Thank you notes after family illness?

[Anonymous]

My grandson has leukemia and my daughter (his mom) and her family have received lots of expensive gifts, restaurant takeout and much more. I've offered to write thank you notes for her to sign. She refuses to keep a list and said no one expects a note. Am I unreasonable?

[Anonymous]

you are being unreasonable. Stop harping on your daughter about this. She is not interested in doing this. Be helpful by supporting your daughter with what SHE needs and what the child needs, not what you think is relavant.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure why someone would be sending an expensive gift but for things like restaurant take out and the like people don't expect a thank you note - maybe just a thank you.

[Anonymous]

Let it go. I would never expect a thank you note if I gave to someone under these circumstances. I absolutely would not want to create more work for them.

[Anonymous]

Are you the same grandmother who keeps posting? If so and you are not a troll, please see the common thread in your actions. You ask your daughter something, she says no, and then you turn to an anonymous board for advice on how to keep pushing. Here’s your answer—don’t. Your daughter has her hands full and your constant back seat driving is adding more for her to deal with. Let her be. Let her handle this situation as she wants to. Stop trying to tell her what to do in the name of being “helpful.” Back off. Show your love by understanding they don’t want your suggestions right now. If they ASK you to do something and you can do it, great. Otherwise, let them be.

[Anonymous]

Stand down. No one expects the mother of a child with cancer to send thank-you notes. She has enough on her plate. Leave her alone.

[Anonymous]

You again. You are determined to ruin your relationship with your daughter, which can only hurt your relationship with the grandson you care so much for. You seem to value being right way more than helping ease the pain/strain your loved ones are going through in this difficult period. Why?
You need to find another way to deal with your anxiety that does not entail harping on your daughter and son-in-law who already have enough to deal with. If you can’t help, could you at least stop making things worse?

[Anonymous]

I've been watching the younger son for three days and nights now. He's running a fever and has bad chest congestion but they don't want to take him to the doctor for some reason. I offered to write the notes, as I said in my post, so I think I was offering help. I've paid to have their whole house steam cleaned, have slept many nights in the hospital and I'm pretty well gutted over my grandchild's medical condition myself but keep up with the flaming. The doctors have told us the treatments will go on for years, that is if he survives. I just thought notes might help the support level in the neighborhood last beyond this first phase but, never mind, not bringing it up again. Estrangement is apparently what I deserve.

[Anonymous]

People don’t send thank you notes in this situation - I’ve taken meals or sent meals to many people dealing with illness. It’s not expected. God willing, all will be well in the future and she can thank friends and family for all their support.

[Anonymous]

PP again, in terms of encouraging continued support, often times people will keep a blog on caring bridge to update interested people in the situation. I think you can link it to a meal train or similar site so people can coordinate help. Often a friend coordinates the meal train/other help or a church/synagogue

[Anonymous]

If your daughter were smart, she’d let you write the notes. It’s a nice gesture and it’ll keep you off her back.

[Anonymous]

I'm calling troll. This and the OP's threads on the health forum are just too bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been watching the younger son for three days and nights now. He's running a fever and has bad chest congestion but they don't want to take him to the doctor for some reason. I offered to write the notes, as I said in my post, so I think I was offering help. I've paid to have their whole house steam cleaned, have slept many nights in the hospital and I'm pretty well gutted over my grandchild's medical condition myself but keep up with the flaming. The doctors have told us the treatments will go on for years, that is if he survives. I just thought notes might help the support level in the neighborhood last beyond this first phase but, never mind, not bringing it up again. Estrangement is apparently what I deserve.

Way to make this all about yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been watching the younger son for three days and nights now. He's running a fever and has bad chest congestion but they don't want to take him to the doctor for some reason. I offered to write the notes, as I said in my post, so I think I was offering help. I've paid to have their whole house steam cleaned, have slept many nights in the hospital and I'm pretty well gutted over my grandchild's medical condition myself but keep up with the flaming. The doctors have told us the treatments will go on for years, that is if he survives. I just thought notes might help the support level in the neighborhood last beyond this first phase but, never mind, not bringing it up again. Estrangement is apparently what I deserve.

Nobody gives a flying eff about a thank you note right now. Yes, don’t bring it up again, you are doing more harm than good with that. Your daughter has enough to manage right now, you shouldn’t add your feelings to her list.

[Anonymous]

I would send them.