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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]And frankly I'm really upset about it. She lied and said she quit, brought up multiple times how hard quitting was etc but yay she did it! Fast forward to the baby is here and she started up again. I told her I was surprised she'd smoke again so soon with a newborn and how hard it was to quit. She said that well she never actually quit and still smoked 2-3 a day and he's fine (as if she's rubbing it in my face he wasn't born with a third arm).  I was really taken aback and got off the phone shortly thereafter.

What do you even do with this disturbing information? I don't even want to talk to her again but it's her baby and her life. I'm just really disappointed she lied multiple times to me about it and also disgusted she'd do that. Poor baby. How would you proceed? [/quote]

She lied because she was addicted to something she knew was bad, couldn't bring herself to admit that her efforts to kick the addiction had failed, and was worried about the stigma of being a nicotine addict. Now, she's come clean, and your response is anger and that you "don't even want to talk to her again," so I guess she was on the right track trying to hide her addiction from you, huh?

Look, she's no saint. No one who smokes today is, with all that we've known for so long about the dangers of smoking -- even setting aside pregnancy. Any smoker who gets pregnant should try to stop ASAP, because it's clear that there are serious risks to embryos from smoking.

But that's a prospective, prescriptive view. Now, though, your cousin's baby is born, so there's no sense in hand-wringing about how she didn't follow the prescription. The major known risks of smoking during pregnancy are low birthweight, preterm delivery, and low weight for gestational age. Not so much long term effects on the kid if the baby is healthy. So if cousin's baby is healthy, just be grateful that she got lucky, and be supportive of any further attempts to quit smoking around the kid.[/quote]

100% perfect response. [/quote]

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