. Instead, chores are expected from every member of the household.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another vote for giving your DD a weekly allowance and to expect chores. One dollar per year of age per week is what we do. (To the PP: If I gave $50/week for each child, it'll be ~$2500/month in allowance payments for us, which would be crazy!) Chores are not performed for money. Therefore, allowance is not a payment for the chores. Instead, chores are expected from every member of the household.

I think $50/week is a bit crazy too, but how many children do you have that it would be $2,500 a month for you? $50/week is $200 a month in a typical month, you'd have to have something like 12 kids for that to become $2,500 a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another vote for giving your DD a weekly allowance and to expect chores. One dollar per year of age per week is what we do. (To the PP: If I gave $50/week for each child, it'll be ~$2500/month in allowance payments for us, which would be crazy!) Chores are not performed for money. Therefore, allowance is not a payment for the chores. Instead, chores are expected from every member of the household.

I think $50/week is a bit crazy too, but how many children do you have that it would be $2,500 a month for you? $50/week is $200 a month in a typical month, you'd have to have something like 12 kids for that to become $2,500 a month.

Yeah, another pp, how many kids do you have? Are you on reality tv?