Would it bother you if your husband...

[Anonymous]

Because he is passive aggressively telling you that you don't dress sexy enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:well you could opt for the sexless marriage, that seems to be all the rage lately

lol (OP here) - sex life is good and I have no issue with that (nor I think does he - I mean I'm sure he'd love for it to be more but we aren't like those, once a month/year people or anything like that)! It's something about dictating the clothes that I dislike.

Then find something sexy you like. The. You can respond with not exactly my style, but I do like this...

It is more about a mutual effort and conversation than the item itself. At least for me it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:buy him the yellow borat swimsuit and tell him how sexy it is.

but he sounds fun and playful, whether you buy some wares or not. go with it!

NP. Haha, I actually second the Borat suit or something similar for him, like handcuffs or chaps or something. LOL. Dose of his own medicine! Tit for tat, no pun intended! But yes, I’d also try to accommodate.

Yeah nothing's going to improve your relationship like mocking your husband when he wants to have sex with you.

Oh yes, because you sound like you have a good sense of humor and are pleasant in bed.

Thank God I'm not married to an unpleasant harpy with your "sense of humor" then.

[Anonymous]

It creates an expectation and probably feels like pressure.

A nonsexual situation that strikes me as similar is when I'll intend on doing some chore or another -- mow the lawn, pour drinks for dinner, take the dog for a walk -- could be almost anything. But, before I actually get to it, my wife asks me to do it. The thing I was going to do happily without comment now becomes something I resent a little bit because now I'm not a free agent. I'm working for her! Rationally, it's dumb. So I tend to just do whatever it is & not say anything. But being told to do something definitely changes how I feel about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because he is passive aggressively telling you that you don't dress sexy enough.

I don't know that I agree. I think he's fairly directly telling her that he would like it if she wore lingerie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It creates an expectation and probably feels like pressure.

A nonsexual situation that strikes me as similar is when I'll intend on doing some chore or another -- mow the lawn, pour drinks for dinner, take the dog for a walk -- could be almost anything. But, before I actually get to it, my wife asks me to do it. The thing I was going to do happily without comment now becomes something I resent a little bit because now I'm not a free agent. I'm working for her! Rationally, it's dumb. So I tend to just do whatever it is & not say anything. But being told to do something definitely changes how I feel about it.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:buy him the yellow borat swimsuit and tell him how sexy it is.

The difference is that he actually thinks it would be sexy if OP wore this stuff. Nothing sinister about that desire, even if wearing it makes OP uncomfortable for some reason. If the Borat thing would actually turn OP on, then that's an apples-to-apples request. But, assuming it probably doesn't, then the only reason to make the request is to take pleasure in her husband's feelings of humiliation. Which is, of course, mean.

[Anonymous]

My DH knows lingerie isn’t my style. But I know, for instance, that he lives my sporty look of walking around in a sports bra and little shorts or wearing boy short underwear so I do that and don’t always try to hide my body from him. I think from the husband’s perspective he should respect your personal style somewhat, but as the wife, you should make an effort to look sexy for him, in your own way.

[Anonymous]

I think you don't like it because it lays clear that your "decent" sex life isn't satisfying him. Right now you two are dancing around that trust with him nudging you toward improving/increasing your sex life and you studiously not getting the hint.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:buy him the yellow borat swimsuit and tell him how sexy it is.

but he sounds fun and playful, whether you buy some wares or not. go with it!

NP. Haha, I actually second the Borat suit or something similar for him, like handcuffs or chaps or something. LOL. Dose of his own medicine! Tit for tat, no pun intended! But yes, I’d also try to accommodate.

Yeah nothing's going to improve your relationship like mocking your husband when he wants to have sex with you.

Oh yes, because you sound like you have a good sense of humor and are pleasant in bed.

Thank God I'm not married to an unpleasant harpy with your "sense of humor" then.

It’s unfortunate, this tendency of yours to get butt hurt when the tables are turned. Your wife must be thrilled by your snowflake sensitivities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:buy him the yellow borat swimsuit and tell him how sexy it is.

The difference is that he actually thinks it would be sexy if OP wore this stuff. Nothing sinister about that desire, even if wearing it makes OP uncomfortable for some reason. If the Borat thing would actually turn OP on, then that's an apples-to-apples request. But, assuming it probably doesn't, then the only reason to make the request is to take pleasure in her husband's feelings of humiliation. Which is, of course, mean.

I disagree. I actually think it’s a good way to show him some empathy when it comes to mutual desire and intimacy in the bedroom. If she feels bad by his request, and he pigheadedly doesn’t get it or doesn’t care, it’s a huge turn off. And mean to boot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You think you have a "decent" sex life. He obviously doesn't. All this talk about sexy clothes is a way of hinting he wants more (and more exciting) sex.

DUH. He's trying to tell you what he likes and you're straight up ignoring it. I'm sure it won't be long before he returns the favor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because he is passive aggressively telling you that you don't dress sexy enough.

you don't know the meaning of passive aggressive, do you? he's being pretty straight up and direct of what he finds appealing to him/his desires, without being mean or cruel about it or without trying to shame OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:well you could opt for the sexless marriage, that seems to be all the rage lately

lol (OP here) - sex life is good and I have no issue with that (nor I think does he - I mean I'm sure he'd love for it to be more but we aren't like those, once a month/year people or anything like that)! It's something about dictating the clothes that I dislike.

to you your sex life is "decent" as you put it in your original post. But have you asked him, honestly, what he thinks of your sex life? Are you prepared for an answer that you may not like? My read of this is that he is telling you he wants to bring some spark back to the sex life. He may not be going about it in the manner you like, but it is is no way cruel or disrespectful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because he is passive aggressively telling you that you don't dress sexy enough.

you don't know the meaning of passive aggressive, do you? he's being pretty straight up and direct of what he finds appealing to him/his desires, without being mean or cruel about it or without trying to shame OP.

I agree, this is not passive aggressive behavior. He's being direct in his desires. Nothing wrong with it.