Did your parents teach you hygiene? If not, how did you learn?

[Anonymous]

My mom taught me some stuff, and I read stuff like Seventeen magazine, which at least back then was full of practical tips about shaving, doing your hair, and personal hygiene, among the fashion and dating stuff. The Care and Keeping of You books are also good for the basics.

[Anonymous]

This thread makes me sad. Kudos to you ladies who were left to figure all of this out on your own. And shame on your mothers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Middle school girls telling me what I was doing wrong. You can imagine how enjoyable that was.

Ugh. I was called gorilla legs. My mom didn't buy me pads or tampons, let alone help me learn how to shave my legs. And I remember stealing someone's deodorant out of a gym locker, wiping it off and taking it home. Writing this is so sad. My parents seemed normal, were college educated. Why didn't they help with this sort of stuff? Were they in denial that their kid was growing up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me sad. Kudos to you ladies who were left to figure all of this out on your own. And shame on your mothers.

Why only the mothers?

[Anonymous]

I thought I was the only one who had to learn from others. I remember my mom getting so mad at me the first time I washed my face with a non-bar soap cleanser (I think it was Noxema)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought I was the only one who had to learn from others. I remember my mom getting so mad at me the first time I washed my face with a non-bar soap cleanser (I think it was Noxema)

pp here and the first time I tried to exfoliate she told me the scrub came from aborted fetuses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought I was the only one who had to learn from others. I remember my mom getting so mad at me the first time I washed my face with a non-bar soap cleanser (I think it was Noxema)

pp here and the first time I tried to exfoliate she told me the scrub came from aborted fetuses

What the actual F*ck? Who the hell would say this let alone think this? And tell their child this?!?!

[Anonymous]

My mom was a hippy so very loving but sort of odd about skin care and grooming products. Instead of Secret, use this salt crystal deodorant! Instead of Pantene that has SLS, use this coconut shampoo bar soap! Instead of using harsh facial cleansers, double cleanse with oil! That actually worked because I miraculously had almost no zits even as a teen.

Now I realize how ahead of her time she was with toxic beauty products and the no poo movement but at the time I rolled my eyes hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom was a hippy so very loving but sort of odd about skin care and grooming products. Instead of Secret, use this salt crystal deodorant! Instead of Pantene that has SLS, use this coconut shampoo bar soap! Instead of using harsh facial cleansers, double cleanse with oil! That actually worked because I miraculously had almost no zits even as a teen.

Now I realize how ahead of her time she was with toxic beauty products and the no poo movement but at the time I rolled my eyes hard.

Ha ha, my dad also banned the SLS shampoos way back in the early 90s (based on some research that it caused cataracts, I think?) I guess he was ahead of his time!

Like OP, I also got no instruction from my mom on hygiene/grooming issues. The very basic stuff (bathing, tooth brushing) was established by household routine, so that was at least there. For whatever reason, I was always really into dental hygiene on my own (I think after getting braces?) But everything else, I got zero instruction, and only VERY slowly picked it up as I got motivated to conform at different points in my life. And, honestly, as I got older and couldn't rely on being cute and young, while having messy hair and horribly fitting clothes. In my teens and 20s I always dated guys who didn't mind my non-conformity on that level, and would basically immediately dump any guy who indicated he wanted me to be more "girly." Now at 40 I can't really do that and don't want to look horrible.

My sister, on the other hand, was always very neat, fashionable, and conventionally groomed from her early teens, despite the same lack of guidance. So I think a lot of this just has to do with personality. A girl who cares about what others think about her appearance will probably figure it out on her own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Didn't bathe for decades? What was that about? Did she have a mental illness?

I tried shaving my legs in 7th grade, and cut myself about 5 times up my shin. I was embarrased and said I tripped on the steps. I think I tried and succeeded later. This is why I totally disagree with moms who say to let your daughter come to you when she's ready, or that mentioning her hairy armpits will make her feel bad. I desperately wanted my mom to say "It's time to shave now." But she never did, and I was just way too awkward to go to her. So I was just ashamed of my hairy legs and pits until I did it myself.

I think she hasn't showered (or stepped into a bathtub) since the 80's. I think she stands in front of the sink with a washcloth and washes herself that way, once a week or so. Her hair only gets washed every few months when she goes to a salon to get it dyed. She is a uh, large lady and I think she was scared of slipping and falling getting into/out of the shower. In her late 60's she lost a significant amount of weight but she's had back/foot/knee problems for over a decade and I think would still worry about slipping. When my parents moved about a decade ago and my dad was having a bathroom torn out and re-built I pulled him aside and told him to make the shower handicapped accessible - sturdy bench and hand rails. Sadly I don't think that helped.

When my DD wanted to shave she asked me. And I asked if she'd been using my razor. When she said yes we had a big talk about why one doesn't do that. I took her to Target and we picked out her very own razor for her, and shaving cream (these days she uses coconut oil I think). I explained that you NEVER want to buy the cheapest razor and you should change the blade after each period (once a month). Some kids can talk to their parents about these things. Some can't. You have to know your kid, you know?

Who sold you that? Do you also buy new mattress every now 7 years?

Why the snark? I think that's a good tip to tie it to something that happens every month. Kind of like how we're reminded to check our smoke detectors when we set the clocks back.

We get our water bill quarterly and the day I get a water bill is when I change out all of the toothbrushes in the house.

[Anonymous]

My mom was a stickler for hygiene, from the time we were babies. We learned to bathe ourselves and wash our own hair by the time we were 3 or 4. I had a cousin whose mother did not teach her anything, so I remember one evening my mom said we were going to play beauty salon and we were going to wash each other's hair in the sink, in order to get her to wash her hair without hurting her feelings. She never realized what mom was doing. By watching us buying deodorant and razors, she learned about that.

[Anonymous]

Reading this is interesting to me, as the mother of a 14 yr old.

I'm betting if you asked my daughter how she learned to shave her legs, she'd say friends. She tunes me out completely whenever I've brought up "growing up" topics, I doubt she remembers me mentioning some girls shave their under arms and I could show her how, when she was 9 and I noticed she was growing underarm hair. She completely ignored me, as she did when I mentioned some girls shave their legs, a yearish later, and so on. I've stocked her book shelves with different "growing up" books, including the always-recommended Care and Keeping of You. The spines are pristine.

I'm pretty sure in 20 years, she'll be wondering how on earth I let her grow up feral and why I left it to her friends to educate her. I know some parents do let their children down in this regard, I'm not questioning that. I'm just betting my kid's going to be thinking she was left to flounder too. Though she might remember the time I forced her to come to the drug store with me to to buy a selection of different tampons so she could try to find one for swimming that she didn't hate. That was highly traumatic for both of us. (Advice to any parents considering doing this in the future - just use Amazon. Why didn't I use Amazon?!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Didn't bathe for decades? What was that about? Did she have a mental illness?

I tried shaving my legs in 7th grade, and cut myself about 5 times up my shin. I was embarrased and said I tripped on the steps. I think I tried and succeeded later. This is why I totally disagree with moms who say to let your daughter come to you when she's ready, or that mentioning her hairy armpits will make her feel bad. I desperately wanted my mom to say "It's time to shave now." But she never did, and I was just way too awkward to go to her. So I was just ashamed of my hairy legs and pits until I did it myself.

I think she hasn't showered (or stepped into a bathtub) since the 80's. I think she stands in front of the sink with a washcloth and washes herself that way, once a week or so. Her hair only gets washed every few months when she goes to a salon to get it dyed. She is a uh, large lady and I think she was scared of slipping and falling getting into/out of the shower. In her late 60's she lost a significant amount of weight but she's had back/foot/knee problems for over a decade and I think would still worry about slipping. When my parents moved about a decade ago and my dad was having a bathroom torn out and re-built I pulled him aside and told him to make the shower handicapped accessible - sturdy bench and hand rails. Sadly I don't think that helped.

When my DD wanted to shave she asked me. And I asked if she'd been using my razor. When she said yes we had a big talk about why one doesn't do that. I took her to Target and we picked out her very own razor for her, and shaving cream (these days she uses coconut oil I think). I explained that you NEVER want to buy the cheapest razor and you should change the blade after each period (once a month). Some kids can talk to their parents about these things. Some can't. You have to know your kid, you know?

Who sold you that? Do you also buy new mattress every now 7 years?

Why the snark? I think that's a good tip to tie it to something that happens every month. Kind of like how we're reminded to check our smoke detectors when we set the clocks back.

We get our water bill quarterly and the day I get a water bill is when I change out all of the toothbrushes in the house.

Can't you just swap out your razor when it gets dull and change out the toothbrushes when they look like they need it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I picked things up here and there, sometimes from weird places. I remember my older brother telling me about using shaving cream on my legs (I thought it was just for the face) and moisturizer on them afterwards. He found out from his girlfriend.

I learned from Oprah that you don't wear a WHITE bra under a white shirt, but a NUDE colored bra instead. Okay, that's fashion rather than hygiene. My father told me I would know my hair was clean when I was in the shower and it squeaked.

I went to our next door neighbor's house for something and she had a friend over. The friend told me to use leave-in conditioner in my hair. She was right. I never flossed as a kid - I learned how from watching my dentist teach my daughter how to do it. I can't remember how I learned about waxing.

Probably learned most other stuff from friends or reading. My mom wore such bad makeup that kids at school made fun of me for how she looked. She had outdated views (tampons cause TSS), wearing black or red is slutty, and a lot of misinformation (brush your curly hair harder to tame it and make it less pouffy). She also has easily not showered or taken a bath in decades at this point. So she would get angry at me for taking too-long showers or too frequent showers even though I would take one every other day and be in and out of the bathroom in 20 minutes.

I hate nude color bras or underwear. I don't have one and I am not planning on getting one.

But under a white blouse you need nude because a white bra stands out

[Anonymous]

My older sister taught me most of it. I was 9 and she was 13 and I was getting changed when she shouted "you're getting boobs? you should be wearing a bra" She then pulled out one of her old bras and I put it on. She then talked to me about puberty and explained periods and although I had seen her pads I didn't know exactly what they were for so she showed me how to put one on and showed me where she keeps them if I needed to wear one. My sister really helped me through it and I could talk to her about these things better than I could our mum.