Inlaws upset when I spend time with my family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family lives out of state so I rarely see them. My in-laws live in a different state but within driving distance so they always come up and see us (and their other daughter who lives here). Every time I mention seeing my family, my inlaws make a comment about seeing them or spending time with them, when we see them every other month! When we visit them and i want to leave the house to pick up some food, they make it a big deal. It's almost like they want me in front of them at all times. I don't understand. My parents don't mind if my husband leaves to visit friends, why is it such an issue with them? How do I get them to respect me and my family when we spend time together?

Stop mentioning it. Seriously, just don't tell them when you see your family. It's none of their business.

if i don't mention my family, they act like they don't exist. it's ALWAYS about their family. When they see my kids, they never help out. ONce, they were visiting while my husband and i were at work and they wouldn't visit the kids at home. They waited until we got home. So strange.

Your parents pretty much don’t exist in their world. What sort of acknowledgement are you expecting from your in laws toward your parents? I must be missing something. I speak with my MIL regularly and can’t even remember the last time I mentioned my family. They’re not friends, there’s no need to discuss them or my visits with them because they don’t affect my in laws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My family lives out of state so I rarely see them. My in-laws live in a different state but within driving distance so they always come up and see us (and their other daughter who lives here). Every time I mention seeing my family, my inlaws make a comment about seeing them or spending time with them, when we see them every other month! When we visit them and i want to leave the house to pick up some food, they make it a big deal. It's almost like they want me in front of them at all times. I don't understand. My parents don't mind if my husband leaves to visit friends, why is it such an issue with them? How do I get them to respect me and my family when we spend time together?

Stop mentioning it. Seriously, just don't tell them when you see your family. It's none of their business.

if i don't mention my family, they act like they don't exist. it's ALWAYS about their family. When they see my kids, they never help out. ONce, they were visiting while my husband and i were at work and they wouldn't visit the kids at home. They waited until we got home. So strange.

Your parents pretty much don’t exist in their world. What sort of acknowledgement are you expecting from your in laws toward your parents? I must be missing something. I speak with my MIL regularly and can’t even remember the last time I mentioned my family. They’re not friends, there’s no need to discuss them or my visits with them because they don’t affect my in laws.

Exactly. It’s like you really caring about her friend Pearl, or her caring about your BFF. That’s a nice story, but not relatable.

[Anonymous]

Why are you mentioning it? Just stop talking about it. If they ask, refuse to answer.

MIL: So, have you seen your parents lately?
You: Oh, it seems to upset you when I talk about seeing them so I've decided not to anymore.

MIL: So are you seeing your parents at all this month?
You: Oh, it seems to upset you when I talk about seeing them so I'm not going to anymore.

[Anonymous]

My mother is like this!

Both my parents and my ILs live in our native country.
My mother actually threw a fit one year when we said we were going to visit my ILs for a few days. Prior to that we had ONLY stayed with her and my father, and had seen my ILs in restaurants, never an overnight stay. How unfair is that?

I still don't understand how on earth she could rationalize having us all to herself. That being said, she's calmed down, because she saw it wasn't going to change our plans. This is what you need to do, OP. Plan visits with your husband, and present a united front to your ILs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL does the same thing. She spent years manipulating every scenario so that we only spent time with her. I got wise to it quickly. It took a little time, but I put my foot down hard one holiday. And, sadly for her, she really paid the price of her behavior. She lives within a driveable distance for a weekend day, but we only see her for the length of a meal on major holidays. I never say no to visiting her. I just don’t plan to see her and my husband has no interest in making plans to see her himself. We now see her more often since she requires more care. And she still is the same wanting all of our time. We took her out for Thanksgiving and she was upset that we wouldn’t stay all day so I just piped up and said, “I know it’s hard to remember that I have a family too, but I do so we are going to leave now so we can spend some time with them too.” Responding to her directly and matter of factly shuts her down pretty quickly.

Yes, yes, we know. This is the 1,000th time you have posted about this. You yelled at her at the Thanksgiving table. We get it.

I'm convinced you're also the poster that said to her, "There's a list of people who get to see my vagina, and you are not on that list" when she wanted to be in the delivery room. Another 1000th anecdote.