I told my husband brutal the truth

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would agree to that, and then figure out my own exit plan to maximize my own benefit at your expense. Not because that’s what I would always do in the case of divorce, but because you would deserve it for your callous attitude and selfishness. Why give you a heads up when you’ve just treated me so shoddily?

Get your ducks in a row, OP.

+100
Brutal has no place in a marriage, even if the love is gone, and the fact that OP was so anxious to get this word in the title of the post that she put it in the wrong place is telling.
But by all means OP keep on thinking that you "won".

I didn't win, I very much lost. I am soon to be 34, seriously compromised my career to follow him around on FIVE moves for his career. It will take me years to resurrect my career and I will likely not get to have a family.

Why would you say that? Fertility is an individual thing and your age alone is not enough reason to assume you won't get to have a family. Don't drag your feet getting divorced.

She's 34, has sacrificed career opportunities after making the bad decision to follow around a guy she finds utterly disgusting, embarrassing, selfish, etc.. and has zero prospects at the moment for love. She can only focus on her career now, which means her prospects for family are diminished. She's right, and smart to recognize it. If she takes responsibility for her part and learns from it sooner rather than later, it'll make her a better person and more likely to attract someone appropriate.

It costs 10K to freeze your eggs and $500 year for store. Another 5K each time you attempt to use those eggs. Insurance doesn't cover it, but if you work for Google, Apple, or Facebook, they'll pay for it up to 20K. Given you're going to play catch-up in your life in many ways, this might be your best chance.

I didn't used to feel this way about him. He hit skids in his career and started taking it out on me. I saw some red flags going in which I ignored (my fault) but they really blossomed in just a few short years into very undesirable traits.

And I didn't come to DCUM for affirmation or support, naturally. I am proud of the way I am handling this. I compromised myself for someone else who took advantage, yet I still refuse to play dirty. I am looking at the ugly truth of this situation, and I am going to make the best of it. For all of his selfish and deluded qualities, my STBXH has never been underhanded with me. I have put my cards on the table, and I am also taking steps to get myself in the right situation.

I already have both frozen eggs and frozen embryos (which I will donate), so I suppose I'm fine there. Although to be completely frank I am not particularly excited to trust someone again. At this moment I am visualizing my life single. I have a lot of interests, and I think I can have a very enjoyable life husband and kid free if it comes to that.

I reiterate that I don't like jerks, and I especially don't like fat jerks. Few women do, so go ahead and act righteous about my honesty, it doesn't impact me at all because I know I am right. I am not one for delusion.

[Anonymous]

Et tu, Brutal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I told him the truth - that I don't love him anymore (finally gave up trying to after years of disappointments and our marriage being 100% about his priorities and needs), and that I intend to ultimately leave the marriage. I told him that I would like to arrange my departure at my convenience, and he agreed to in essence be used by me, perhaps out of guilt. It feels wrong and liberating at the same time.

Why would he agree to essentially help increase my net worth over the next year or so knowing that I plan to leave when I feel back on my feet? Has anyone else experienced that before?

Years ago, a friend's husband allowed the same. He was discovered to have fathered children outside of the marriage though. Still, I think he was hopeful that she would change her mind and remain but she saved for two years and then moved to ATL as planned. Outwardly, they seemed like the perfect couple during that time.

[Anonymous]

I would tell you sure, take a year, whatever.

2 weeeks from now, you’d come home to an empty house and bank account.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would agree to that, and then figure out my own exit plan to maximize my own benefit at your expense. Not because that’s what I would always do in the case of divorce, but because you would deserve it for your callous attitude and selfishness. Why give you a heads up when you’ve just treated me so shoddily?

Get your ducks in a row, OP.

+100
Brutal has no place in a marriage, even if the love is gone, and the fact that OP was so anxious to get this word in the title of the post that she put it in the wrong place is telling.
But by all means OP keep on thinking that you "won".

I didn't win, I very much lost. I am soon to be 34, seriously compromised my career to follow him around on FIVE moves for his career. It will take me years to resurrect my career and I will likely not get to have a family.

Why would you say that? Fertility is an individual thing and your age alone is not enough reason to assume you won't get to have a family. Don't drag your feet getting divorced.

She's 34, has sacrificed career opportunities after making the bad decision to follow around a guy she finds utterly disgusting, embarrassing, selfish, etc.. and has zero prospects at the moment for love. She can only focus on her career now, which means her prospects for family are diminished. She's right, and smart to recognize it. If she takes responsibility for her part and learns from it sooner rather than later, it'll make her a better person and more likely to attract someone appropriate.

It costs 10K to freeze your eggs and $500 year for store. Another 5K each time you attempt to use those eggs. Insurance doesn't cover it, but if you work for Google, Apple, or Facebook, they'll pay for it up to 20K. Given you're going to play catch-up in your life in many ways, this might be your best chance.

I didn't used to feel this way about him. He hit skids in his career and started taking it out on me. I saw some red flags going in which I ignored (my fault) but they really blossomed in just a few short years into very undesirable traits.

And I didn't come to DCUM for affirmation or support, naturally. I am proud of the way I am handling this. I compromised myself for someone else who took advantage, yet I still refuse to play dirty. I am looking at the ugly truth of this situation, and I am going to make the best of it. For all of his selfish and deluded qualities, my STBXH has never been underhanded with me. I have put my cards on the table, and I am also taking steps to get myself in the right situation.

I already have both frozen eggs and frozen embryos (which I will donate), so I suppose I'm fine there. Although to be completely frank I am not particularly excited to trust someone again. At this moment I am visualizing my life single. I have a lot of interests, and I think I can have a very enjoyable life husband and kid free if it comes to that.

I reiterate that I don't like jerks, and I especially don't like fat jerks. Few women do, so go ahead and act righteous about my honesty, it doesn't impact me at all because I know I am right. I am not one for delusion.

Blah blah, all that... blah, blah, 34, you're young, blah blah.... not one for delusion (though you're perfectly willing to compromise yourself, then claim you were taken advantage of). You're smart and wouldn't have made all of those sacrifices if you didn't think there'd be a very decent pay-off. Bad chess move. Again. blah, blah...

You shouldn't trust *yourself*. It's not other people you have to worry about. Just accept that you gamed the relationship hoping there'd be an advantage and you made the wrong move. Take responsibility for your part instead of insisting you're all honest and shit, because.... you're not. Re-read your thread and look at the contradictions.

And swipe responsibly next time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Remember what The Gambler said. You don't know how to play the game, OP.

Seriously, such wise words.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, how fat is he anyhow?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would tell you sure, take a year, whatever.

2 weeeks from now, you’d come home to an empty house and bank account.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Bad move on your part, OP, if there is such mistrust and money-grabbing going on, on both sides.

You should have prepared in secret and sprung this on him at the last minute.

You sound stupid.

Thanks. One person says I am heartless and another that I am stupid.

Honestly, I am not one to lie and game. If that makes me stupid so be it.

OP, if there is true integrity in your approach, that always wins. Don't compromise your standards out of fear of the unknown. There are ways to succeed in every process. Good luck to you.