How did you come to terms with secondary infertility/having an only child?

[Anonymous]

With all due respect to OP's grief this question has been asked over and over on this board. I understand that everyone has different levels of grief but please keep in mind that there are some of us still fighting for the first child, which would be a dream come true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We adopted our second child. She completed our family, and is a blessing. Adoption isn't right for everyone, but for us, it was a good choice.

Did you do domestic or International adoption? how large is your age gap? I also am struggling with secondary infertility and considering adoption.

[Anonymous]

It's hard for me to feel like my family isn't compete since my 1 DD feels like such a miracle. My dream of having 3 kids feels naive now, like when I was a kid and wanted to be an astronaut or something. I wasnt willing to go to the extraordinary lengths required to achieve either dream, and I'm ok with that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With all due respect to OP's grief this question has been asked over and over on this board. I understand that everyone has different levels of grief but please keep in mind that there are some of us still fighting for the first child, which would be a dream come true.

It’s hardly a Pain Olympics. Why can’t she have her grief while you have yours without you diminishing it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With all due respect to OP's grief this question has been asked over and over on this board. I understand that everyone has different levels of grief but please keep in mind that there are some of us still fighting for the first child, which would be a dream come true.

It’s hardly a Pain Olympics. Why can’t she have her grief while you have yours without you diminishing it?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With all due respect to OP's grief this question has been asked over and over on this board. I understand that everyone has different levels of grief but please keep in mind that there are some of us still fighting for the first child, which would be a dream come true.

It’s hardly a Pain Olympics. Why can’t she have her grief while you have yours without you diminishing it?

What have I diminished? I simply stated that some of us are dreaming and working towards having even one child. Drama much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With all due respect to OP's grief this question has been asked over and over on this board. I understand that everyone has different levels of grief but please keep in mind that there are some of us still fighting for the first child, which would be a dream come true.

It’s hardly a Pain Olympics. Why can’t she have her grief while you have yours without you diminishing it?

What have I diminished? I simply stated that some of us are dreaming and working towards having even one child. Drama much?

I'm not the PP who commented on Pain Olympics, but I really don't see the need for your comment in this particular thread. OP sensitively recognized twice in the original message about the difference between a struggle for a first vs a second. You knew what the thread was about going into it and could choose not to read. I don't want to derail the thread, but just am feeling like your comment wasn't necessary. OP has a right to post her question and get legitimate answers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With all due respect to OP's grief this question has been asked over and over on this board. I understand that everyone has different levels of grief but please keep in mind that there are some of us still fighting for the first child, which would be a dream come true.

It’s hardly a Pain Olympics. Why can’t she have her grief while you have yours without you diminishing it?

What have I diminished? I simply stated that some of us are dreaming and working towards having even one child. Drama much?

I'm not the PP who commented on Pain Olympics, but I really don't see the need for your comment in this particular thread. OP sensitively recognized twice in the original message about the difference between a struggle for a first vs a second. You knew what the thread was about going into it and could choose not to read. I don't want to derail the thread, but just am feeling like your comment wasn't necessary. OP has a right to post her question and get legitimate answers.

And I feel your comment is not necessary. Luckily the freedom of speech is not based on feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We adopted our second child. She completed our family, and is a blessing. Adoption isn't right for everyone, but for us, it was a good choice.

Did you do domestic or International adoption? how large is your age gap? I also am struggling with secondary infertility and considering adoption.

We did domestic infant adoption through an agency. Age gap is about 5 years. Worried about the age gap a lot but now we love it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We adopted our second child. She completed our family, and is a blessing. Adoption isn't right for everyone, but for us, it was a good choice.

Did you do domestic or International adoption? how large is your age gap? I also am struggling with secondary infertility and considering adoption.

We did domestic infant adoption through an agency. Age gap is about 5 years. Worried about the age gap a lot but now we love it.

How long was your wait from beginning of process to end? And cost?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With all due respect to OP's grief this question has been asked over and over on this board. I understand that everyone has different levels of grief but please keep in mind that there are some of us still fighting for the first child, which would be a dream come true.

It’s hardly a Pain Olympics. Why can’t she have her grief while you have yours without you diminishing it?

What have I diminished? I simply stated that some of us are dreaming and working towards having even one child. Drama much?

I'm not the PP who commented on Pain Olympics, but I really don't see the need for your comment in this particular thread. OP sensitively recognized twice in the original message about the difference between a struggle for a first vs a second. You knew what the thread was about going into it and could choose not to read. I don't want to derail the thread, but just am feeling like your comment wasn't necessary. OP has a right to post her question and get legitimate answers.

And I feel your comment is not necessary. Luckily the freedom of speech is not based on feelings.

Np. Your comment came across like “at least she got one, many are still waiting for their take home baby.” Someone with secondary infertility has their own personal struggle that is not dependent on at least she got her one. Your comment dimisjed her feelings of coping with coming to terms of only having one. OP titled her thread concerning secondary infertility and was sensitive to those struggling with their first. I’ve been on both sides of the coin, and one is not better than the other.

OP I’ve been down this road twice and it’s looking like dd may be an only. She asks for a little sister almost every day and it’s a painful reminder of our situation. We try to make the best of it as our family of 3. Hugs to all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With all due respect to OP's grief this question has been asked over and over on this board. I understand that everyone has different levels of grief but please keep in mind that there are some of us still fighting for the first child, which would be a dream come true.

It’s hardly a Pain Olympics. Why can’t she have her grief while you have yours without you diminishing it?

What have I diminished? I simply stated that some of us are dreaming and working towards having even one child. Drama much?

I'm not the PP who commented on Pain Olympics, but I really don't see the need for your comment in this particular thread. OP sensitively recognized twice in the original message about the difference between a struggle for a first vs a second. You knew what the thread was about going into it and could choose not to read. I don't want to derail the thread, but just am feeling like your comment wasn't necessary. OP has a right to post her question and get legitimate answers.

And I feel your comment is not necessary. Luckily the freedom of speech is not based on feelings.

Np. Your comment came across like “at least she got one, many are still waiting for their take home baby.” Someone with secondary infertility has their own personal struggle that is not dependent on at least she got her one. Your comment dimisjed her feelings of coping with coming to terms of only having one. OP titled her thread concerning secondary infertility and was sensitive to those struggling with their first. I’ve been on both sides of the coin, and one is not better than the other.

OP I’ve been down this road twice and it’s looking like dd may be an only. She asks for a little sister almost every day and it’s a painful reminder of our situation. We try to make the best of it as our family of 3. Hugs to all.

Do you really not feel better having one than having none? I feel like those of us who "at least got one" really should spend more time reflecting on how sh*tty it felt waiting and working for our take home babies before wallowing in the sadness that we won't have a second. I say "we" because I'm part of it, too, sometimes. But when I think about how comparatively full I feel today, with my daughter, than I did during those years of yearning and trying for her it's really hard for me to not just be thankful for what I have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We adopted our second child. She completed our family, and is a blessing. Adoption isn't right for everyone, but for us, it was a good choice.

Did you do domestic or International adoption? how large is your age gap? I also am struggling with secondary infertility and considering adoption.

This should he helpful to you -

https://www.adoptivefamilies.com/resources/adoption-news/adoption-cost-timing-2016-2017-survey-results/

[Anonymous]

I would give all treasures of this life to have one healthy, live child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With all due respect to OP's grief this question has been asked over and over on this board. I understand that everyone has different levels of grief but please keep in mind that there are some of us still fighting for the first child, which would be a dream come true.

It’s hardly a Pain Olympics. Why can’t she have her grief while you have yours without you diminishing it?

What have I diminished? I simply stated that some of us are dreaming and working towards having even one child. Drama much?

I'm not the PP who commented on Pain Olympics, but I really don't see the need for your comment in this particular thread. OP sensitively recognized twice in the original message about the difference between a struggle for a first vs a second. You knew what the thread was about going into it and could choose not to read. I don't want to derail the thread, but just am feeling like your comment wasn't necessary. OP has a right to post her question and get legitimate answers.

And I feel your comment is not necessary. Luckily the freedom of speech is not based on feelings.

Why bother posting on this thread with an unhelpful comment when you know it’s not applicable to you?