Stealing money from family members- anyone experiencing this?

[Anonymous]

My DD, 11, won't admit to this but I know she does. We’ve discussed this numerous times and it doesn't sink in with her. I now hide my purse. I've offered her numerous house ”jobs” where she could earn money but she says $3, $4 here and there us not worth it. I even propose to double it if they bank for college and bigger expenses. All I get is who cares.
.

[Anonymous]

That seems serious. You should have her evaluated by a psychologist for kleptomania, and explore why she feels the need to do this.

[Anonymous]

Give your kid pocket money. We give our kids money, people in Eastern Europe give their kids money, my parents certainly did it. What kind of freak control show are you running when you kid can't have a dollar to buy ice cream at school? Please tell me that I misinterpreted this and that you do give you kid some money to spend.

[Anonymous]

My daughter is 12 and receives pocket money each week. She gets her "age" in a dollar amount each week. She is expected to do things like empty the dishwasher, take out the trash and keep her room clean without complaint.

I would be concerned if the response was "Who cares?" and then it continues. What else is going on? How are her friendships? What is her behavior like in school? How is your relationship with her, as well as with other family members?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give your kid pocket money. We give our kids money, people in Eastern Europe give their kids money, my parents certainly did it. What kind of freak control show are you running when you kid can't have a dollar to buy ice cream at school? Please tell me that I misinterpreted this and that you do give you kid some money to spend.

For your information, lots of children have no pocket money to spend and never think of stealing. I am shocked you would think like that. Get out of your bubble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give your kid pocket money. We give our kids money, people in Eastern Europe give their kids money, my parents certainly did it. What kind of freak control show are you running when you kid can't have a dollar to buy ice cream at school? Please tell me that I misinterpreted this and that you do give you kid some money to spend.

For your information, lots of children have no pocket money to spend and never think of stealing. I am shocked you would think like that. Get out of your bubble.

+1

Yeah, not having an allowance doesn't automatically mean a kid starts stealing. I did not have one and I certainly did not. Similarly, even if OP's DD got an allowance, that doesn't mean she will STOP stealing.

I agree this is quite a serious issue and you need to dig deeper. Does she have other anti-social tendencies?

[Anonymous]

She is 11. Is she taking money from family that comes to visit or just mom's valet? I am not sure why are all the pps here acting like she needs to end up in Alcatraz. Usually there is an explanation for these issues, maybe dad told her, just grab couple of dollars from mom's purse when she asked and she got the idea that this is ok? Or mom said if a couple of times. Now it is a big deal and kid is scared to admit to it. Or maybe DH is taking a couple of bucks here and there and it is not the kid at all. Or kid got the idea that it is always no if she asks, and while not ok to take, maybe friends at school asked her to come get ice cream and she is now scared ot embarrass herself or get yelled at by mom. Where is OP anyway now? Why is your kid scared to ask you? Is money tight and you always say no? Do you ever think to ask your kid if she needs a couple of dollars? You know why this is happening, most likely a kid scared of you and your reaction. Fix it.

[Anonymous]

Mark your bills?

[Anonymous]

I would try giving her set chores and a set amount of money (not $3, it's 2018) and see if that helps. She probably has friends who get $10 or $20 per week and are able to buy themselves small things.

I used to help myself to spare change and the occasional dollar bill or two, but my parents were really cheap and would expect us to pay our way into a public pool and entertain ourselves on a summer day and would just provide enough for the pool. If I wanted something to eat, I needed to raid the piles of quarters. I certainly never stole anything else in my life.

[Anonymous]

I also stole dollar bills and quarters from my parents. I wanted money for snacks and sodas from the vending machine at school and I knew if I asked my mother she'd say it was unhealthy and not give me anything. So I took small amounts here and there. I never took more than $1 at a time and never stole anything else. I think my dad probably knew and said nothing (he and my mom didn't always see eye-to-eye on how strict to be with us).

Try setting up an actual allowance system and see what happens. I agree with PP that $3 here and there is not enough--it was not enough when I was a kid and that was 20+ years ago. It accumulated so slowly that it never seemed worth it to bother earning and it taught me nothing about money management because it wasn't enough to manage. What, you're going to save $0.50, donate $0.50 to charity, and spend $2 on a bag of Famous Amos cookies? Or maybe if you save for half a year you can buy a sweatshirt! Yippee!

[Anonymous]

I opened up student accounts at our bank for my two teenagers. The accounts come with debit cards and I deposit money in the accounts when they get low so they will always have some spending money and I won't have to constantly give them money. I still occasionally give them some cash so they have some bills or hard currency.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also stole dollar bills and quarters from my parents. I wanted money for snacks and sodas from the vending machine at school and I knew if I asked my mother she'd say it was unhealthy and not give me anything. So I took small amounts here and there. I never took more than $1 at a time and never stole anything else. I think my dad probably knew and said nothing (he and my mom didn't always see eye-to-eye on how strict to be with us).

Try setting up an actual allowance system and see what happens. I agree with PP that $3 here and there is not enough--it was not enough when I was a kid and that was 20+ years ago. It accumulated so slowly that it never seemed worth it to bother earning and it taught me nothing about money management because it wasn't enough to manage. What, you're going to save $0.50, donate $0.50 to charity, and spend $2 on a bag of Famous Amos cookies? Or maybe if you save for half a year you can buy a sweatshirt! Yippee!

I also did this, for similar reasons. I don’t steal now, and never shoplifted or anything as a teen. It doesn’t seem like stealing in the same way when it is your parents.

I knew it was wrong, feel very bad about it as an adult, and really hope my kids don’t do the same to me. So lots of sympathy OP.

[Anonymous]

My mom stopped giving me pocket money when I was about 9 or 10 and i still remember the pain. I did steal change from her wallet.
Please do not do this to your kid. $3-4 is a joke. My 8 yo gets $10 a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give your kid pocket money. We give our kids money, people in Eastern Europe give their kids money, my parents certainly did it. What kind of freak control show are you running when you kid can't have a dollar to buy ice cream at school? Please tell me that I misinterpreted this and that you do give you kid some money to spend.

For your information, lots of children have no pocket money to spend and never think of stealing. I am shocked you would think like that. Get out of your bubble.

+1000. So what you're saying is if her kid wants $100 jeans and OP doesn't provide them then it's ok for her DD to steal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom stopped giving me pocket money when I was about 9 or 10 and i still remember the pain. I did steal change from her wallet.
Please do not do this to your kid. $3-4 is a joke. My 8 yo gets $10 a week.

So you really think it's ok to steal? I would never reward a child that steals with money. And her DD is not willing to earn any money at all.