MCPS class assignments

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would put things in writing - not a call - and use the terms bullying and concern about your kid's physical and psychological safety. This will put some pressure on the principal and will give you the record to escalate things, either before or after the school year starts.

What OP described isn’t bullying.

Some of what she described absolutely could be considered bullying. And OP wanted suggestions on how to approach things. Using certain "magic words" will help get the school's attention, in part because greater liability could attach if something happens down the road that the school was warned about and ignored.

I agree that this doesn’t rise to the level of bullying. And OP isn’t likely to get any great results if she accuses these girls of bullying. This will go in the girls’ permanent record. Once their families learn about that, it’s likely to get ugly.

The best chance of doing something for her daughter is through the 504 or IEP process. If there truly is a school refusal issue that can be remediate through a different class placement, the school is likely to work with OP on that.

The SN forum has lots of advice on how to proceed with getting an IEP or 504.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How many classes are there in her grade level? Even though she may not be with her best friends, she may not be with the girls who weren't inclusive last year.

OP
2 classes at 5th grade level

These are the issues with such small schools. The principal is correct about so many variables going into creating classes, especially when there are only two classes. It's not as easy as just moving one child from one class to the other, as that throws off the whole balance. You may find that your DD's friends are in the same class as the girls who weren't inclusive last year and your DD could be with kids who she didn't have any issues with last year. It is strange that you have already received class assignments--I've never heard of learning of class assignments this early. Maybe that's how it works in such a small school. Do they departmentalize in 5th grade at your school? I know in a lot of upper grades the homeroom are kind of in name only since they departmentalize and the kids switch rooms for most of the day and don't just stick with their homeroom groups.

[Anonymous]

I say this in the gentlest way possible:

It is possible that your DD’s friends’ parents have asked that they not be in the same class. At least three times during my teaching career, parents requested that I keep their daughter out of groups with a friend going through a rough time. It seems cruel, but was to protect the mental health of a daughter overwhelmed by the other girl’s emotional needs. I was sworn to keep that confident and it meant that I had to appear the bad guy in the eyes of the student who wanted to be with her friend. I imagine principals and guidance counselors face this much, much more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say this in the gentlest way possible:

It is possible that your DD’s friends’ parents have asked that they not be in the same class. At least three times during my teaching career, parents requested that I keep their daughter out of groups with a friend going through a rough time. It seems cruel, but was to protect the mental health of a daughter overwhelmed by the other girl’s emotional needs. I was sworn to keep that confident and it meant that I had to appear the bad guy in the eyes of the student who wanted to be with her friend. I imagine principals and guidance counselors face this much, much more.

Wow, i've never thought of that. But, with out me asking my DD's friend's mom texted me saying that she put in a request asking for same class as my DD, and she was surprised that they would not honor that.
Anyway, will look into all other options, otherwise, taking my DD out of this insensitive environment might be the best idea.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. With only two classes it seems like it would be easy to make it work out. Like others, I recommend putting things in writing and using the term bullying. I also like the idea of hosting a party.

Best of luck. Keep us updated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would put things in writing - not a call - and use the terms bullying and concern about your kid's physical and psychological safety. This will put some pressure on the principal and will give you the record to escalate things, either before or after the school year starts.

What OP described isn’t bullying.

Some of what she described absolutely could be considered bullying. And OP wanted suggestions on how to approach things. Using certain "magic words" will help get the school's attention, in part because greater liability could attach if something happens down the road that the school was warned about and ignored.

I agree that this doesn’t rise to the level of bullying. And OP isn’t likely to get any great results if she accuses these girls of bullying. This will go in the girls’ permanent record. Once their families learn about that, it’s likely to get ugly.

The best chance of doing something for her daughter is through the 504 or IEP process. If there truly is a school refusal issue that can be remediate through a different class placement, the school is likely to work with OP on that.

The SN forum has lots of advice on how to proceed with getting an IEP or 504.

If you don't think it is even bullying, nothing will go on anyone's permanent record because an accusation alone does not go on someone's record.

[Anonymous]

Even if she was put in the other class, don't they regroup for different classes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long story short - we have had a disastrous family incident last summer, and during the school year my daughter was put in a class where both of her really good friends were in a different section. We didnt request the school to help her as she thought she can try to make new friends. All year we struggled with making new friends as girls would not allow her to either sit with them or even play with them. it was brutal. I almost thought of home schooling her. we some how got through it all. In the Spring this year, we had put in a request to assign her to the same class as atleast one of her friends, and even her class teacher from 2017-18 school year put in a recommedation that she needs to be with her friends, so she can focus on her studies, instead of figuring out where, what and how each and every day. Her friend's parents put in a request to be assigned to the same class as our daughter.

Nope, this year, same situation. I called the principal, and he is adamant that it is important for a student to go out of their boxes, be more creative in making new friends, we cannot change the assignment, too many variables in assigning a class to a student etc. I totally understand that, and requested on a humanitarian grounds to think about it again, and I explained how difficult it was last year, and that we are hoping she will not be depressed again. No, he is not budging.

I am looking for some recommendations as to how to handle this situation. my daughter refuses to go to school this year. I'd really appreciate if any of you have any thoughts, recommendations etc.
we are in germantown/boyds area.

I'm sure this is tough for your DD, but this isn't bullying. You can't force people to be friends. Every girl in the class was like this? In a class of 20 something? Does your daughter have anxiety? I'm wondering how much of this is her perception, especially if she thinks it was every girl who was like this.

Claims of things like this being called bullying (especially when you know it's not *really* bullying but want to call it that to get your way) make it harder for victims of *actual* bullying. I'm sorry your daughter is going through a tough time. I hope you have considered counseling from a private therapist, as you have asserted that she was depressed.

[Anonymous]

As a teacher for young children, not allowing a child to sit or excluding a child from playing with a group is considered a form of bullying. If informal methods have been tried, I would recommend filing the MCPS Bullying and Harassment form to document your concerns in writing and to prompt closer investigation and follow up from your school.

Not knowing your child, it's hard to say whether or not your child has a disability impacting relationships and social interaction at school. Aspergers would be one for a school team to consider. If your child is perceived as different, social skills can be improved with proper coaching but likewise, classmates need to learn appropriate skills for including children with differences.

Asking for a IEP team meeting does not mean your child will be identified with a disability. It is a productive way to bring in different specialtists including a school psychologist to look at the whole child and situation. I would recommend asking for last year's teacher to be included based on her year-long experience with your child.

[Anonymous]

The principal can change the class assignment under extenuating circumstances (which your DDs situation definitely is). School hasn’t even started so it’s not hard to do. I know it happens at other MCPS schools because I have seen it firsthand. We even made the request for our own child for lesser reasons and it was honored and that principal was known to be inflexible. I would have a letter written by her therapist or pediatrician stressing that it is for your daughters psychological well-being.

The principal sounds unfit to lead a school if he can’t even get this right.

[Anonymous]

Excluding was included in the MCPS Anti-bullying training that was mandatory this summer. However, no one seems to be able to answer how to force children to socialize with a child they dislike. You can make them sit together, but it’s likely to build up even more resentment. I’ve had more success with brokering relationships between kids who are open to befriending others.

[Anonymous]

OP, I empathize with your situation.

We finished 5th Grade in a larger school last year, and the principal was likewise unresponsive when a friend's parents complained that the school was not following IEP reqs when friend was placed in a class where she had no friends. This resulted in behavioral issues and school refusal throughout the year, and was really a set back for the child. (Social skills were part of the IEP).

Because of that friend's experience, I would probably seek ways to go over the Principal's head to get the class assignment changed.

Seriously, they can put a late-registering student in the gap she makes in the other teacher's class. They can and should help you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say this in the gentlest way possible:

It is possible that your DD’s friends’ parents have asked that they not be in the same class. At least three times during my teaching career, parents requested that I keep their daughter out of groups with a friend going through a rough time. It seems cruel, but was to protect the mental health of a daughter overwhelmed by the other girl’s emotional needs. I was sworn to keep that confident and it meant that I had to appear the bad guy in the eyes of the student who wanted to be with her friend. I imagine principals and guidance counselors face this much, much more.

That could be the situation. But, if its not... OP, as a teacher who has seen this happen, go ahead and be a PITA. Keep going to the principal and go above him if you're not getting results. I've seen parents get some ridiculous accommodations (not in the IEP sense, though) just because they didn't let it go. If you think it's that vital that your DD be in the other class, don't be afraid to be "that parent." I've seen parents get their child moved out of a class because there were "too many Hispanic kids." I've seen a parent get her upper elementary twins into the same class because it was easier for her. I've seen parents demand that their child not have a particular teacher, and get what they wanted. It can happen. It does depend on the principal but if you're willing to die on this hill, it can be done.

[Anonymous]

Make a stink. Email your PTA president. Email the counselor.

Write about psychological bullying. Write to the Superintendent. Use the word "Bullying". Let them know how horrible the school year was for your child.

Email, written trail. Escalate and keep on escalating.

This is an easy fix before school opens. The Principal is a prick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Excluding was included in the MCPS Anti-bullying training that was mandatory this summer. However, no one seems to be able to answer how to force children to socialize with a child they dislike. You can make them sit together, but it’s likely to build up even more resentment. I’ve had more success with brokering relationships between kids who are open to befriending others.

Our school counselor has been a helpful resource to teachers at our school. Typically, there is a ring leader that other children follow. She would have lunch bunch sessions to uncover why the leader was acting out against another child. Often, there was nothing in particular to dislike about the other child. It was a power struggle and insecurity of the leader.