Saying no to an invitation too dance at a MS dance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, it's your right to say no whenever you want. That's pretty much a given.

However, I get your friends' point that children it DOES take courage to ask someone to dance and kids should recognize that too.

THIS, x100.

I, too, agree that everyone has the "right" to say no, at any time, to anything. However, I think at least during middle school, it would be a kindness to simply say yes to an invitation to dance. Those of you trying to equate it to saying yes to sex are being ridiculous. It's just common courtesy to accept an offer to dance, regardless of who's doing the asking. And it does take a tremendous amount of courage at the age of 12 or 13 to ask someone to dance. Accepting doesn't mean anything, other than you're agreeing to a 3 min. dance, as another PP said.

And for those of you who disagree, I encourage you to prepare your own child for rejection and not to whine when he or she comes home mortified that his or her invitation was declined - in front of all of their friends.

Or we could teach our kids to say no kindly and politely AND not to be "mortified" if someone kindly and politely says no to them.

It does take courage to ask. That doesn't mean they should be rewarded with a yes. Just be respectful: no rolling eyes, no giggling at them with friends, just a kind, clear "No thanks."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" I really, really hope that these weren't women who believe this although I suspect it is. You teach your children to be polite if they are going to reject someone, you don't teach them that they should disregard their feelings because someone else's are more important."

Wow, just wow. The second part of this is exactly correct.

The first part, wow. Why did you need to add this?

Who cares who stated the bad idea? And doubly who cares what you suspect...

I'll tell you why it matters. Because we Women (don't know if you're one) have traditionally been brought up to be more concerned with other people's things than what we want. And I hope that modern women aren't doing that to their daughters. I am shocked you would find that such a difficult concept!

DP. I hope you're preparing your daughter for the embarrassment of rejection, should she ever be brave enough to ask a boy to dance, or invite a boy to a school dance. Because obviously, boys should be equally able to say no to someone they don't want to dance with. Right?

Of course girls should be prepared for rejection! A boy shouldn't feel any more obligated to go than a girl.

Really having difficulty understanding your point, if you have one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" I really, really hope that these weren't women who believe this although I suspect it is. You teach your children to be polite if they are going to reject someone, you don't teach them that they should disregard their feelings because someone else's are more important."

Wow, just wow. The second part of this is exactly correct.

The first part, wow. Why did you need to add this?

Who cares who stated the bad idea? And doubly who cares what you suspect...

I'll tell you why it matters. Because we Women (don't know if you're one) have traditionally been brought up to be more concerned with other people's things than what we want. And I hope that modern women aren't doing that to their daughters. I am shocked you would find that such a difficult concept!

DP. I hope you're preparing your daughter for the embarrassment of rejection, should she ever be brave enough to ask a boy to dance, or invite a boy to a school dance. Because obviously, boys should be equally able to say no to someone they don't want to dance with. Right?

Of course girls should be prepared for rejection! A boy shouldn't feel any more obligated to go than a girl.

Really having difficulty understanding your point, if you have one.

I do believe the point was that these threads usually devolve into some posters insisting girls can say no to things like this (dances, etc.), but that it would be rude for the boy to do the same. The point is that either gender should be allowed to *politely* decline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Maybe later" or "maybe another time" is a soft no but it depends on how persistent the asker might be.

Also why aren't girls asking boys to dance?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, people?

Liston, PP, your perceptions are stuck in the olden days. I have a middle school daughter and a high school son and I can ASSURE you that girls these days have no problems asking boys for whatever they want. Girls are wayyyyy more aggressive and outgoing than boys these days. In fact its pretty obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" I really, really hope that these weren't women who believe this although I suspect it is. You teach your children to be polite if they are going to reject someone, you don't teach them that they should disregard their feelings because someone else's are more important."

Wow, just wow. The second part of this is exactly correct.

The first part, wow. Why did you need to add this?

Who cares who stated the bad idea? And doubly who cares what you suspect...

I'll tell you why it matters. Because we Women (don't know if you're one) have traditionally been brought up to be more concerned with other people's things than what we want. And I hope that modern women aren't doing that to their daughters. I am shocked you would find that such a difficult concept!

DP. I hope you're preparing your daughter for the embarrassment of rejection, should she ever be brave enough to ask a boy to dance, or invite a boy to a school dance. Because obviously, boys should be equally able to say no to someone they don't want to dance with. Right?

Of course girls should be prepared for rejection! A boy shouldn't feel any more obligated to go than a girl.

Really having difficulty understanding your point, if you have one.

I do believe the point was that these threads usually devolve into some posters insisting girls can say no to things like this (dances, etc.), but that it would be rude for the boy to do the same. The point is that either gender should be allowed to *politely* decline.

No one has said otherwise.

No one is OWED a dance. Sure, it would be nice. But, we are talking real life here. Where when kids dance with each other, other kids notice and talk. It takes courage to ask. It takes courage to agree. Sometimes both are lacking in 12 and 13 year old kids. And that's ok so long as you are kind about saying no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" I really, really hope that these weren't women who believe this although I suspect it is. You teach your children to be polite if they are going to reject someone, you don't teach them that they should disregard their feelings because someone else's are more important."

Wow, just wow. The second part of this is exactly correct.

The first part, wow. Why did you need to add this?

Who cares who stated the bad idea? And doubly who cares what you suspect...

I'll tell you why it matters. Because we Women (don't know if you're one) have traditionally been brought up to be more concerned with other people's things than what we want. And I hope that modern women aren't doing that to their daughters. I am shocked you would find that such a difficult concept!

DP. I hope you're preparing your daughter for the embarrassment of rejection, should she ever be brave enough to ask a boy to dance, or invite a boy to a school dance. Because obviously, boys should be equally able to say no to someone they don't want to dance with. Right?

Of course girls should be prepared for rejection! A boy shouldn't feel any more obligated to go than a girl.

Really having difficulty understanding your point, if you have one.

I do believe the point was that these threads usually devolve into some posters insisting girls can say no to things like this (dances, etc.), but that it would be rude for the boy to do the same. The point is that either gender should be allowed to *politely* decline.

Usually devolve to this? Um, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

DP. I hope you're preparing your daughter for the embarrassment of rejection, should she ever be brave enough to ask a boy to dance, or invite a boy to a school dance. Because obviously, boys should be equally able to say no to someone they don't want to dance with. Right?

Right. Obviously! Why would it be ok for girls to say no but not be ok for boys to say no? Who would think that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Maybe later" or "maybe another time" is a soft no but it depends on how persistent the asker might be.

Also why aren't girls asking boys to dance?

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, people?

Liston, PP, your perceptions are stuck in the olden days. I have a middle school daughter and a high school son and I can ASSURE you that girls these days have no problems asking boys for whatever they want. Girls are wayyyyy more aggressive and outgoing than boys these days. In fact its pretty obnoxious.

+100
Girls are very often the aggressors these days. It’s not fun to be a guy who’s not interested in an aggressive girl, because the girls often start malicious rumors in retaliation. Things like, “oh, he’s obviously gay,” etc. to save face. Really cruel and if a boy treated a girl this way, they’d be called a monster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" I really, really hope that these weren't women who believe this although I suspect it is. You teach your children to be polite if they are going to reject someone, you don't teach them that they should disregard their feelings because someone else's are more important."

Wow, just wow. The second part of this is exactly correct.

The first part, wow. Why did you need to add this?

Who cares who stated the bad idea? And doubly who cares what you suspect...

I'll tell you why it matters. Because we Women (don't know if you're one) have traditionally been brought up to be more concerned with other people's things than what we want. And I hope that modern women aren't doing that to their daughters. I am shocked you would find that such a difficult concept!

DP. I hope you're preparing your daughter for the embarrassment of rejection, should she ever be brave enough to ask a boy to dance, or invite a boy to a school dance. Because obviously, boys should be equally able to say no to someone they don't want to dance with. Right?

Of course girls should be prepared for rejection! A boy shouldn't feel any more obligated to go than a girl.

Really having difficulty understanding your point, if you have one.

I do believe the point was that these threads usually devolve into some posters insisting girls can say no to things like this (dances, etc.), but that it would be rude for the boy to do the same. The point is that either gender should be allowed to *politely* decline.

Usually devolve to this? Um, no.

DP, but actually, yes. This happens all the time on DCUM. Maybe you’re new here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" I really, really hope that these weren't women who believe this although I suspect it is. You teach your children to be polite if they are going to reject someone, you don't teach them that they should disregard their feelings because someone else's are more important."

Wow, just wow. The second part of this is exactly correct.

The first part, wow. Why did you need to add this?

Who cares who stated the bad idea? And doubly who cares what you suspect...

I'll tell you why it matters. Because we Women (don't know if you're one) have traditionally been brought up to be more concerned with other people's things than what we want. And I hope that modern women aren't doing that to their daughters. I am shocked you would find that such a difficult concept!

Isn't that really what all manners are about though?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:" I really, really hope that these weren't women who believe this although I suspect it is. You teach your children to be polite if they are going to reject someone, you don't teach them that they should disregard their feelings because someone else's are more important."

Wow, just wow. The second part of this is exactly correct.

The first part, wow. Why did you need to add this?

Who cares who stated the bad idea? And doubly who cares what you suspect...

Why does it matter if they are women or men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" I really, really hope that these weren't women who believe this although I suspect it is. You teach your children to be polite if they are going to reject someone, you don't teach them that they should disregard their feelings because someone else's are more important."

Wow, just wow. The second part of this is exactly correct.

The first part, wow. Why did you need to add this?

Who cares who stated the bad idea? And doubly who cares what you suspect...

I'll tell you why it matters. Because we Women (don't know if you're one) have traditionally been brought up to be more concerned with other people's things than what we want. And I hope that modern women aren't doing that to their daughters. I am shocked you would find that such a difficult concept!

Isn't that really what all manners are about though?

No. Manners is not saying yes when you want to say no because you think that saying no is mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, it's your right to say no whenever you want. That's pretty much a given.

However, I get your friends' point that children it DOES take courage to ask someone to dance and kids should recognize that too.

THIS, x100.

I, too, agree that everyone has the "right" to say no, at any time, to anything. However, I think at least during middle school, it would be a kindness to simply say yes to an invitation to dance. Those of you trying to equate it to saying yes to sex are being ridiculous. It's just common courtesy to accept an offer to dance, regardless of who's doing the asking. And it does take a tremendous amount of courage at the age of 12 or 13 to ask someone to dance. Accepting doesn't mean anything, other than you're agreeing to a 3 min. dance, as another PP said.

And for those of you who disagree, I encourage you to prepare your own child for rejection and not to whine when he or she comes home mortified that his or her invitation was declined - in front of all of their friends.

Or we could teach our kids to say no kindly and politely AND not to be "mortified" if someone kindly and politely says no to them.

It does take courage to ask. That doesn't mean they should be rewarded with a yes. Just be respectful: no rolling eyes, no giggling at them with friends, just a kind, clear "No thanks."

^This. Basic decency and manners folks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:" I really, really hope that these weren't women who believe this although I suspect it is. You teach your children to be polite if they are going to reject someone, you don't teach them that they should disregard their feelings because someone else's are more important."

Wow, just wow. The second part of this is exactly correct.

The first part, wow. Why did you need to add this?

Who cares who stated the bad idea? And doubly who cares what you suspect...

I'll tell you why it matters. Because we Women (don't know if you're one) have traditionally been brought up to be more concerned with other people's things than what we want. And I hope that modern women aren't doing that to their daughters. I am shocked you would find that such a difficult concept!

Isn't that really what all manners are about though?

+1

And that's why the world would be a better place if it were ruled by women...because we are concerned about other people's feelings. I wouldn't discredit that quality. Anyway, if you don't want to dance with someone, don't do it. But if it's a nice boy or girl and they've worked up the courage to ask, then I would hope my kid would say yes. I would hope my kid would have the confidence to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, it's your right to say no whenever you want. That's pretty much a given.

However, I get your friends' point that children it DOES take courage to ask someone to dance and kids should recognize that too.

+1

Thanks for a thoughtful response