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Feeling old, overwhelmed, sad, and frustrated...
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Anonymous
| I'm sorry about what you are going through. Sending hugs. |
Anonymous
| OP here. Thank you to everyone that responded to my post. I'm sorry that it took me awhile to write back. Thank you for all of the support and advice. DH is a huge help and really pitches in a LOT. I just think it's that between both of us working full-time (and not out of the house, I must not have been clear in my original email), and life with a very active 3-year-old, and my Mom literally dying of terminal cancer and being pregnant - well, I'm stressed out. But I just need to take it one day at a time... |
zumbamama
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More hugs to you OP, so many life changes going on at once...don't forget to breathe and take time for you. I went through the same thing when I was pregnant with #2, working and losing my best friend to cancer. It was the TOUGH...but you will get through it. Take time for you and stay strong.
Is it possible to take time off and spend time with your mom? |
Anonymous
| I'm so sorry, OP. Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in feeling overwhelmed and sad; it sounds like many can relate. My father has been ill and his illness has been very stressful. I am also caught in that "sandwich" generation issue--taking care of parents and kids at once. I am tired all the time, crying a lot, unable to concentrate on work. It's very, very hard, and I am sending you my best wishes. I'm glad your DH is helpful and supportive. God bless you. *hugs* |
Anonymous
| another commiserator: single mom, when my son was 1 month old was told my dad's cancer was terminal, he died six months later, had to take care of my mom who had no idea how to manage any of he bills, etc., one year later my sister was diagnosed with cancer and she passed away soon thereafter. i agree that life stands still...and it just changes your world for your parents to die. i have to say the one thing i thought was helpful in a certain way (and overwhelming in another)...despite the exhaustion, the immediacy of your children's needs forces you to just be there in the present for them. in a way, i think it got me through the deep sorrow of the deaths to have to take care of my son. |
Anonymous
| OP again. PP and others - so sorry to hear that other folks have been through similar situations. Hugs all around. I guess it shows us how strong we can be... |
Anonymous
This has been my experience as well. My children have brought so much joy to my parents and me as my parents near death. At the very least, it gives us something to talk about. I send my parents photos, daily email updates and drawings by my kids. It's amazing how much emotional energy gets taken over by having sick parents. I have learned to let other things go and to say no to more responsibilities, to step back from the rest of the world and give all my energy to my family (as long as it's healthy for me - at times I have to take a break from my sick parents). |
Anonymous
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OP - I cannot remotely relate to the stress of your situation. I just wanted to say that I have only one child and I SAH and I STILL can't understand how people do it!! At least once I week I have a small breakdown to my husband about the endless house chores, how we never have anytime either alone-alone or alone with each other! We both want at least one more child, but I worry about my sanity.
We also have no help in the area!! I look at FT working friends with 3 kids and think - OMG how do they manage?!?! Better than me it seems sometimes!! |
Anonymous
Oh, my God. I cannot even imagine what you have been through. You must be very strong and will no doubt be your son's hero and inspiration. I posted earlier about my ill father. I have a few friends who have lost their fathers to illness in the past few years, one specifically to the illness my father has. I want so badly to reach out to them for support, but I am afraid that doing so will cause them pain and bring even closer to the surface the pain and sadness they have endured. *hugs* to you and OP. |
Anonymous
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I'm so sorry. Big hugs. What you're going through would make anyone feel overwhelmed, sad and frustrated. Please don't be too hard on yourself.
We have an 11 month old, and I'm pregnant with the second child. Both DH and I work full time, I have long commute. We're totally exhausted-demanding jobs, then home life-laundry, dinner, cleaning the house, etc... Sometimes I feel so guilty for not having the energy to play with DC as much as I think I should. If one of my parents were terminally ill on top of all this, I would also feel totally overwhelmed. |
Anonymous
| I'm so sorry to read what OP and so many others are going through. OP, would it be possible to look into taking some time off to spend with your mother? Depending on where you work and the policies, you may be able to use FMLA or similar leave if you think that would be beneficial, though of course that could be hard with other family obligations. I'll be praying for you. |
Anonymous
| OP again. I did hire some cleaning help and it made a huge difference. I visited my Mom and that was an incredibly hard trip. It is almost as though someone pushed her off of a cliff in the past 10 days because she want from being very coherent on the phone and sounding rather good at times to not reacting much when I went to visit and we ended up getting hospice involved. They think she has about a month left at the most, so she won't be around to see the baby arrive in the Spring. So many emotions, etc... Similar to the post about calling your Mom and telling her you love her... try to love the family you have and let them know it! |
Anonymous
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OP, I am sure most of the posts have said what I will say (I haven't finished reading yet), but wanted to add that I am sorry about your mom, and to thank you for your post! What you have described is what I feel most days, or if I don't feel it, I am afraid of feeling it soon. Thank you for putting it into words, and you are not alone!!
When I feel that way, I always remember a piece I saw on TV - an interview with this woman who was a top executive at a company like Pepsi or something like that, then quit to take care of her kids, then went back to work. She said people always questioned her choices, but she just always knew that no woman can do it all, and do it well - it is a myth, and women should not expect that of themselves. I agree and always tell myself this. Today I have a long work-day, so the house will be even messier than usual. Or tomorrow I really want to spend more time playing with my daughter, so I won't get around to cooking. Something will have to give, and that is OK. I am 34, have a 2.5 year old, and we are trying for a second, although by the frequency of our "trying" it might be a while. We are both too tired from our full-time jobs and long commutes (over an hour for me, a bit less than an hour for him), our schedules are different, and we just have too much going on. My father's business is close to bankruptcy and it is very likely we will need to support them, so we need to keep working and try to save. We have regular jobs, expensive daycare, and an upside-down mortgage due to our hourse losing value over the last year. Most days I stress about everything - work, what to have for dinner, how I will find the energy to play with my daughter, etc. Once in a while I see the light and tell myself - if I don't stop worrying and enjoy these little everyday moments, my live will go by in a blur of anxiety! I need to stop, accept that what I have is more than most people in the world have, and deal! I have been telling myself this ever since my daughter was born and I had to go back to work after maternity leave, and once in a while this actually works 
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Anonymous
| OP, hugs to you. One day at a time, just like you said. Come here and vent anytime. |
Anonymous
| OP again. Thanks for so many kind responses! I may be checking back here for support as needed! |