Adopted brother contacted by birth family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have no role in this.

Yes she does. Her role isn't to be the supportive loving sister she has always been. It is his right to control the narrative, but I would like to think that these people, if they embrace him will also embrace those who love him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They are strangers. They share DNA, that is all.

Or they may not. This could be a scam, or a website trolled by scammers. It's possible.

They aren't strangers and there was a DNA test. You don't understand adoption.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have no role in this.

PP, you are being harsh. Surely, supporting her brother is her business.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who ended up very close with her birth family after they entered her life in her thirties.

The circumstances of why she was given up made some sense, and she grew up in a loving home. Maybe that helped make it easier to embrace each other.

In any event, at this point she is pretty much a member of their family, as well as the family of those who raise daughters her. Happy story all around.

[Anonymous]

My much-younger brother is navigating this. It’s been tough. A lot of the facts are pretty hurtful for him (bio dad in jail, grandmother who actually opposed the adoption died before he got a chance to meet her). It’s been pretty disruptive.

[Anonymous]

I am a mid thirties. Adopted at birth, wonderful and amazingly supportive parents. Never felt I was lacking for any family relationships on the parent front, did however long for siblings. Parents told me an almost unbelievable story at age 18 about my birth parents nd I moved on. Eventually last Oct I decided to take the one of the DNA tests just out of genuine curiosity and knowing I was opening Pandora’s box. Within the first week I knew who my (both deceased) birth parents were. Learned I had 5 much older half siblings from birthfather, have varied relationships with all of them from day one. Some were eager to bring me into their family, some were not. About two weeks after initial results a new very close sibling match came up with an ethnic name that didn’t match any of the main players. I nervously messaged and found out I had a younger brother that was born just over 2 years after me. We talk nearly every day. Have met up quite a few times with our spouses and young children since then. I was raised an only child. He was raised with people that he never really connected with. He felt like an outsider from Day 1. I will say though, if he has a sibling that he was raised with and was extremely close to I would want them in my life too. I would consider them family, 100%. He had a life before me and I want to be part of that. I applaud you OP for wanting to be part of it. So many people want to erase an adoptees past and forget anything about the nature that brought them into this world. Thank you for being so supportive. My mother is deceased, my dad is very supportive but he doesn’t believe in nature playing a role in my identity. He has met the younger brother and it was very strange for him I think. A sibling was the one thing my amazing parents were unable to give me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My much-younger brother is navigating this. It’s been tough. A lot of the facts are pretty hurtful for him (bio dad in jail, grandmother who actually opposed the adoption died before he got a chance to meet her). It’s been pretty disruptive.

Unfortunately this situation is true for many young people who make contact with their birth families. The Cinderella stories are few and far between. OP is very correct in wanting to stand by her brother and help him traverse this potentially rocky road. OP's brother would be well-served to have a trusted adult or professional (family therapist, attorney, LCSW) help him in addition to the love and support of OP and his mother.

I am sorry that your brother is struggling, PP, and I hope it gets better for him. You sound like a wonderful and caring sibling, and he is blessed to have you.