Thank you notes after family illness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been watching the younger son for three days and nights now. He's running a fever and has bad chest congestion but they don't want to take him to the doctor for some reason. I offered to write the notes, as I said in my post, so I think I was offering help. I've paid to have their whole house steam cleaned, have slept many nights in the hospital and I'm pretty well gutted over my grandchild's medical condition myself but keep up with the flaming. The doctors have told us the treatments will go on for years, that is if he survives. I just thought notes might help the support level in the neighborhood last beyond this first phase but, never mind, not bringing it up again. Estrangement is apparently what I deserve.

Gosh, I, I, I. You are way too self serving. I feel so bad that your daughter has to deal with such a grave prognosis all whilst having you play Molly Manners. Can’t you cut her a break. She doesn’t want to send the thank you. Leave it alone. Those that gave from the heart won’t care about a thank you note. Trust me, I am the queen of manners and would let this pass. You should as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let it go. I would never expect a thank you note if I gave to someone under these circumstances. I absolutely would not want to create more work for them.

Same here. Of all the things that need doing during this time, I can't believe OP thinks 'thank you notes' are one of them.

[Anonymous]

You are an unbelievable narcissist.

[Anonymous]

You are scared. Rightfully so. You are also repeatedly jumping in and grabbing the reins. Is the first time you have been in a serious situation that you have next to no control over the outcome? I get that you are feeling helpless, but you need to step back. It is possible you may lose your grandson, but your actions may lead to you losing your daughter too. Genuine support would be asking "What do you need from me at this time?" Genuine support is respecting their decisions. You need support as well, but from someone else besides your daughter and SIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are scared. Rightfully so. You are also repeatedly jumping in and grabbing the reins. Is the first time you have been in a serious situation that you have next to no control over the outcome? I get that you are feeling helpless, but you need to step back. It is possible you may lose your grandson, but your actions may lead to you losing your daughter too. Genuine support would be asking "What do you need from me at this time?" Genuine support is respecting their decisions. You need support as well, but from someone else besides your daughter and SIL.

+1

You need to see a therapist. Post haste.

PS - Thank you notes ARE THE LAST THING your daughter is thinking about. Thank you notes are also the last thing people that have helped them are thinking about. I have never, ever helped someone in a crisis and expected a thank you note. Even if you write the notes and she signs them, it is still something else she has to do. So just lay off.

[Anonymous]

My baby nephew had a terminal disease. I started a meal train and many of their friends donated. Not one of them would have expected a thank you note. Nor would it have occurred to my family to write them. People do it out of the kindness of their heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been watching the younger son for three days and nights now. He's running a fever and has bad chest congestion but they don't want to take him to the doctor for some reason. I offered to write the notes, as I said in my post, so I think I was offering help. I've paid to have their whole house steam cleaned, have slept many nights in the hospital and I'm pretty well gutted over my grandchild's medical condition myself but keep up with the flaming. The doctors have told us the treatments will go on for years, that is if he survives. I just thought notes might help the support level in the neighborhood last beyond this first phase but, never mind, not bringing it up again. Estrangement is apparently what I deserve.

Nobody gives a flying eff about a thank you note right now. Yes, don’t bring it up again, you are doing more harm than good with that. Your daughter has enough to manage right now, you shouldn’t add your feelings to her list.

Why have you done those things?

Nobody expects thank you notes in this situation.

We have family with a young child with leukemia. A lot has been done in the past 6 years. Meals, house cleaning, laundry, babysitting the sibling and taking her to her activities, yard work.

When there is a chance to take a deep breath, mom posts a thank you on FB.

You are likely adding to your daughter's stress. Back off with the damn notes.