Need to leave, can’t stomach it

[Anonymous]

It ultimately is up to the judge. What's best for the children will be decided. If her STBX has anger issues etc. that can work against him in court.

OP I think this is probably the best time versus if your kids were smaller. That's when they can't communicate if there's something amiss going on in the other home. Why wait?

[Anonymous]

the issue is not "when is the least worst time to split up' from the kid's perspective. It is that you would be, you fear, unleashing a torrent of instability, anger, and ugliness that would scar them, possibly for the long term.

I guess, barring some change in him, you should do what a PP suggested. Start methodically and carefully planning for your future. Pour the money into college funds and trusts but definitely do so with a lawyer because trusts are not always exempt from being considered as marital asset in a divorce. what else can you do? surround your kids with loving, strong adults outside of you, family or friends who can be there for them if/when things are bad. document anything violent, manipulative or abusive. Do you have a therapist? how do you manage the day to day?