Men: Life changes after marriage/kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The fun part of your life is over. It is just exhaustion, hassle, and no sex. eventually it gets better, but the first 5 or 6 years after the first baby arrives are terrible.

Then why did my husband badger me into having a second when my first turned 5

ego

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:More stoic. Life is more enjoyable, but in a different way. I really find joy in others having a good time and enjoying themselves. Last year for my birthday I really enjoyed smoking a brisket and having 4 families from the neighborhood over. There were about a dozen kids under the age of 10 having fun on a slip 'n slide in the front yard and on the jungle gym in the back yard. I can honestly say it was one of the best birthdays I've ever had. Everything just seemed right.

Every now and then I lament not having time to do my hobbies, but teaching my kids to do things is much more satisfying/rewarding.

Like the poster above, DW is a SAHM and it makes a huge difference for our household.

Yeah, wifey's dreams and goals are all on backburner so that your life is more satisfying and rewarding. Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:More stoic. Life is more enjoyable, but in a different way. I really find joy in others having a good time and enjoying themselves. Last year for my birthday I really enjoyed smoking a brisket and having 4 families from the neighborhood over. There were about a dozen kids under the age of 10 having fun on a slip 'n slide in the front yard and on the jungle gym in the back yard. I can honestly say it was one of the best birthdays I've ever had. Everything just seemed right.

Every now and then I lament not having time to do my hobbies, but teaching my kids to do things is much more satisfying/rewarding.

Like the poster above, DW is a SAHM and it makes a huge difference for our household.

Yeah, wifey's dreams and goals are all on backburner so that your life is more satisfying and rewarding. Lol.

I’m the poster you're quoting. We met in undergrad. On our third date she was very upfront and told me her desire was to be a SAHM someday. She worked for a decade after we got married, including during the time I went back to law school. I’m not sure what to tell you other than to say that while she worked her ass off for ten years and advanced into management at her Fortune 500 company, she never was career driven. Now that our kids are school age, she volunteers at their schools and teaches yoga/Pilates classes and stays involved in our community

What dreams and goals do you suspect are on the backburner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:More stoic. Life is more enjoyable, but in a different way. I really find joy in others having a good time and enjoying themselves. Last year for my birthday I really enjoyed smoking a brisket and having 4 families from the neighborhood over. There were about a dozen kids under the age of 10 having fun on a slip 'n slide in the front yard and on the jungle gym in the back yard. I can honestly say it was one of the best birthdays I've ever had. Everything just seemed right.

Every now and then I lament not having time to do my hobbies, but teaching my kids to do things is much more satisfying/rewarding.

Like the poster above, DW is a SAHM and it makes a huge difference for our household,

Yeah, wifey's dreams and goals are all on backburner so that your life is more satisfying and rewarding. Lol.

Just another pathetic man hating troll. Get a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:More stoic. Life is more enjoyable, but in a different way. I really find joy in others having a good time and enjoying themselves. Last year for my birthday I really enjoyed smoking a brisket and having 4 families from the neighborhood over. There were about a dozen kids under the age of 10 having fun on a slip 'n slide in the front yard and on the jungle gym in the back yard. I can honestly say it was one of the best birthdays I've ever had. Everything just seemed right.

Every now and then I lament not having time to do my hobbies, but teaching my kids to do things is much more satisfying/rewarding.

Like the poster above, DW is a SAHM and it makes a huge difference for our household,

Yeah, wifey's dreams and goals are all on backburner so that your life is more satisfying and rewarding. Lol.

Just another pathetic man hating troll. Get a life.

You mean besides for breeding and taking care of my husband? Surely there's nothing else for me out there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:More stoic. Life is more enjoyable, but in a different way. I really find joy in others having a good time and enjoying themselves. Last year for my birthday I really enjoyed smoking a brisket and having 4 families from the neighborhood over. There were about a dozen kids under the age of 10 having fun on a slip 'n slide in the front yard and on the jungle gym in the back yard. I can honestly say it was one of the best birthdays I've ever had. Everything just seemed right.

Every now and then I lament not having time to do my hobbies, but teaching my kids to do things is much more satisfying/rewarding.

Like the poster above, DW is a SAHM and it makes a huge difference for our household,

Yeah, wifey's dreams and goals are all on backburner so that your life is more satisfying and rewarding. Lol.

Just another pathetic man hating troll. Get a life.

You mean besides for breeding and taking care of my husband? Surely there's nothing else for me out there!

Look in the mirror. Don't like your life? Change it.

[Anonymous]

It's f___ing chaos! But I wouldn't change a thing. I've got three kids 4, 2 and 6 months and I've never been happier or more exhausted.

[Anonymous]

Life gets narrower and deeper. And, at best, your needs rank third in the house.

[Anonymous]

You know the obvious schedule changes of course, but it's the feelings that differ. I often think about this when I'm on business trips -- bc there are usually hordes of guys on the road, away from families etc.

There are guys for whom getting married and having kids gave them a certain "purpose." Even if they are stressed between balancing work and family and being a hands on dad and providing financially, these are the guys that desire the stability of someone to come home to. They see more "purpose" in their work bc now they have kids to feed and more purpose in life bc they've got kids to teach/raise. They're a lot like brisket guy above. These are the guys that'll talk about their kids and sometimes lament being away and as the kids get past age 10 they say things like "the days are long but the years are short" -- bc they're clearly thinking about how the kids will be in college soon and it'll be so different.

Then there are the guys who had kids but you can tell they feel like the wife and family "held them back." They wonder about how much higher they could have risen up the career ladder or how much more money/energy/sleep they would've had without kids. Sure they love their kids but they can picture life without a wife and kids and don't think it's bad at all -- to be able to come home to a one bedroom whenever you want and do what you want. They don't necessarily crave that stability and that feeling of walking into a house that is a home. Often these are the guys who are envious of the single guys on the team; they're the ones who roll their eyes when they tell you then need to fly in for the business trip on Monday morning rather than Sunday night or leave Thurs. night rather than Friday morning bc of some kid activity or whatever.

I think there are some guys who crave a family life since they pretty much moved out of their parents' home so for them it's a slam dunk to have a wife and family. I think there are many many others who assume -- wife + kids is normal so they do it -- often due to societal pressure but then when the kids arrive they realize the drudgery really isn't worth it, feel held back and then end up sort of stuck.

[Anonymous]

I didn't think much about kids until my wife said it was time to start having them. First one was a big adjustment on priorities and coming to terms with lack of free time. Then we had two more and the last 12 years have been a blur . . . in the best way possible. I have perspective on what is truly important in life and I realized that my purpose in life is to be a dad and to raise these kids. For me, it's truly been life's greatest gift.

[Anonymous]

You used to think you didn't have any money. Now you will find out that your really really don't have any money.

One cushion may be that you may find some savings if you're the poster on another thread who just noticed they spent $1200 eating out (lunches and dinners) last month. You won't eat out like that anymore. That is, unless you have a LOT of money. Then you'll learn to farm out everything and will find that having kids is not so stressful and you still eat out a lot. (laundry, housecleaning, food prep, home repairs, food delivery, landscaping, babysitting, errand running, etc)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know the obvious schedule changes of course, but it's the feelings that differ. I often think about this when I'm on business trips -- bc there are usually hordes of guys on the road, away from families etc.

There are guys for whom getting married and having kids gave them a certain "purpose." Even if they are stressed between balancing work and family and being a hands on dad and providing financially, these are the guys that desire the stability of someone to come home to. They see more "purpose" in their work bc now they have kids to feed and more purpose in life bc they've got kids to teach/raise. They're a lot like brisket guy above. These are the guys that'll talk about their kids and sometimes lament being away and as the kids get past age 10 they say things like "the days are long but the years are short" -- bc they're clearly thinking about how the kids will be in college soon and it'll be so different.

Then there are the guys who had kids but you can tell they feel like the wife and family "held them back." They wonder about how much higher they could have risen up the career ladder or how much more money/energy/sleep they would've had without kids. Sure they love their kids but they can picture life without a wife and kids and don't think it's bad at all -- to be able to come home to a one bedroom whenever you want and do what you want. They don't necessarily crave that stability and that feeling of walking into a house that is a home. Often these are the guys who are envious of the single guys on the team; they're the ones who roll their eyes when they tell you then need to fly in for the business trip on Monday morning rather than Sunday night or leave Thurs. night rather than Friday morning bc of some kid activity or whatever.

I think there are some guys who crave a family life since they pretty much moved out of their parents' home so for them it's a slam dunk to have a wife and family. I think there are many many others who assume -- wife + kids is normal so they do it -- often due to societal pressure but then when the kids arrive they realize the drudgery really isn't worth it, feel held back and then end up sort of stuck.

Woman here. This is spot on. DH is the first type — he has always wanted kids, begged me for them, and is so fulfilled. I am the second type — had them due to pressure from DH and the fear I would regret not having kids. Well, I love the kids, but I think all the time about how happy I would be if I could wake up, find myself childless, and realize this had all been a nightmare.