I told my husband brutal the truth

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I do think he feels it is to his advantage to essentially pay for a reduction in drama and headache."


He didn't feel it was worth reducing drama and headache the whole time he was married to you, so why now? His response to the relationship with you was to check out, gain weight, focus on himself, etc... he probably wants this at least as much as you.

What are you responsible for in the deterioration of your marriage?

Your "logic" doesn't make sense. Lot's of people are willing to pay to do stuff they don't want to do. He didn't want to be a good husband. So I guess he is willing to pay to end his marriage, which will mean eliminating any and all pressure to be a good husband.

As to what I am responsible for: I am fully responsible for having rose colored glasses before marriage and thinking that things would improve. Classic mistake. 100% my fault there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would agree to that, and then figure out my own exit plan to maximize my own benefit at your expense. Not because that’s what I would always do in the case of divorce, but because you would deserve it for your callous attitude and selfishness. Why give you a heads up when you’ve just treated me so shoddily?

Get your ducks in a row, OP.

+100
Brutal has no place in a marriage, even if the love is gone, and the fact that OP was so anxious to get this word in the title of the post that she put it in the wrong place is telling.
But by all means OP keep on thinking that you "won".

I didn't win, I very much lost. I am soon to be 34, seriously compromised my career to follow him around on FIVE moves for his career. It will take me years to resurrect my career and I will likely not get to have a family.

[Anonymous]

Bad move on your part, OP, if there is such mistrust and money-grabbing going on, on both sides.

You should have prepared in secret and sprung this on him at the last minute.

You sound stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told him the truth - that I don't love him anymore (finally gave up trying to after years of disappointments and our marriage being 100% about his priorities and needs), and that I intend to ultimately leave the marriage. I told him that I would like to arrange my departure at my convenience, and he agreed to in essence be used by me, perhaps out of guilt. It feels wrong and liberating at the same time.

Why would he agree to essentially help increase my net worth over the next year or so knowing that I plan to leave when I feel back on my feet? Has anyone else experienced that before?

Love these drama posts. Love that you get to read what people really think because there are no social consequences. I hope you get 100s of responses - it's what keeps me coming back.

As for your question: I'd do what he did. I'd be super agreeable. Why do you think being super agreeable would be to my advantage?

OP here. Well, I actually did push what I really think into my real life. It got soul crushing to have to pretend that I kept loving a man who focused on himself all the while getting fat and becoming someone I am flat embarrassed to be married to. At the moment I feel so relieved.

Perhaps he feels the same way about you. I know I all I feel about my ex now is indifference while immediately after the split I was crushed.
I doubt he will want waste his precious time with you anymore than you do with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would agree to that, and then figure out my own exit plan to maximize my own benefit at your expense. Not because that’s what I would always do in the case of divorce, but because you would deserve it for your callous attitude and selfishness. Why give you a heads up when you’ve just treated me so shoddily?

Get your ducks in a row, OP.

Why do you consider telling the truth treating someone shoddily?

It’s not the telling the truth that you don’t want to be in the marriage anymore, it’s the part about wanting to drag it out and leave when it’s best for you after you’ve taken as much as possible from me. I would smile and nod, and then do exactly the same thing to you that you just said you plan to do to me. Turnabout is fair play.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Bad move on your part, OP, if there is such mistrust and money-grabbing going on, on both sides.

You should have prepared in secret and sprung this on him at the last minute.

You sound stupid.

Thanks. One person says I am heartless and another that I am stupid.

Honestly, I am not one to lie and game. If that makes me stupid so be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would agree to that, and then figure out my own exit plan to maximize my own benefit at your expense. Not because that’s what I would always do in the case of divorce, but because you would deserve it for your callous attitude and selfishness. Why give you a heads up when you’ve just treated me so shoddily?

Get your ducks in a row, OP.

Why do you consider telling the truth treating someone shoddily?

It’s not the telling the truth that you don’t want to be in the marriage anymore, it’s the part about wanting to drag it out and leave when it’s best for you after you’ve taken as much as possible from me. I would smile and nod, and then do exactly the same thing to you that you just said you plan to do to me. Turnabout is fair play.

Well, I think he feels guilty that I sacrificed enormously for him and put myself in a bad situation for his gain.

[Anonymous]

"and I will likely not get to have a family."

THANK YOU, JESUS!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would agree to that, and then figure out my own exit plan to maximize my own benefit at your expense. Not because that’s what I would always do in the case of divorce, but because you would deserve it for your callous attitude and selfishness. Why give you a heads up when you’ve just treated me so shoddily?

Get your ducks in a row, OP.

Why do you consider telling the truth treating someone shoddily?

It’s not the telling the truth that you don’t want to be in the marriage anymore, it’s the part about wanting to drag it out and leave when it’s best for you after you’ve taken as much as possible from me. I would smile and nod, and then do exactly the same thing to you that you just said you plan to do to me. Turnabout is fair play.

Well, I think he feels guilty that I sacrificed enormously for him and put myself in a bad situation for his gain.

And maybe it will all work out for you. But you need to be prepared for him to pull the rug out from under you tomorrow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"and I will likely not get to have a family."

THANK YOU, JESUS!

You are a sad, damaged person.

[Anonymous]

Hopefully, you talked to an attorney before you talked to your husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would agree to that, and then figure out my own exit plan to maximize my own benefit at your expense. Not because that’s what I would always do in the case of divorce, but because you would deserve it for your callous attitude and selfishness. Why give you a heads up when you’ve just treated me so shoddily?

Get your ducks in a row, OP.

Why do you consider telling the truth treating someone shoddily?

It’s not the telling the truth that you don’t want to be in the marriage anymore, it’s the part about wanting to drag it out and leave when it’s best for you after you’ve taken as much as possible from me. I would smile and nod, and then do exactly the same thing to you that you just said you plan to do to me. Turnabout is fair play.

Well, I think he feels guilty that I sacrificed enormously for him and put myself in a bad situation for his gain.

And maybe it will all work out for you. But you need to be prepared for him to pull the rug out from under you tomorrow.

I agree. I putting my own well being first now, for the first time in our marriage. I was honest about it, and maybe that is stupid, but I'll have my footing very soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told him the truth - that I don't love him anymore (finally gave up trying to after years of disappointments and our marriage being 100% about his priorities and needs), and that I intend to ultimately leave the marriage. I told him that I would like to arrange my departure at my convenience, and he agreed to in essence be used by me, perhaps out of guilt. It feels wrong and liberating at the same time.

Why would he agree to essentially help increase my net worth over the next year or so knowing that I plan to leave when I feel back on my feet? Has anyone else experienced that before?

Love these drama posts. Love that you get to read what people really think because there are no social consequences. I hope you get 100s of responses - it's what keeps me coming back.

As for your question: I'd do what he did. I'd be super agreeable. Why do you think being super agreeable would be to my advantage?

OP here. Well, I actually did push what I really think into my real life. It got soul crushing to have to pretend that I kept loving a man who focused on himself all the while getting fat and becoming someone I am flat embarrassed to be married to. At the moment I feel so relieved.

Perhaps he feels the same way about you. I know I all I feel about my ex now is indifference while immediately after the split I was crushed.
I doubt he will want waste his precious time with you anymore than you do with him.

I certainly don't take pleasure in the idea of seeing him crushed. I hope he DOES feel indifference towards me when all is said and done. I hope he has a fine life, and I am sure he will. Neither one of us is going to be "ruined" by a divorce with no kids involved. Hopefully we will both be happier in a few years time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"and I will likely not get to have a family."

THANK YOU, JESUS!

You are a sad, damaged person.

Said the real dumbass who's divorcing because her dh got fat and is an embarrassment to her. So glad you don't have kids now, and so glad you won't have them in the future.

All the best on Tinder!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"and I will likely not get to have a family."

THANK YOU, JESUS!

You are a sad, damaged person.

Said the real dumbass who's divorcing because her dh got fat and is an embarrassment to her. So glad you don't have kids now, and so glad you won't have them in the future.

All the best on Tinder!

You have zero idea what you are talking about, and you are also very obviously fat and indignant that other people don't find it appealing.