My mom is being manipulative

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Become a live in nanny. I’m hiring.

Does she sound like a good worker? I don't think so. You'll have major problems with someone like her.

Meh. My next best option is an au pair. I just need someone to do pick ups, drop offs, and occasionally let the maids in. I just can’t get a 21+ au pair now I’m Trump’s America.

Op here I’m in LA though

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently moved back home with my parents. I was getting my BA and lived near campus. Due to financial issues, I had to move back home since I had to take out loans. Last fall I applied to a masters program and got rejected. I’m currently working as a nanny and I haven’t taken another job mainly because all the offers have a lower salary than I currently make. Last night, I got home really late and my mom was upset. One of the reasons that led me to move out was having a 10 pm curfew even though I was 21.
My mom then goes on to tell me that I have to apply to multiple masters program this fall. Or else, I’ll have to start contributing financially.
I don’t mind, but when I asked to move back home she said I didn’t have to pay for anything and try to pay down my loans. The only reason she’s saying I have to apply or else she’ll start asking me for money, is because I said I didn’t want to apply this fall. I told her I would apply next fall. She wants me to do it this fall because she worries I’ll lose my motivation for wanting to go to grad school.
I don’t expect my parents to always be able to help me out, but I feel like she’s being manipulative and trying to get her way.
My undergrad loans left a sour note in my mouth and I would have to take out more loans to get my masters.
I might also not even get it. But, I rather not do it this fall because I’ll only be doing it to please my mom. I want to get a masters degree, but I want to wait another year. It took me 5 years to get my BA and I have mental health issues that I’ve been dealing with as well (I rather focus on trying to work through my issues). 5 years were really long and stressful so I would like to wait.
What would you do in this situation?

1. Do you want to be a nanny forever (there's nothing wrong with that, but I sense from your post this isn't what you want)? If not, take one of those lower-paying jobs in your desired industry. Many people start with lower-paying jobs, then work their way up.

2. Your mom is right: you SHOULD apply to multiple institutions. (Why did you apply to only one school last time? This was a bad move). Part of the reason you should apply to multiple schools is the possibility of being rejected from one/some, and also, in the case of multiple admission offers, you could then choose the best fellowship/scholarship offer. This brings me to my next point:

3. If you have to take out loans to pay for grad school, you don't belong in grad school (law/medicine are exceptions). I say this as a person with two graduate degrees, both of which were paid for by a combo of scholarships/teaching fellowships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t like her terms, move out.

This!

Grow up, OP. I know plenty of people working towards their Master’s while working shitty jobs and living in dumpy apartments. Welcome to Adulthood, sweetheart!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Become a live in nanny. I’m hiring.

Does she sound like a good worker? I don't think so. You'll have major problems with someone like her.

Meh. My next best option is an au pair. I just need someone to do pick ups, drop offs, and occasionally let the maids in. I just can’t get a 21+ au pair now I’m Trump’s America.

Blaming mommy AND Trump for your failure to launch! Love it, OP! Well done!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you contribute to the household? I think it's fair for your mom to ask you to contribute something, but lay off the grad school pressuring. Grad school is far, far different than bachelor's.

If you can't contribute financially, what's your household contribution, otherwise? Do you cook? Clean up? Not just after yourself, but others and common areas?

Op here. I drive my sister around basically anywhere she needs. I also do everyone’s laundry. I cook dinner almost every night and clean the bathrooms and kitchen every other week,. I can contribute financially. But she brought me back home under false pretenses. I only asked to move back home to save money on rent.

She didn't "bring you back home", you asked. She agreed, thinking it would be temporary. You decided you like your current gig and will do nothing. She's not having it.

Just move out. And then you'll need to either pay rent or actually study, which is exactly what your mom wanted. But that's what you should have been doing all along. Consider the past few months a gift.

[Anonymous]

Are you not already at risk on loosing the underpaid nanny job you have, as you can't work overtime anymore? Assuming you are the same poster that is over in the nanny section. I would start with securing a better fitting, higher paying job, to open up your options.

[Anonymous]

She’s telling you outright to pay rent. How is this manipulative?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s telling you outright to pay rent. How is this manipulative?

Well...in order to have OP be a victim in her narrative, her mom has to be manipulative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do you contribute to the household? I think it's fair for your mom to ask you to contribute something, but lay off the grad school pressuring. Grad school is far, far different than bachelor's.

If you can't contribute financially, what's your household contribution, otherwise? Do you cook? Clean up? Not just after yourself, but others and common areas?

Op here. I drive my sister around basically anywhere she needs. I also do everyone’s laundry. I cook dinner almost every night and clean the bathrooms and kitchen every other week,. I can contribute financially. But she brought me back home under false pretenses. I only asked to move back home to save money on rent.

You asked to move home so you wouldn't have to pay rent. Are you paying rent? No. So you ARE saving money on rent. And cable. And food. And utilities. And renters insurance. Maybe you're just crap at saving money.

[Anonymous]

Good luck OP, and don't pay attention to the nasty posters above.

[Anonymous]

I’d bet the no rent terms were with the expectation you’d be in school working on that Master’s. Your mom has every right to expect you to chip in toward your living expenses if you’re not in school (and even if she were). How would feel about paying all of her expenses for a few years, starting now? You want to cover the mortgage, utilities, insurance, food, etc while she chips in nothing? That’s what you are doing. You’re not a child anymore, you need to stop expecting others to support you. Time to grow up and find your own way, support yourself,

[Anonymous]

Your mom gives it to you straight. There is no manipulation or you misunderstand the meaning of manipulation.

[Anonymous]

Op - you should not be living at home.
If you are a nanny, anyway, you should find a live-in nanny situation. Or live somewhere else with multiple roommates.

[Anonymous]

She should manipulate her foot up your azz and out the front door. Lazy bitch.

[Anonymous]

OP,; ignore the nasty trolls. Lazy bitch...really, was that necessary? Yikes.

I don't think there's anything at all wrong with you living with your parents but it's also not unusual in our culture so when I did, my parents were totally happy with it.

I think you should have a sit down with your mom about your long term educational goals and come up with a mutual living arrangement. If she still is adamant about you applying this year, I'd look for a roommate and move out. Good luck.