Husband is constantly morose, always complaining about something

[Anonymous]

OP here. Well, I just tried to talk to him and it turned into another argument. I said I recognized that he was making some progress with his therapy, but I was concerned about whether his therapist was helping him to frame his life in a more positive light. He told me that that's not what this therapist is about, and that the therapist believes people are depressed because they force themselves to repress things. I suggested that he try Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and he said that while he was open to trying that, he really didn't like that it seemed I was trying to tell him what to do as opposed to working with him to help him.

Aaaaagh! I am so so danged frustrated right now!

[Anonymous]

I would ask for a separation so he can get help and put you in a better place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does his psychiatrist say about this? Seriously medication-resistant depression is quite effectively treated with ECT; has anyone recommended it?

I don't know what the psychiatrist's definition of success is. I guess as long as he's not having panic attacks and is able to be a productive member of society, then I guess they think the meds are working. My husband is an Eeyore who complains all the time and sees the negative in every situation, but I don't know if this counts as bad enough for them to even consider something like ECT. Isn't that for pretty severe depression?

[Anonymous]

I am your husband right now. Depression is a total waste of life, it is awful, and debilitating. I'm sure he feels shitty that his life is so unbalanced right now.

I don't have the answer but I continue to search. What I am going to experiment with now is

1) Heavy Lifting = endorphins. at the minimum, get him a fitbit and have him walk 10k steps a day.

2) cut out the sugar (it is causing inflammation to the brain)

3) tale supplements Heard Magnesium mentioned so many times... B12... fish oil... Deplin helps SSRis work better... everyone is suggesting CBD as well)

4) creative / music / art therapy (even paint by number)… what extracurriculars excited him as a kid?

5) giving back - I'm sure this will be the most important thing, but service is probably the best medicine. I'll get there.

6) have him tested for a genetic MTHFR mutation. I have it, still not sure how to work around it.

Good luck. This is why I'm single - wouldn't want to be a burden to a SO or any DCs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
This was my DH 10 years ago.
DIG IN YOUR HEELS. How is he a good father if he's like this???

My DH is currently non-functioning and about to go on permanent disability. His refusal to get help back then and actively participate in his own recovery, that is CHOOSING to be better, has caught up with him. He has deteriorated irreparably. Depression physically causes brain damage. He will only get worse with time, OP. Trust me on this and do some research about it.

DIG IN YOUR HEELS. He changes or you're out. There is no other option.

This is a good warning. I am really sorry about how things turned out for your DH. I am going to continue to insist my husband work harder on his issues. He has to be the one responsible for his own happiness. I am no longer going to be the sounding board for his complaining if he's not going to do anything about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am your husband right now. Depression is a total waste of life, it is awful, and debilitating. I'm sure he feels shitty that his life is so unbalanced right now.

I don't have the answer but I continue to search. What I am going to experiment with now is

1) Heavy Lifting = endorphins. at the minimum, get him a fitbit and have him walk 10k steps a day.

2) cut out the sugar (it is causing inflammation to the brain)

3) tale supplements Heard Magnesium mentioned so many times... B12... fish oil... Deplin helps SSRis work better... everyone is suggesting CBD as well)

4) creative / music / art therapy (even paint by number)… what extracurriculars excited him as a kid?

5) giving back - I'm sure this will be the most important thing, but service is probably the best medicine. I'll get there.

6) have him tested for a genetic MTHFR mutation. I have it, still not sure how to work around it.

Good luck. This is why I'm single - wouldn't want to be a burden to a SO or any DCs.

Good luck to you, PP. Depression sucks. It sounds like you're going a lot of great things to fight it. I have never heard about this mutation, but I suspect my husband's predisposition was inherited too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does his psychiatrist say about this? Seriously medication-resistant depression is quite effectively treated with ECT; has anyone recommended it?

I don't know what the psychiatrist's definition of success is. I guess as long as he's not having panic attacks and is able to be a productive member of society, then I guess they think the meds are working. My husband is an Eeyore who complains all the time and sees the negative in every situation, but I don't know if this counts as bad enough for them to even consider something like ECT. Isn't that for pretty severe depression?

It’s for depression that doesn’t respond to treatment. Your husband may have a lot of meds to go before it’s recommended, but your quality of life with him in his current headspace is unacceptable, so make some noise about it. Have you ever seen a marriage counselor?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he has an anxiety disorder. It's easy to see the glass half empty, be stuck in the past, or fearful about the future. You personally can't change how his brain works or his personality. You can question whether what he says is really true. Were his parents really that bad? Does he have any happy memories of his childhood? Learn about CBT yourself. He might need a vacation, a hobby, exercise, better sleep, meditation, writing in a journal, or time outdoors. It seems like you are more outgoing than he is. If he's less social and introverted, then that's just a difference you can't do anything about. Also it sounds like your irritation is because you are worried about him. Stop worrying. Detach a little bit. Do your own thing.