Tell me about your Mr. Big

[Anonymous]

Oh, please.

I'm not a doormat and I value myself, so I don't have a "Mr. Big." When I was dating, if someone doesn't want to be with me in a comitted relationship, that was fine, I kept it moving. I don't like drama in real life; just on the small screen and the big screen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your involvement with him prevent you from being open to available men and real relationships?

OP here. No. I’ve been married and divorced in the time I’ve known him. I’m not holding out for him.

[Anonymous]

I've been with my husband for a decade, so it's been a while. But I dated one or two men who probably fall into the Mr. Big category. They're exciting to be around, but the reality is that they truly believe they are more important than you. You're an amusement. They may even genuinely wish you well and express sympathy if you're going through a difficult time. But they only make room for you if it's convenient for them, and they get bored easily.

Ultimately, it's fine to keep in touch with these types of men, but don't let it be more than just checking in and being cordial. You'll either get hurt b/c you're so attached, or it will destroy your self-esteem because you'll truly start to believe you are lucky for the time he gives you, that his life and his work and everything about him is bigger and more important than your life. Even if you say that won't/can't happen, it does. It's subtle and you don't notice it.

[Anonymous]

^^^Put another way, these are men with attachment disorders.

But unlike most guys with attachment disorders, the "Mr. Bigs" channel their extra time and energy into successful business careers, which gives them the facade of being exciting and the excuse to not attach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He grew on me as I got to know him better. Weird circumstances spanning over a decade. I seriously wonder what’s wrong with me - how did I fall so hard for a Mr. Unavailable.

When I initially met him, instant attraction but I knew he was bad news. Oddly, he reappeared in my life years later. Attraction still there. Still bad news, but I did it anyway. My twenties self is kicking my forties self for acts of colossal stupidity.

Because falling for Mr Unavailable allows you to construct the fantasy of a perfect relationship "but for" this one small thing. And it appears you believe in the fallacious myth of "the one".

We decide to allow ourselves to fall in love with people - to give that person the space and time to bond, to look at their good qualities not bad, etc. We also have the power to take ourselves out of love - which is easier if you haven't fallen for the myth of "the one".

The truth is there are many people in the world to fall in love with. You should be in therapy asking yourself why you have fallen for someone who gives you so little.

Wow OP is an adult ...you talk to her like she is a child. No wonder no one listens to you.

[Anonymous]

My first post-divorce fling. He was 15 years older, UMC white, didn’t like kids so it was easy to stay detached since I knew there was no future. A couple months and I was over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He grew on me as I got to know him better. Weird circumstances spanning over a decade. I seriously wonder what’s wrong with me - how did I fall so hard for a Mr. Unavailable.

When I initially met him, instant attraction but I knew he was bad news. Oddly, he reappeared in my life years later. Attraction still there. Still bad news, but I did it anyway. My twenties self is kicking my forties self for acts of colossal stupidity.

Because falling for Mr Unavailable allows you to construct the fantasy of a perfect relationship "but for" this one small thing. And it appears you believe in the fallacious myth of "the one".

We decide to allow ourselves to fall in love with people - to give that person the space and time to bond, to look at their good qualities not bad, etc. We also have the power to take ourselves out of love - which is easier if you haven't fallen for the myth of "the one".

The truth is there are many people in the world to fall in love with. You should be in therapy asking yourself why you have fallen for someone who gives you so little.

OP didn’t say she was in love, she’s just having fun and is aware that the relationship is a dead end. I don’t see anything wrong eith this as long as she knows what she’s doing.

Wow OP is an adult ...you talk to her like she is a child. No wonder no one listens to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He grew on me as I got to know him better. Weird circumstances spanning over a decade. I seriously wonder what’s wrong with me - how did I fall so hard for a Mr. Unavailable.

When I initially met him, instant attraction but I knew he was bad news. Oddly, he reappeared in my life years later. Attraction still there. Still bad news, but I did it anyway. My twenties self is kicking my forties self for acts of colossal stupidity.

Because falling for Mr Unavailable allows you to construct the fantasy of a perfect relationship "but for" this one small thing. And it appears you believe in the fallacious myth of "the one".

We decide to allow ourselves to fall in love with people - to give that person the space and time to bond, to look at their good qualities not bad, etc. We also have the power to take ourselves out of love - which is easier if you haven't fallen for the myth of "the one".

The truth is there are many people in the world to fall in love with. You should be in therapy asking yourself why you have fallen for someone who gives you so little.

OP didn’t say she was in love, she’s just having fun and is aware that the relationship is a dead end. I don’t see anything wrong eith this as long as she knows what she’s doing.

Wow OP is an adult ...you talk to her like she is a child. No wonder no one listens to you.

Didn’t mean to post above PP.

[Anonymous]

So funny watching grown women make life choices based on an unrealistic TV show

Here's free advice.. doesn't end like the show in real life

[Anonymous]

The "B" in FWB stands for benefits, not big.

Hate to break it to you OP but you are just another "port" in his travels. He has them in many places and says the same things to each one. He thinks about you when he is coming to town or your city gets mentioned. Other than that, he's thinking about someone else. I know because I spent 8 years as him. I grew weary of the lifestyle and settled down. It was fun but my ego grew too big and I became someone I didn't like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^Put another way, these are men with attachment disorders.

But unlike most guys with attachment disorders, the "Mr. Bigs" channel their extra time and energy into successful business careers, which gives them the facade of being exciting and the excuse to not attach.

OP here, and this is completely spot on. Part of what I enjoy about my friendship with him is that we are candid about our hang ups - he readily admits (and his actions display) that he easily feels “trapped” in relationships, which is why he seldom has long-term, monogamous relationships. He absolutely channels his energy into his career and could probably be classified as a workaholic. He’s a multi-millionaire at forty.

But I don’t really care. I know we’re never going to be together, but I so enjoy his company and our time together. He offers me valuable advice as it relates to my career, and is always available to listen. He’s a friend, first and foremost, and I value his friendship.

[Anonymous]

So pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So pathetic.

Why? Are you one of these “dating for marriage” people? That’s pretty pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So pathetic.

Why? Are you one of these “dating for marriage” people? That’s pretty pathetic.

[Anonymous]

When I was 25 I had a year fling with a Mr. Big who was in his early 40's and a global hopping deal maker. Today he is still a single global hopping deal maker and I've been happily married for over 20 years to a wonderful, successful guy. He is so much better than Mr. Big.