Cousin admitted she smoked her entire pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Smoking is incredibly difficult to quit, so mothers who can cut way back but can't quit completely are still doing amazingly well. A couple of cigarettes a day is not likely to make a huge difference in the baby's risk profile. MYOB

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't control other people. You can pas judgement on them if you wish but thats rather exhausting is it not?

Evergreen comment, in just about any thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gross.

Still, not my baby, not my problem.

This. Baby will most likely be fine. Born a little underweight. Like all of my grandparents and my parents.

What do you want to do, OP? Have the baby taken away?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can't control other people. You can pass judgement on them if you wish but thats rather exhausting is it not?

This. Let it go. There is nothing you can do about it except drive yourself crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And frankly I'm really upset about it. She lied and said she quit, brought up multiple times how hard quitting was etc but yay she did it! Fast forward to the baby is here and she started up again. I told her I was surprised she'd smoke again so soon with a newborn and how hard it was to quit. She said that well she never actually quit and still smoked 2-3 a day and he's fine (as if she's rubbing it in my face he wasn't born with a third arm). I was really taken aback and got off the phone shortly thereafter.

What do you even do with this disturbing information? I don't even want to talk to her again but it's her baby and her life. I'm just really disappointed she lied multiple times to me about it and also disgusted she'd do that. Poor baby. How would you proceed?

She lied because she was addicted to something she knew was bad, couldn't bring herself to admit that her efforts to kick the addiction had failed, and was worried about the stigma of being a nicotine addict. Now, she's come clean, and your response is anger and that you "don't even want to talk to her again," so I guess she was on the right track trying to hide her addiction from you, huh?

Look, she's no saint. No one who smokes today is, with all that we've known for so long about the dangers of smoking -- even setting aside pregnancy. Any smoker who gets pregnant should try to stop ASAP, because it's clear that there are serious risks to embryos from smoking.

But that's a prospective, prescriptive view. Now, though, your cousin's baby is born, so there's no sense in hand-wringing about how she didn't follow the prescription. The major known risks of smoking during pregnancy are low birthweight, preterm delivery, and low weight for gestational age. Not so much long term effects on the kid if the baby is healthy. So if cousin's baby is healthy, just be grateful that she got lucky, and be supportive of any further attempts to quit smoking around the kid.

[Anonymous]

If you want to stop talking to her do it- what else would you do with the information? She made a choice, none of this is under your control, so why waste time worrying about it and her? Be civil when you see her at family functions and that’s that.
I suppose you could tell your whole family the info in the hopes that they would- shame her? Disown her? I don’t know, it sucks but it’s just really not your business.

[Anonymous]

My mom smoked with all six of her pregnancies. We were all healthy. She prob smoked close to a pack a day. Lots of people smoke throughout pregnancy

[Anonymous]

I would treat it as a character flaw and probably limit my interactions with her somewhat. You didn't mention it in the OP but how often do you talk with her and see her? If it's not very often I would probably just let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And frankly I'm really upset about it. She lied and said she quit, brought up multiple times how hard quitting was etc but yay she did it! Fast forward to the baby is here and she started up again. I told her I was surprised she'd smoke again so soon with a newborn and how hard it was to quit. She said that well she never actually quit and still smoked 2-3 a day and he's fine (as if she's rubbing it in my face he wasn't born with a third arm). I was really taken aback and got off the phone shortly thereafter.

What do you even do with this disturbing information? I don't even want to talk to her again but it's her baby and her life. I'm just really disappointed she lied multiple times to me about it and also disgusted she'd do that. Poor baby. How would you proceed?

She lied because she was addicted to something she knew was bad, couldn't bring herself to admit that her efforts to kick the addiction had failed, and was worried about the stigma of being a nicotine addict. Now, she's come clean, and your response is anger and that you "don't even want to talk to her again," so I guess she was on the right track trying to hide her addiction from you, huh?

Look, she's no saint. No one who smokes today is, with all that we've known for so long about the dangers of smoking -- even setting aside pregnancy. Any smoker who gets pregnant should try to stop ASAP, because it's clear that there are serious risks to embryos from smoking.

But that's a prospective, prescriptive view. Now, though, your cousin's baby is born, so there's no sense in hand-wringing about how she didn't follow the prescription. The major known risks of smoking during pregnancy are low birthweight, preterm delivery, and low weight for gestational age. Not so much long term effects on the kid if the baby is healthy. So if cousin's baby is healthy, just be grateful that she got lucky, and be supportive of any further attempts to quit smoking around the kid.

100% perfect response.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Smoking is incredibly difficult to quit, so mothers who can cut way back but can't quit completely are still doing amazingly well. A couple of cigarettes a day is not likely to make a huge difference in the baby's risk profile. MYOB

People who smoke aren't getting nothing from it, otherwise it would be simple to quit. It's possible it was calming for her to have a couple versus struggling and stressing daily.
Surely you aren't perfect either.

[Anonymous]

She lied because you are obnoxious about it Its none of your business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL smoked through all 3 of her pregnancies and her children grew up to be a dr, lawyer and phd.

My mother did the same for all 3 of us.

OP I don't think you realize how common smoking during pregnancy was back in the 70's and even in the 80's. While it's not ideal, it is also in no way a death sentence or even a debilitating issue most of the time.

Seriously. I was born in '55 and I know my mom smoked with all three pregnancies. Would have been better if she hadn't but we survived.

[Anonymous]

Even doctors sometimes recommend a couple of cigarets a day if quitting is going to cause a tremendous amount of stress. I fail to see how any of this is your problem OP. Are you responsible for her health bills? If not, MYOB.

[Anonymous]

Well, was the baby underweight?

[Anonymous]

I was born in 1975. My mom smoked her entire pregnancy with me. Now at age 43, I'm an Ironman and I've competed in 4 half Ironmans, run several marathons and literally dozens of half marathons.

She quit smoking for her pregnancies with my brothers.

One of them was diagnosed ADD as a child, and now at age 40 is morbidly obese with severe kidney disease.

The other has hypothyroidism. This one one is also now a smoker.