What does DH do to make you feel special?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have either or both of you gained weight? Let yourselves go? Do you do things outside of your relationship?

I would look at it differently than expecting him to make you feel special. Put more effort in the gym and your looks, assuming you don’t already. Get dressed up. Buy sexy lingerie. Get your nails and hair done. If you already do all of those things, go another route. Do physical activity together. Go hiking and enjoy nature together.

OP here. I have gained about 20 lbs but am a size 8-10 so not fat, just not tiny. He has lost weight (was bulky from lifting when we met, quite skinny now). I admittedly don’t put a lot into my appearance, but it’s gotten this way because even when I go all out (I.e. for a formal wedding) he doesn’t say anything or seem to notice[u].

Yes, this is frustrating, isn't it? Have the same situation. DH doesn't care about lingerie, sexy clothing. But...do you OP? How about you make an effort for you to feel sexy?

That said, I think you need to talk about this with your DH ... not that you don't feel special (that might make him defensive), but that you feel you are in a rut, and while he is your best friend, you feel like you've been friend zoned. And have SPECIFICS that you want from him.

1) I want weekly date nights -- But OP, if he isn't a planner, you have to plan them and not get pissy about it. Because he's not going to do it.
2) I want you to text me sexy things once in a while (once a week?)
3) I want sex weekly. (Schedule it if you have to!)

What actually will make you feel special, OP?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you two aren’t in love. I definitely wouldn’t have children with him,op. My kids are 10 and 8 and SO many of my friends with the same age kids are getting divorced right now. Having kids won’t make it better. I suggest counseling or you get out and find someone better for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are sort of in a rut. But he makes sure coffee is ready for us in the morning. I told him how nice it was to wake up and have it made before I leave for work.

He buys me chocolate bars if I ask him to if he’s going to the store, maybe once a month.

He makes me breakfast on the weekend mornings if I’m hungry and want more than yogurt.

He buys me flowers on Valentine’s Day. I actually don’t care about this, but he thinks I do so it’s nice.

Mine does little things like this. He’s certainly not over the top romantic, but like this PP, if he makes food or stops for a snack or something, he’ll make me some. He’ll pick me up my favorite candy bar if he stops somewhere that carries it. He’ll take my car in a weekend morning and wash it and detail the inside without me asking.

You need to address this now. I was married once before and it felt like you described. It sounds silly but the sex was a big part of it. We fell into the “once every few weeks” things and that was like a death knell. And XH wasn’t affectionate outside of those far between sex days—no hand holding or much kissing, etc. People on this board, especially women, try to discount the sex aspect of marriage but he truth is, you marry someone because of that. If you didn’t, you’d marry your best friend or favorite roommate. Sex is essential to a successful marriage.

[Anonymous]

He makes coffee and brings it to me in bed on the weekends (to be fair, I was very clear with him about how much I appreciate this!). He cooks dinner and leaves it for me when I work late. A few nights ago I got home earlier than expected and he had already eaten but was in the process of cooking my dinner before he went to bed which was pretty cute. He gets me flowers randomly when he passes a farmer's market. But honestly, I've been over the top in my appreciation when he does these things so he very clearly knows that I like it and expect him to continue doing it. In my experience you have to be very direct about what you want with men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have either or both of you gained weight? Let yourselves go? Do you do things outside of your relationship?

I would look at it differently than expecting him to make you feel special. Put more effort in the gym and your looks, assuming you don’t already. Get dressed up. Buy sexy lingerie. Get your nails and hair done. If you already do all of those things, go another route. Do physical activity together. Go hiking and enjoy nature together.

OP here. I have gained about 20 lbs but am a size 8-10 so not fat, just not tiny. He has lost weight (was bulky from lifting when we met, quite skinny now). I admittedly don’t put a lot into my appearance, but it’s gotten this way because even when I go all out (I.e. for a formal wedding) he doesn’t say anything or seem to notice[u].

Yes, this is frustrating, isn't it? Have the same situation. DH doesn't care about lingerie, sexy clothing. But...do you OP? How about you make an effort for you to feel sexy?

That said, I think you need to talk about this with your DH ... not that you don't feel special (that might make him defensive), but that you feel you are in a rut, and while he is your best friend, you feel like you've been friend zoned. And have SPECIFICS that you want from him.

1) I want weekly date nights -- But OP, if he isn't a planner, you have to plan them and not get pissy about it. Because he's not going to do it.
2) I want you to text me sexy things once in a while (once a week?)
3) I want sex weekly. (Schedule it if you have to!)

What actually will make you feel special, OP?

Yes, this is what I was trying to get to when asking OP about weight. It’s about how you feel and you can’t expect DH to know what makes you feel special. I agree with PP about planning. Sometimes you just have to take charge.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry you are going through this. Maybe consider having a discussion with your husband regarding your feelings and the marriage. I read a good brief article that discussed what may be occurring in marriages when the romance has stopped. [https://bit.ly/2KV9AQF]. Wishing you the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He makes coffee and brings it to me in bed on the weekends (to be fair, I was very clear with him about how much I appreciate this!). He cooks dinner and leaves it for me when I work late. A few nights ago I got home earlier than expected and he had already eaten but was in the process of cooking my dinner before he went to bed which was pretty cute. He gets me flowers randomly when he passes a farmer's market. But honestly, I've been over the top in my appreciation when he does these things so he very clearly knows that I like it and expect him to continue doing it. In my experience you have to be very direct about what you want with men.

I want you to appreciate what you have. You seem to be patting yourself on the back for training him, but many of us have given the positive feedback and verbalized our wants clearly, to no avail. Yes, I'm envious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Today he supported/encouraged me to get a pedicure that I wanted to get. I haven’t gone to a nail salon in no less than 3 years.

We have no budget for it, and it meant the whole evening was his with the kids. Still, he didn’t make me feel bad, he got a salon recommendation from some of his coworkers, seemed to love that I needed to go take care of myself.

NP. Very sweet.